in a river of grief, then on a boat

woman wearing dress and brown hat sitting on boat

In my late 30s I experienced an epiphany. I transformed my life because I surrendered into it. There was a lot of work before that preceded that opening. Up to that point my life was analogous to the life of a flower. A sprout pushed its way up through the soil, stems and leaves unfurled and buds formed straining to open. When the bud burst open resounding at long last to the light a transformation occurred filled with joy and the relief of surrender into a greater multiverse.

This epiphany allowed a choice point: continue to follow the whims of ego, in other words pursue the momentary desires, interests, likes or dislikes or accept destiny. I chose to surrender into the undiscovered country of a strange inter and multi-dimensional universe of great depth and wonder; into the rarely glimpsed book of destiny. It required patience. It required a path to healing of my core being.

The next step in this journey was the “accidental” uncovering of horrendous wounds of early childhood. There was an intense obsessional compulsion to know everything that had happened back then. The world of PTSD, flashbacks, body memories, blackouts, freeze-frames of trauma intruding into what I ordinarily expected as my contiguous life that did not (does not) have the same connectedness of ordinary memories because love was shattered. Diving deeply into it with the tools of spiritual practices, therapeutic techniques of hypnotherapy, EMDR, emotional release and reintegration as well as “traveling” into the past utilizing shamanic practices only works to a degree before traumatization reoccurs. My desire to know everything about the trauma in the way I’ve remembered my ordinary life never happened. I felt disappointed and I was also relieved once I accepted the different paths within myself.

My friends didn’t want to hear about my traumatic past and began to shun me so I contained the bleeding and confined my explorations with my therapist for a time. Other healers and seers saw clearly into my woundedness but I did not see as clearly as they were experiencing me. I had reached a plateau and I decided to shelve the wounded experiences and only focus on what was presented in the moment and not dig for stuff.

I had remained clean and sober from pot for 19 years (1985 to 2004) when I slipped with my much younger partner. The only insight that I was afforded was that in 1985 and the times before pot served to fragment my already fragmented self. In 2004 I saw that the fragmented parts of myself and though still fragmented were held together cohesively by me congealed with my attention and care.

From 1991 when the first memories of trauma began revealing themselves to 2001 I worked intensely on myself and then reached a plateau (’01 was the year my therapist retired).

Earlier this year there was a shift in my physical body and I began to open myself for a change. The universe provided an opportunity presented to me from my spiritual soul partner, colleague and mentor. When she presented me with the opportunity I had been waiting for it took only moments to accept.

She offered a homeopathic formula to help bring buried and stuck grief to the surface for processing. It has been a difficult and immensely rewarding process so far. Of the people I have shared some of this process with have misunderstood the position I take within the flow of emotions.

Maladoma Somē (see end notes) reported that grief is the most common emotion that all humans share. Grief is the process when it is not resisted or prematurely stopped via cognitive processes of compartmentalization and the subsequent emotions of judgement, self-criticism or condemnation on the one hand and stoic determination, anger and rational suppression or repression of grief into a lifestyle of condemning the self and / or others on the other can be released to then convey what is underneath.

When I began taking the formula it was in the evening when I first began — result: I slept for three hours and was awake working on a path to exposing the grief as the emotional connective tissue to the wounds. Release the grief and the horrendous memories shift and become multifaceted revealing the blessings while releasing my attachment to the intensities of the horror.

There was something blocking the work, something in the back of my neck on my left side that was the part of blockage or resistance. Something I could not see clearly enough to find and remove. I called out for help. Help arrived in the person that I once was in my most previous past life: a Polish Jew working for The Resistance and constantly hiding from the Nazis. He was trained as an engraver and was employed by the Polish Mint. He pulled something out of my neck which was simultaneously released from his neck in the same area. It went back to source where it disintegrated into ash.

The next morning, I was looking at a friend’s Facebook post when all my chakras opened and a profound compassion, love and understanding poured out of me to him (not that he necessarily needed it). I was surprised that this open feeling of compassion continued to branch out to many more who may have needed it to feel included since compassion is an emotion of inclusion. (The funny thing is that the content of his post was not of a personal nature at least on the surface and remembering the content was not important.)

Though some of the subsequent work of releasing grief has been filled with anguish and intense physical pain — such as a lava-like substance that was hot and filled with the bile of anger and hatred flowed out of the joints of my left hand and fingers. So far, the arthritic pain that has felt trapped in my body has decreased by as much as fifty percent.

These pockets of grief within me are spread like butter over toast throughout my body, persona and into the depths of me. The emotion is not me as it once was when I had first uncovered the trauma. I am above the feelings of grief and not immersed in them as I once was in the beginning.

I debated about putting this account due to its highly personal nature. I meditated on what to do and have decided to enter it here. In the midst of the on-going grieving process I discovered that part of my mother’s being was trapped in my body. It was only when I freed her did I realize that part of her had merged with me when I was a baby.

The “Ah-ha” moment arrived.

My mother was a difficult parent to live around. My sister concurred that she had been very critical towards both of us; very true. She was never happy with either of us.

My mom had poor boundaries with me and later as an adult I chose to establish and maintain better boundaries with her. She would burst into my bedroom door without ever knocking. She did what she called: “snooping” in my closet rifling through my stuff. I asked my dad if I could have a lock on my door. Before I could tell him why he said “no,” and walked away. In order to have privacy I took long 4-hour baths locked in one of our two bathrooms on a Saturday night. I took to burying time capsules in the backyard where I knew she would never look to have private secret things — for my eyes only. She wanted me to take French in High School so I could speak romantic French phrases to her. I failed French in my passive-aggressive style so I wouldn’t have to do it. And the list of behaviors bordering on the inappropriate and at times crossing the line went on.

My mother passed in March of 2015 from dementia. I had very little contact with her after the death of her body. My father had contacted me many times after his death.

In a session that lasted half the night I was able to extricate my mom’s spirit from my body and keep her from coming back in. She greeted me five or six times after I had freed her in her child-like manner and appeared to have said thank-you without actually coming out and saying it.

It was a relief to reclaim my body as my own and to begin to have a relationship with my mother as an individual to an individual, which continues to evolve.

I am not the grief and conversely, I am not the joy. I sometimes feel grief and I sometimes feel joy as well as all the emotions of the rainbow and the darker shadow.


Malidoma Somē author Of Water and Spirit. The author came to our community to speak about his book, drum at our community center. At one point he looked out at all of us and said:

“I see that many of you you have been initiated many times

but because there was no community to support and accept your initiation

you returned to you life as you now know it.”

presence, peace, happiness and sunshine

brown wooden kitchen cupboards

I awoke letting the convoluted dreams from sleep dissolve without pressing my intellect for possible meanings.

A short time later I began breakfast preparations. I felt the warm swathe of sunshine permeate my small abode – across the kitchen floor and into the bedroom. I gazed at the off-white stone tiled floor and felt a profound peace and happiness in the smallest of details.

I smiled to myself and thought / felt:

I am here.

My heart is full.

Peace.

Peace permeates

Happiness in the stillness of

A morning in sunlight.

 

It wasn’t an “overnight success”. It took 15 years to live, skirting a mess of miserable emotions; 6 months to jockey for position; 3 months of letting go of everything including my life in preparation for the death of my body* and 6 days of resurrection into that which continues to unfold.

During the 15 years I wasn’t such a dire mess as described above. I was floating in a boat in a becalmed ocean of slime feeding on the fleeting happiness of rarefied airs. In other words, I was an expert at compartmentalization and was kept alive on the higher aspects of my work. Intellectually its difficult to fathom how excruciating physical pain was (is) held in place by unresolved – stuck grief. Emotionally easy.

______________________________

*I had to die to be reborn. This was not suicide, but it was a relinquishing of everything without hope of a solution,

then… it arrived.

releasing chronic anger and underlying grief

abstract beads blur bright
a web of connection

Anger serves a purpose as a defense against immediate threats in present time. The emotion is often produced in conjunction with fear. Fear is experienced and is often followed directly by an acting-out anger response. Boys and men are more accustomed to this way of behaving because it is condoned and often encouraged by the fabric of society – namely patriarchal norms.

The way many children were raised in the 1950s and early sixties by fathers’ who had returned from WWII with undiagnosed PTSD was through a reign of terror often accompanied by addictive problems to alcohol, drugs and anger/rage. The children of those parents were subjected to constant anger and as adults have often adopted maladaptive patterns of chronic anger.

man couple people woman

When terror is unleashed on a woman or on children repeatedly over long periods of time – fear, anger and depression may be the result. In addition to an emotional stance in the world many of these women and children many somaticize some or all of these emotions. The emotions become tensions in the musculature and skeletal structure of the body and are sequestered from the conscious mind.

The nature of most humans is to avoid discomfort whether it manifests as physical, emotional, mental and/or spiritual pain. In so-called developing and developed nations an immediate response to pain is to take a pill for it. “Make it go away.” “Fix me.” “Stop this now!” “I can’t stand this any longer” are some of the responses to physical and emotional pain or discomfort. Pill popping, alcohol consumption, marijuana smoking, crack/cocaine use, and any kind of addictive process is an effort to escape the effects of immediate pain. I am not advocating the non-use of responsible herbal or pharmacological methods of reducing or managing extremes of pain I am only pointing out a pattern to behavior regarding pain.

Some cultures especially indigenous peoples treat pain in a different manner than in the “Western Post-Modern” cultures. Explorations into pain can sometimes produce a release of it that can be freeing as well as act as a release from immediate pain.

I followed the role-model of my father’s rageful behavior while being terrorized by it simultaneously. I vented rage at my sisters’ cats by chasing them under the couch and hissing at them; I felt so angry. It was the only safe place I could vent the rage I felt. For many years I clenched my jaw because “I felt determined” as other people were to reach their goals. I incorrectly assumed that because other people had their mouths closed that they were clenching their jaws too, and were also determined. It wasn’t until the mid 1980s that I realized that these were incorrect assumptions and that I felt extremely angry all the time.

Like any addict the rage would go underground until it erupted into a tantrum usually against a significant love relationship with whoever I was with at the time. I began to work with these feelings and worked to let them go as they arose. As I worked traumas from my childhood were revealed to me. I worked through these too as best I could until I reached a plateau.

Recently I have come to see that triggered anger/rage that arises both from awareness of injustices and from chronic anger has served to keep me isolated from others. As a child I was extremely isolated. And now I have been isolated (and stuck) in part by choice. However I have started to work with the chronic anger anchored in my body in order to uncover and release the profound grief of past traumas.

I have been preparing for this voyage into the release where I have kept myself separate from others and as a result have been stuck in a place of miserable safety.

Part of the preparation for this deep grief release work was a letting go of a reflexive need to comment on every post where my friends were venting their anger and frustrations on our so-called “president”. I didn’t want to participate in my addictive anger /rage venting that felt fruitless to make any real changes. The eliciting of the anger/frustration/rage and grief due to the actions of the president felt like I was allowing myself to be:

  • Pulled down to his level of nastiness
  • Giving him attention on an emotional level that feels like time not well spent (even though he is not witness to my outrage).
  • Feeding my addictive behaviors including a need to be right at the expense of making others wrong
  • Isolating myself from those that – mildly disagree with me to the extreme of people who vehemently disagree and maybe even hate me.
  • Isolating myself from feelings that bridge a gap between peoples
  • Stuck in a familiar cycle of known misery.

 

black and white picture of a crying child

Choosing not to participate in “president” bashing is one way to look for more effect means of protest and there are many ways in the nuts and bolts world of emails to representatives, supporting candidate campaigns and so on… I try to funnel my outrage into useful means of action, and I am human I sometimes succumb to bashing and raging.

everything is connected neon light signage

On Saturday evening November 16, 2019 while working on releasing anger and grief something happened. I welcomed the memory of a physically healthy emotionally fractured seven-year-old me back into my body where I could protect him and he could help me heal metaphorically. There was much tenderness love and connectedness in the healing metaphor. I felt my body open spontaneously and released compassion towards a friend on social media and then go beyond towards others in pain and suffering. Love was breathed in and out.

I didn’t know whether my friend received the compassion but to release it felt good to me and hopefully good for him.  And hope it was good for all the others it may have reached. The connection was strong and solid. The act of connecting on many levels was wondrous and highly recommended.

 

Success — what is it beyond patriarchal values?

timelapse photo of trees with background of star
Cycles of Light the Mysteries of Success

In the 1994 one of my clients – a multi-millionaire invited me to a Success Group.  I had a part-time business, though technically what I do is not a business but a service.

My services were starting to become attractive to people; I was becoming known. starting to become known. But at the time I was marking my success as the amount of money I was making. It wasn’t that much in the beginning.

I didn’t feel successful, so what was I doing in a success group?

The other people in the group seemed more successful than me so I continued to wonder why I was there. It wasn’t until my client relayed to me that he observed me as a “man with a purpose” that I realized success wasn’t about the money.

The purpose came on February 6, 1990 when I was called to ask a question: God, what am I supposed to do with my life?” I did not know why I asked the question. In retrospect I can see that I was stable enough on the path of my inner work so I was ready to take a next step. I thought that I might have a dream about my purpose.

There had been no dream upon awakening. I felt groggy and not ready to leave my bed.

A being entered through my groin and curled up into a ball in my stomach. Then a full name came to me.  It was the name of a woman whom I had met about a month earlier that I had instantly disliked. She was a prominent woman in the community so I thought she would have an unlisted and/or unpublished telephone number.

I went to the phone book thinking I would be let off the hook and not be able to call her.  But I found her phone number. I dialed the number. She answered and I identified myself.

I know what I’m about to say sounds crazy, but…” 

I relayed the experience that had just happened.

She said: “I’ve been curled up in the fetal position and I have been thinking about killing myself.”

At that point I made her promise that she would not harm herself in any way until we could meet two days later and work on something life affirming – or something like that.

We met, she told me what had happened to her over the holidays. I had gathered the names of therapists and groups in town from my friends at work (the crisis resident treatment house) as resources for her. I spent four hours at her home listening and responding.

At the end of my stay I handed her the resource list and she said after declining the resources: The universe put you out there to hear my call.  That’s what I needed to start going again.”

 We became friends and colleagues.

I began a healing practice.

Making money is a side effect of what I do and not the main goal of the service. I would venture to write: I live modestly, rent my home and having been raised as a Connecticut Yankee I have learned to live frugally.

I was learning to unplug from patriarchal practices and capitalism into a new kind of living and work. It was (is) work that sustains me and works in part through the principles of quantum entanglement. The problems are challenging and the work for me is as easy as breathing. I feel so blessed to be able to blend heart knowing with body knowing and with mind knowing as a single force for healing.

Success is not about money, though it’s good to receive money for the services I provide. Success has come through my purpose of assisting people to heal and to relieve suffering. Being aligned with this practice of healing completes me and reveals to me a future without money — in a truly new world of cooperation where fear and greed have been overcome. This is success.

 

Columbus Day or Indigenous Peoples Day

man standing on stage
Columbus Day gives permission for the US to commit genocide and slavery in any part of the world as the evidence demonstrates.

From our present moral perspective Columbus Day seems like a day of shame mainly because we committed genocide on indigenous peoples of the New World / Americas. Some cities and states Alaska and Maine have renamed Columbus Day to Indigenous Peoples Day.

Decree and sign into law:

  1. Columbus Day as a Federal Holiday unless Indigenous Peoples Days is included as a Federal Holiday as well. Think of Columbus Day as a transitional holiday – a day or mourning and shame to remind us that the stain of genocide is with us every time we attack or undermine a foreign power. Of course, Italian-Americans and Italians world-wide can still celebrate Columbus as an explorer of the new world who also took slaves.
  2. By taking Columbus Day off the Federal registry of holidays and making Indigenous Peoples Day the holiday instead we honor the people we killed and enslaved even to this day. The shame of Columbus Day can be honored instead by the indigenous peoples of the United States of America. By allowing states to keep Columbus Day and making Indigenous Peoples Day as a Federal holiday we begin to acknowledge our shame and mourn the losses of the genocide we committed as a nation against indigenous peoples and acknowledge and honor their heritage and traditions.

 

Continuing to honor Columbus Day which is a symbol of conquest and war over the native population and honors a heritage of continuous wars that the United States has been engaged in since.

Notable wars have been The American Revolutionary War, The 1812 War, and the Mexican- American War. Many people can name the wars we have been involved in in the 20th and 21st centuries: WWI, WWII, The Korean War, The Vietnam War, The Bay of Pigs Invasion, The Vietnam War, The Gulf War, The Bosnian War, Iraq War, and War in Afghanistan. Yet the United States of America has been continuously at war since 1775 except for a period of 4 years when we had an isolationist president (see Wikipedia link – List_of_wars_involving_the_United_States).

Due to the current non-strategy of foreign policy as directed by the Trump administration and his xenophobia we are becoming a third world power (China Trade Wars). Trump is an example of the most wildly capricious patriarchy that has become chaos and is dangerous. Perhaps it’s time to end the constant resource wars and engage in diplomacy instead. Adding Indigenous Peoples Day as a Federal holiday while retaining Columbus Day as a day of shame, mourning and grief is more accurate with regard to the many resource (oil) wars the US has been engaged with in the late 20th century and currently.

Men, Anger and Rage in the Toxic Patriarchy

2Angers-2
Two expressions of Anger – and Dalai Lama photo credit – see End Note 17

 

Anger and Addiction

Everybody feels irritated and angry at times. Lately there have been many events outside our control where we have all felt outrage.

I grew up under the threat of terrorism. My father was a rageoholic. In my 20 and 30s I too followed his example automatically. The “normal” expression of anger produces adverse physiological changes in our bodies. Since 99% of anger is expressed ineffectively or acted-out, stress-levels registered in the body and in the prefrontal cortex are adversely affected.

Neurotransmitters known as catecholamines are released causing a kinetic energy surge, akin to the fight instinctual survival response. Psychologically a kind of excitement is fomented. This is often an addictive process that can induce discharges of dopamine, epinephrine and norepinephrine also known as adrenaline and noradrenaline. The rush of adrenaline often induces feelings of strength and invulnerability [see End Note 1 for more].

The American Society of Addiction Medicine describes addictive behaviors as:

“Addiction is characterized by inability to consistently abstain, impairment in behavioral control, craving, diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships, and a dysfunctional emotional response.”

Men with an addiction to anger and rage may have additional substance abuse problems. Men, particularly white men whose fathers may have had a drinking problem often have anger, rage and violence issues, with or without substance abuse. Anger and rage are more characteristically predominant in males, particularly white males throughout the food chain of the patriarchy in this post-modern age.

Other physiological symptoms of anger may appear as: teeth grinding and/or clenching, flushing, paling, prickly sensations, numbness, sweating, fists clenching, muscle tensions and bodily temperature changes [see End Note 2 for more].

The Function of Anger

Contrary to popular belief anger is not a negative emotion. The expression of anger either stimulated by fear or in defense of a boundary is usually acted-out. However, two constricting factors are in operation here that help prevent acting-out anger from being eliminated: a new evolutionary biology seems unavailable to all acting-out anger impulses; and the world culture dominated by men supporting acting-out anger.

We have come to expect all anger to be expressed through surges of adrenaline and noradrenaline producing temporary feelings of strength, righteousness and invulnerability. In short acting-out anger is what we have all identified as anger and cannot or have not been able to separate the inappropriate and/or ineffectual expression of anger from the actual stated emotion.

Anger — the emotion without the behavior of acting-out is a legitimate emotion that serves to help establish and maintain boundaries. The surges of energy we experience pushes anger to other emotions such as judgement, righteousness, feelings of power-over, oppositional thinking — “I’m right. You’re wrong.” When rage supplants anger; hostile behaviors invariably ensue and may include divisive thinking, foul language, tantrums, character assignation, and other out-of-control intimidating / threatening behaviors. Rage may spill over into violence, throwing items, pushing, domestic violence and even rape. In extreme situations where rage and fear cycle with one another and feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness also coincide the result may be extreme violent incidences such as gun violence deaths, hate crimes, mass shootings — and domestic terrorism (as well as other forms of terrorism).

When I was a young man in my 30s I felt angry and told my partner:

“You make me so mad,” I barked at her.

“I must have great power over you, then?” she queried calmly.

“No… no,” I said taking a breath and calming down to think.

When we act-out our anger we often blame another for the outrage we feel. It’s what we have been taught as men and women in a toxic power-over culture. We blame others rather than take responsibility for our emotions. We often get lost in raging against the trigger of our anger/rage. The rage then perpetuates itself and we get lost in an addictive pattern which only serves to continue the cycle. This may produce mockery, blame and eventual character assignation of the person we believe to be at fault thus triggering our anger or rage. When we begin to use our acting-out anger to purposely and manipulatively attack another then we may be partially responsible for triggering a reaction. Rarely this is done on purpose except by some power-possessors and malignant sociopaths.

I can testify that it’s very difficult to stop acting-out anger once its begun. I remind myself that I alone am responding to a trigger where anger arises in me. The other person is not at fault for triggering this feeling of anger in me. Sometimes the other person — a relative or partner may want to assist me in processing the feeling and other times not. If I can catch myself during feelings of irritation before acting-out anger ensues then I have a chance of resolving the issue by diffusing emotions around the trigger. Most of the time I don’t even know what specifically has triggered me only that I have been triggered.

When I feel anger rising I state in a calm and even voice — without excessive volume that I feel angry and it’s not the other person’s fault. I take responsibility for my anger. I may know what they did that triggered me. I mention the trigger and invite the other to assist me in working through it if they wish. Obviously, this is not a prescription for all acting-out anger problems it is only an example of what could be done.

Another example: In the 1970s I worked night-shift in a computer back-panel circuit board assembly shop. Most of the time I worked alone on a 20-foot-long machine. I was assigned a partner to help make my work load easier. Because he wasn’t paying attention he slowed the work down. I confronted him about this:

“You’re not picking up your end and you’re throwing off my numbers. This is work. I want you to work and that will make our jobs easier for both of us.”

Later in the break room he demanded that I go out into the parking lot to fight him to which I responded:

“No. I don’t want to waste my time,”

I said as I sat to eat my lunch surrounded by the team.

He left and I didn’t see him for a while. Months later he approached me and told me that I had changed his life. I reminded him that I did nothing but avoid violence and that he decided to change his own life.

Masculinity

Men, particularly white formally educated heterosexual men, who are perceived to be in the top echelon of the ruling class set the tone for our culture. All men are under pressure usually inflicted on themselves through role modelling and the patriarchal meta-rules. They have lived so long under this rubric they don’t recognize the burden of undo stress that they carry. By participating in the feminist movement, they can be liberated from these stresses and become partners in a new humanist movement that has been on-going in fits and starts since the 1970s. Backlash from white conservative men and some women have inhibited the movement and forced it into the background until recent years.

Males from boyhood onwards are not encouraged to identify the nuances of emotion. The response of an untrained man with regard to a wide array of emotions could play out like this in the context of a romantic heterosexual relationship depending on the mindset of the parents, peers and schooling:

“What are you thinking?” the woman partner asks.

“Nothing,” he says.

“How are you feeling?”

“Okay,” he responds. Or

“Sad,” he says. Or

“I’m mad at you,” he says forcefully in an accusatory manner.

It’s not that men don’t have feelings. Men have not named many the feelings they do have and are usually overwhelmed by the amount and depth of emotions they experience. Their most excellent ability to compartmentalize and rationalize emotions keeps them at an emotionally regressed developmental stage of childhood, adolescence or young adulthood. It takes a strong and patient woman to partner with her mate, friend, business associate to assist him — if willing — to grow into a mature human. This same training to identify and manage emotions can also come from Men’s Groups and older wise men who have experienced an emotional education and worked to balance this with their intellect. Women are expert in the nuances of emotion as a matter of survival especially in close relationships with men. In some ways the emotional life of a man beginning his journey in life is akin to a woman who feels overwhelmed and names this whereas the man who feels overwhelmed may not even know he is being bombarded by many emotions that are often contradictory and non-logical. The man is in a chasm because the man acts overwhelmed usually without naming it. Men are trained not to integrate their incisive logic with the chasm of unnamed emotions and therein lies the rub.

The romanticized ideal man of rugged individualism that is “Captain of his Ship” and sole ruler of his domain is a glaring flaw based on compartmentalization and illusion. All men are born into systemic indoctrination of patriarchal meta-rules displayed through role-modeling behaviors by fathers, mothers and social strictures. In the 1950s and before “Men were Men” meaning that there was a codified way of behavior that men, mainly white educated men, displayed and was the definition of masculinity.

The hierarchical power-over system of business and work subjugates less powerful men into subservience; capping and curtailing “rugged individualism” into the frustrations of “playing politics” at work or paying a price — the lack of upward mobility within a company or corporation for example. When they return from work to family their desire to be lord of their domain gains full sway. Any frustrations from work are easily displaced into acting-out anger and rage on family members.

The characteristics of early twentieth century masculinity beyond the protect-procreate and provide model endemic to binary genders to varying degrees were men of strength, courage, independence, leadership and a driven assertiveness sometimes bordering on aggressiveness. Even the idea of an independent man is an illusion especially when considering the rugged individualism of traditional masculine roles. This illusion screens out the interdependency of all people in a culture based on the use of services, protections and cooperation within communities, states, and nationalities.

Independence is a glorified term that harkens back to men as hunter-gatherers and not the more cooperative and complex cultures that began with agriculture, was complicated by the industrial revolution and the interconnectivity fostered by computers and the internet.

The rugged individualists may argue that they can live alone in the wilderness in total independence from anyone — returning to the hunter-gatherer time. This is also an illusion, perhaps the biggest one of all. A man living alone in the wilderness outside of human contact is interdependent on his environment, dependent on animals to hunt, water from streams, and materials for a shelter. The rugged individualist has divorced himself from the sacredness of his home — Earth. He exists in a finite system, the patriarchy, believing or pretending that Earth is a thing and her resources are infinite. Clearly oil is a limited resource and many “cheap” resources are unsustainable. The blindness of the patriarchy’s tool — predatory capitalism helps prevent humans from realizing the illusion of their independence. Only the very rich may appear to live independently but under an illusion that they can use resources of the environment without consequences.

Traditional masculinity grounded into those men born in the 1920s and 30s displayed characteristics we now refer to as a hegemonic and/or toxic masculinity. Traits that once belonged to white, educated middle class heterosexual men — mainly those of a Type A Male Personality exhibited characteristics of dominance, strong leadership, self-reliance, emotional suppression or repression with one major exception. The public expression of acting-out anger came to be expected in men. In addition, male A-type personalities exhibit competition, misogyny, homophobia and may also include intimidation, bullying and in the extreme — domestic violence that includes emotional, mental and physical abuse and violation. This was considered Traditional or Hegemonic Masculinity until the 1980s when it came to be seen as Toxic Masculinity. The chauvinism of machismo men could be defined as a power-over mentality with a disregard of consequences and taking responsibility for one’s actions. It’s easy to see how corporations grasping for increasing power has taken a similar route as the reactionary toxic male role. The machismo definition once belonged to men with high status power stations and a disregard for ethical behaviors. Now machismo acting men have become more reactionary as men who long for traditional values have become radicalized amongst all classes in white male communities.

As straight men and women have begun to become more accepting of the LGBTQ communities (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer — or questioning) and women of the MeToo Movement have sought equality with men, the masculine role from a social context has become fluid. The social roles of changing definitions of masculinity has confused and/or angered men who have no internalized sense of a core masculine energy.

The less educated young jobless white heterosexual men who identify with traditional masculinity have transitioned into extreme versions of its toxic form who are simultaneously both terrified and enraged. Unemployed young white males are more likely to display homophobic and misogynistic tendencies because of economic disparities and social awkwardness with women; as such they are more likely to engage in extreme acts of violence such as: domestic abuse, rape, hate crimes and domestic terrorism in the form of mass shootings. When it comes to rape, hate crimes and mass shootings they come from a victim mentality that reacts with frustration, anger and rage turning their victim status into that of a perpetrator from a place of desperation. This is meant as an explanation of the young white males’ behaviors and does not condone their actions in any way.

Many men feel stuck and /or identified with the societal norms of the role called masculinity and while this may be socially acceptable it can be very confusing for many men who identify with and have a strong, rigid attachment to the hierarchical power-over system of our culture. Groups of men who feel their identification with traditional / hegemonic and/or toxic masculinity are threatened on all sides (LGBTQ, MeToo Movement, the Climate Crisis and the changing roles of men since the 70s and 80s). Conflict and divisiveness are being promoted in all arenas of life ranging from politics, social media and the mainstream mass media and as a result Americans are more divided than they have ever been since the US Civil War. This is reflected in the world as well [See End Notes 3 and 6].

The existential Climate Crisis is a trigger for transformation of the fundamental societal cultural structures mainly the patriarchy, which has been failing since the 1950s. This is not rocket science. It has been increasingly obvious in each decade and yet the will to make changes on a societal and personal scale has been ignored and/or denied to varying degrees. However, the Climate Crisis makes this transformation impossible to ignore because to do so will result in the death of the human species. Men who are strong adherents to the rigid traditional / hegemonic masculine roles once on top of the patriarchal food chain feel that they are under threat of annihilation. The typical response of those that lack a connection to Earth can only respond from a place of fear which manifests as anger and rage as a defense against the radical transformation or death of their identity [see End Notes 6 and 7 for more].

Those men who rely solely on a cultural definition of traditional masculinity as modeled by their fathers, mentors and peer groups without questioning the assumptions fall prey to feeling victimized and getting lost in anger/rage cycles. By acknowledging a universal masculinity originating from within, the power of presence emerges. The inner male /yang presence is a core of unshakable strength and knowing. This inner knowing is connected to all life and has an organic intelligence that balances yang or male energy with yin or female energy in its maleness. This personal inner work to discover a universal masculinity within can act as an anchor in addition to traditional and fluid definitions of the male role. Could this inner work to know the masculine be a safe harbor in the changes happening in the balancing act in the world between binary and fluid genders?

Patriarchal Roots of Rage, Violence and War

The patriarchy is defined as: a social organization marked by the supremacy of the father in the clan or family; the legal dependence of wives and children, and the reckoning of descent and inheritance in the male line. Broadly: control by men of a disproportionately large share of power; one example being US Presidents — all male as of this writing are looked to and even worshiped as a father-figure. Because they are a single figure — the executive branch they have been bequeathed to mythic powers akin an omniscient, omnipotent father, king or even a god.

The roots of the patriarchy, mainly the dominance of men over one another, owning those considered to be objects or ostracized and owning women and children has historically allowed rage, violence and war to flourish. The curtailment of women’s rights has been dubbed to be women’s dependence on men by the system rather than calling it a form of slavery or serfdom. It’s quite possible that the patriarchy or a vertical / hierarchical power structure developed as men’s reaction to the horizontal matriarchal system [see End Note 8 for more].

The structure of the patriarchy is men’s power as in power-over reinforced through acting-out anger, rage, verbal and physical violence. The lowest members of this pecking order often have another to “lord-over” for brief times before the heel of the white male oppressor is reasserted. As the European cultures gained prominence — mainly the Greeks and then the Romans, slaves were taken and owned. While it’s true that much older cultures took slaves previous to the “white” Greeks and Romans. These white cultures were the foundation for logical and critical thought and even the prophesy of the West; the Elysian Fields — the final resting place of the heroic and virtuous in the Greek mythos. This was the beginning of widespread white male dominance and privilege within the vertical hierarchy we call the patriarchy.

Women were considered inferior to men and in earlier times needed protection from other dominant men. Women were considered “cows” for breeding sons so the power could be passed on from father to son.

Women were considered the property of men and could be status symbols advancing the regal name of the man or woman “who bought wives” to advance their station, unless of course the man was a commoner or peasant. The courtly men of name could expect a dowry. Wikipedia describes this term: A dowry is a transfer of parental property, gifts, or money at the marriage of a daughter. Conversely Wikipedia defines: Bride price is money, property or other form of wealth paid by a groom or his family to the family of the woman he will be married to or is just about to marry [see end notes 4 and 5 for more information]. These practices of exchanging money or property still exist in some nations to this day and while in the case of “Bride Price” the family is supposed to bequeath the money or property to the family for the bride, but this rarely happens in practice. The legacies of these traditions are the dark shadows that often linger in the conscious and unconscious misogynistic practices of men [See End Notes 4 and 5].

Women could not own property nor be educated in previous times. But there were exceptions to this “rule” namely wealthy prostitutes or courtesans. These women were “allowed” to be educated and own property and entertain the wealthy or those of the “court” as their clients thus the name “court-esans”. Men taking mistresses and frequenting prostitutes was excused as part of men’s nature whereas women were publicly shamed and/or stoned to death for relations outside marriage. This is an example of the duplicitous nature and the capricious whims of the patriarchy’s improvisation rule-making as it suits men especially powerful men such as Kings, and later dictators, prime ministers, presidents, CEOs, prominent business leaders and eventually all men in today’s culture that aspire to the power-over model. Amongst the power-possessors’ capricious rules and meta rules are blatant but all groups of men have capricious rules and meta-rules. A meta-rule is an unspoken and invisible rule or normative guideline. Even men who are somewhat aware of patriarchal dynamics still fall prey to the meta rules of ole’ boy thinking in any predominantly male gathering. Men in such gatherings who disagree with ole’ boy language and behaviors usually don’t protest for fear of humiliation or ostracism.

Women in the early days of the patriarchy took a passive-aggressive stance to displaying anger with their men and were entirely discounted. Many women still employ albeit unconsciously a passive-aggressive anger towards men as a dysfunction expression and as a defense against rage, intimidation and possible domestic violence. Discounting women by the entrenched patriarchal man exists and flourishes in the current time and throughout society. Misogyny practiced by men to subjugate women and the systemic misogyny world of business exists implicitly and explicitly, while men hold themselves to be “liberated” and “enlightened”. As a result, they continue to deny the oppression of women through the system wide indoctrination of men’s privilege in the patriarchy, which is unseen and unacknowledged by all men to some extent.

All men regardless of their sexual orientation are imprinted unconsciously with the dogma, meta-rules and the privileged rank of the patriarchy. As a gender, men as a whole may not be ready or able to release their acting-out anger. This could be an evolutionary flaw in the development of men as matured human beings or a biological precondition as stated earlier. Women as they have gained more footing with men may have adopted acting-out anger as a coping behavior with men, but women are not in the majority when it comes to expressing anger in this fashion.

Slavery and Genocide

In Europe kings had absolute rule and relegated “the working class” into economic slavery known as serfs [for more see End Note 9].

When the Europeans came to the Americans thousands of indigenous peoples died from disease carried by the white culture to which the native population had no immunity. The indigenous peoples were corralled into concentration encampments or reservations prohibited from speaking their own language, sent into the wilderness on force marches, enslaved and killed almost to extinction. Blacks from Africa were taken as slaves to work in the Americas. Even in the US after the 13th Amendment freed the slaves, loopholes in the amendment allowed the Jim Crow laws to segregate Blacks from Whites, forced Blacks into prisons and chain gangs for minor violations of the law.

Blacks and Indigenous Peoples of the Americas were subjected to inhuman treatment, torture and murders by the racist whites. The systematic white patriarchal male infected with fear, anger/rage, prejudice, bigotry and hatred treated peoples of non-white skin color through segregation, hate crimes and economic slavery that has been proliferated to this day. The US prison system has a disproportionate number of incarcerated blacks as a part of the racist white slave system.

Asian-Americans were incarcerated in internment (read concentration) camps during WWII for fear they would side with the Imperial Japanese. But they were Americans.

Power-possessing men make people of color into things and people then become slaves. Each culture world-wide has made a group into the non-human whether it be Blacks, people of color (other than white) or the “Untouchables” of India or indigenous peoples that have been enslaved or killed in a genocide [see End Note 10].

Besides the obvious injustices, inhumane and murderous treatment of humans as slaves there is a less obvious precept built in to the patriarchy / men and the use of anger. Besides making humans slaves it makes those “owning” slaves subject to a slavery of mind and heart. Acting-out anger is used to divide and conquer. Ordinarily we think of those that are oppressed as the only slaves. The so-called white racist masters are themselves slaves, casting out what would be view as “weakness”, the yin that is in the yang, compassion towards oneself and others are two examples that rise to the surface.

The exclusion of “the other” is an example of rulers who are slaves to the illusion of independence. They are caught in a different way.

Predatory Capitalism — the Zero-Sum Game

A Zero-Sum game in short is where there are an equal number of winners and losers. This kind of game fits in with the competition models of predatory capitalism. Right now, the biggest loser is Earth — our home threatened by the results of human industry and use that produces the Climate Crisis and the economic collapse for the 99 percent. In practice the zero-sum game or thinking is 1% winners plus 99% losers equals total system collapse and the extinct of the human species [see End Notes 11 and 12].

My memory of capitalism in the 1950s and 60s through High School Classes in History and Social Studies portrayed our economic system as a kind of capitalistic materialism. I particularly remember members of the Union that worked for the Big 3 Automakers — namely Ford, GM and Chrysler considered themselves craftsmen and were proud of their work. Cars seemed very solid. My parents bought a General Electric Toaster in the 50s that still works well to this day. Capitalism built products that displayed the care of engineering and craftsmanship in the work.

In the 1980s I became aware that digital cameras that needed repair were often more expensive than buying a new camera. Planned obsolescence was introduced and proliferated. This is especially evident in PCs, iPhones, iPads, and all tablets being introduced every year with new features to wow the trained animal meaning us consumers.

I am not a consumer,

I am a free citizen.

As restrictions were lifted in the 1980s during the Reagan presidency, mainstream media news began a shift to corporate-speak catering to profits instead of truth or even left, right or centrist biased news. Millionaires and billionaires began to appear across the landscape.

Ralph Nader once said that in the 1960s one could request a meeting with a member of The House of Representatives or a Senator and get a same day meeting with them. By the 1980s that was no longer possible because our representatives were beholden to PACs, Political Action Committees or the arms of Big Corporate Dollars. Restrictions were lifted so increasing profits could be made at the expense of quality products and services.

These were the roots of predatory capitalism which fuels greed, power and ownership of the 99% for the most part. It is here that the limited finite game that serves greed and short-term profits of the zero-sum game could be played out in service to money and power. The mainstream media (MSM) services to narrow thinking for the needs of the corporate state and to foment anger to fuel profits at the expense of the truth [see End Note 13],

Products and services could be divided off into pieces and be sold off to other companies and consumers for the purpose of increasing profits. Automation and robotics replacing humans further accelerated profits at the expense of what it means to be a human being. The speed of science and technology is only matched by greed to make enormous amounts of money at the expense of the 99% and the Earth our home which we are destroying via this form of capitalism.

Humans are causing the Climate Crisis through predatory capitalism at the expense of all the people and Earth.

Unless we decide to change it

I will die,

You will die,

We will die.

Humans will go extinct.

Suicide by Greed and insular / xenophobic behaviors.

Or is it too late to make the changes?

Patriarchy Death Throes

In the modern world as evidence suggests; patriarchal practices are breaking down in the face of the climate crisis, the demands of the “Me-Too” movement and populist movements demanding democracy. The recent backlash of patriarchal power-possessing men in fear and terror of the end are re-asserting the mythic past — of poisoning Earth for immediate short-term gain inherent in the tenets of predatory capitalism, demanding greater control over women’s bodies, and blatantly lying in an end justifies the means drive for money and power.

Hate-mongering groups have become more evident of late as many right-wing leaders have been elected worldwide in response to the existential threat of annihilation of the human species due to the climate crisis. Historically, when a massive change confronts a world population and free-floating fears arise many in the population long for an almost mythical past when times seemed better. The operative word is “seemed”; a memory of the past that screens out “extraneous” negative or contradictory information to create a romantic illusion. It’s easier for a frenzied group whipped into hatred by any right-wing leader to long for a mythical past as a refuge and blame a minority or “the other” rather than take responsibility and face the challenges. It’s much more difficult to make changes and take responsibility for the self and for our responsibilities as citizens for past misdeeds and correct these for the good of all poised for the survival of the human species.

Why? Fear of change or an uncertain future of a population can be easily manipulated by a powerful figure into a frenzy of anger and rage at “the designated others”.

A top-heavy patriarchy is currently evident in the USA and in the world. In broader terms the system of the patriarchy is no longer meeting the needs of the majority and is in a state of collapse which began in the 1960s and has reached a crisis point. The power possessors in petroleum-based businesses and in government are fearful of the impending doom of the system and are seeking a power-grab that will cement its power forever and ensure the end of the human species as a by-product.

A Sea Change, a Needed Spirituality and Subsequent Healing

The heyday of the patriarchy represented a time when the natural world was seen as some “thing” to be conquered and tamed. Despite all the criticism heaped on the evils of the patriarchy and the yang force that drove the conquering and expansion is something both to be acknowledged and to bestow our gratefulness. It is through the luxuries of hindsight that we can acknowledge all its shortcomings, its malevolence, benevolence and blessings. We owe a debt to the achievements of the patriarchy. Let us move on to its peaceful end and a new beginning as a cooperative culture of sacredness, equality, justice and fairness for all — not just all human beings but our home and all her animals, plants, water, soil and sky namely — Earth. There is much healing to be done.

Targeting the “other” through vitriolic name calling etc. is not the answer and serves to accomplish a stop to forward moving actions. The 1% and MSM uses anger and hate to divide people so accomplishments for a survivable future are nullified [see End Note 13].

Everyone on Earth wants to survive the perils of Climate Crisis. I believe the most intelligent of the climate deniers are seeking to use the crisis as a way to leverage nations into a one-world government that while appearing to be a democracy, that is in-fact an oligarchy.

Fundamental changes are happening everywhere though they go unreported by the main-stream media and the DNC (Democrat National Committee) or the RNC (Republican National Committee) beholding to corporate power, the Kochs and others. Nevertheless, there is a widespread progressive political movement underway.

My life as a seer into invisible worlds — some call that being a shaman. Whatever one calls it I experienced something unusual in the mid-90s. There was an exodus of the spirits of trees. Yes, the physical tree was visible but the spirit was gone. To my surprise the spirits of these many trees returned indicating that had gone to the spirit world to establish a link for a bigger exodus later on. While it doesn’t matter if you believe me or not, some of these experiences could be seen as metaphors. My male logic is constantly amazed at the accuracy of many of these visions.

Because I didn’t have television I never saw the planes hit the twin towers in NYC until about 6 years later. I considered myself lucky to have been spared. I left the shock and later the fear of people that lived near me — in my community. I had an experience, a vision of the love that surrounds and permeates us from everywhere. The blockage that prevents us from feeling the continue bath of love is our ego or sense of self and the expectation that love has to take a form that we recognize. I realized then that I am was insignificant and inconsequential, just the same as the entire human species. Should we all die our consciousness would live on.

There are two paths for humans to survival of the Climate Crisis and both are intertwined. The resultant actions of both paths will mean the end of the patriarchy, capitalism, acting-out anger, rage and hatred that arises in men, women and fluid genders. They both involve a cultivating a continuing connection to Earth, a renunciation of all that blocks the connection with Earth and her Spirit and in short, a radical change in lifestyle. The first path is the spiritual connection to Earth, a transformation of lifestyle that may prevent the extinction of humans. And it may not at least on face-value.

If all humans die, then like the trees that exited their bodies to enter the world of spirit and return, we may do the same. Our spirit may join with the spirit of Earth in a richness beyond imagination filled with love. We may to return to the corporeal world when Earth becomes hospitable for water, plants, soil, and animals again. Don’t forget that we are animals. [see End Note 14].

Emotions

The heart with its own neurons produces love and has the capacity to perceive love without form. Other emotions emerge because our cognitive processing center strains love through filters of belief where exclusion is applied or judgement and acting-out anger arises as well as fear, anxiety, rage, hatred, greed and so on.

However, the love that is produced in the heart is a baseline love that has not gone through the filter of ego. This love is not identified with romantic love, love of an object such as — my car etc.

Love in this baseline place cannot be experienced when feeling acting-out anger, fear, hatred and /or greed. As such love can hold fears but fears cannot hold love [see End Note 15].

A simple inner exercise may be done anywhere to affirm your baseline emotional presence [see End Note 16]. It can be an ineffable experience.

END NOTES:

  1. The physiology of anger: How Anger Effects Our Brains and Bodies
  2. Anger as addiction: Anger- An Addiction
  3. A strict patriarchal masculine identity — hegemonic masculinity -seeks to justify male dominance using circular logic. In other words, the logic endemic to the patriarchal rubric is justified without adequate critical thinking: Hegemonic Masculinity
  4. Dowry
  5. Bride Price
  6. Men, Rage, Misogyny and Climate Denial: Misogyny Climate-Deniers; Men Resist Green Behavior as Unmanly
  7. Men, Rage, Misogyny and Mass Shootings: US Mass-Shootings and Misogyny in Dayton, OH
  8. Under the horizontal hierarchy of the matriarchy all members of that community mainly men and women were in service to the Divine Feminine. Children were raised collectively. There was no traditional family. All resources were held in common and there was no thought given to an “outside aggressor” because other communities were the same. There may have seemed to be no hierarchy, but women were considered the representative of the Divine Feminine. In procreation men were thought to be vessels of the Goddess or the Divine Feminine. Men were conduits or a delivery system that made a child in a woman. It took a long time for men to realize that they were not merely vessels for the Goddess. Upon this realization they rebelled with acting out anger / rage and violence. The Huns swept across Asia and into the Mediterranean destroyed matriarchal communities and thus the patriarchy began. Men reacted to women’s power by taking it away through acts of isolation for protection from other men. Women were owned and prized for producing sons so the heritage of the patriarchy could continue in perpetuity. It follows logically. Paraphrased from the writings of Jeffery Wolf Green Pluto_Volume_I
  9. Serfs — close to slavery under feudalism: Serfdom
  10. Introduction to Slavery
  11. The Zero-sum_game and Zero-sum thinking: Zero-Sum Thinking
  12. Why Predatory Capitalism Failed…
  13. Mainstream Media uses 10 Rules of Hate to fuel anger and predatory capitalism
  14. A simple and yet difficult transformation for human life on Earth: Hopi Prophesy
  15. A teacher and friend, Bhante once said: For every person that loves it nullifies the hate in 10 other people. Bhante Dharmawara
  16. A spiritual practice to allow one’s emotional presence to exist without content or context: The “I-Am” Inner Practice
  17. the Dalai Lama photo credit and article — Embracing Anger

Other references and resources in no particular order:

  1. Dorothy Roberts — American Scholar, Public Intellectual and Social Advocate. Author of Books and articles including: “Racism and the Patriarchy in the Meaning of Motherhood” — Dorothy_Roberts
  2. “The Dance of Anger” Harriet Lerner PhD Harriet Lerner#Books
  3. “He (Noam Chomsky) characterizes the U.S. as a de facto one-party state, viewing both the Republican Party and Democratic Party as manifestations of a single “Business Party” controlled by corporate and financial interests.Noam Chomsky#Political_views

 

 

Something Simple: The Psychological Effect of Turning off Lights in a Darkened House During Daylight

Well… maybe not so simple

woman pose wearing black abaya dress

An observation:

I have found that turning off lights in the day time when temperatures soar over 100 degrees outside makes a room seem cooler. There is still some light that leaks in from outside so it’s not completely dark.

While there is the mundane of light bulbs radiating heat it’s not the psychological effect that I write to herein.

There’s something about the dark that’s ineffable. It’s mysterious because we can’t see so well into it. The dark of the night can be comforting when we embrace the mysteries with our hearts.

When I read The Night Country by Loren Eiseley (see end notes) I fell into his contemplative prose and was enveloped by the mysteries of his night journey. Night and darkness were never the same again.

Darkness became mystery of infinite worlds… Perhaps this is the psychology of a darkened room in the daytime and at night as well…

 

Notes:

The Night Country by Loren Eiseley

Loren Eiseley Books

 

 

No Time Like The Present

images
The Last Mass Extinction Event, Or?

I had wanted to find out what it would be like to live in a good future because living in America with Climate Deniers in power is terrifying and that’s just a start of a long list of what’s wrong. I’m done with the wrong list. I want to feel okay again. But it’s not so simple as that or is it?

Why does it always have to be the last mass extinction event?

I had read about people that had traveled to a future where things were very different and seemed better. I wanted something like that – a place I could wrap around myself to know that we, as humans, had survived the last mass extinction event.

Why does it always have to be the last mass extinction event? I think there is something violently suicidal and apocalyptic built into our evolutionary genetic structure associated with the ending of the corporeal life of our entire human species:

We don’t know how to change so

“to hell with it. Yeah there’s the cliff. Me and my horse are galloping towards it. I know I will die, let’s ride faster.”

The horse will stop at the last moment hurtling the rider to the death over the cliff.

a car running on the refined remains of dinosaurs

There was a recent poll from The Washington Post about Climate Change. Only 37% said they thought we would have to make major sacrifices to prevent climate change from destroying the human species. And yet major sacrifices may not be enough given the rapidity of the changes so far.

Back to the future

In a previous piece, “Is the future in the past and the past in the future?” this process of what could be next, began.  I received a blessing of “stepping” into a future only to experience the future and the past in the present without content or context. After all we made up the concept of past and future so to travel to one of many possible futures is an illusion. In fact we use past memories to extrapolate a future we wish to create. True?

person performing fire dance at night

Living in a harmonious future where we are honoring our home on earth rather than defiling her as we do now is a desire. Desire is the tool of attachment. When I began my desire to escape this current reality of power-possessors who are also climate change deniers through consciousness time travel I protected my attachment to what I imagined as a better possible future. The experience of creating an arc / circle to experience future and past merging with me in the present created in me a great blessing. I was not aware of the blessing at first.

The Blessing

Due to a recent heat wave, joint and muscular pains in the night I had been having difficulty getting a good nights sleep. Waking up for a bathroom break for five contiguous nights helped set the stage for difficulty falling back to sleep. Over the weekend my mind was jumping about preventing “drift-off” into sleep. Then came frustrations… My mind was producing too much activity that when coupled with flashes of joint and muscular pain as well as skin itch from psoriasis so that sleep seemed impossible. Left side, right side switching further complicated matters even though I was following my own advice of watching my breath without trying to change it. I went to sleep at 11 pm approximately and woke at 4 am for the bathroom break. Speedy mind and jumping thoughts crashed into my consciousness after I slipped back into bed. Just about to drop off – PAIN, dealt with it. Then muscular pain. This went on for an hour. I was drifting again, about to drop off when itchy skin surfaced. My inner voice let me know not to scratch the itch. I saw myself surfing the waves of thoughts.

In the morning I figured I had 4 hours of straight sleep with 2 hours of restless wakefulness followed by 3 hours of solid sleep.

Letting go attachment was the trick; choosing to let go is an opportunity in every moment.

left hand

Same As It Ever Was?

The momentum of post-modern life proceeds without thought, yes I am asleep at the wheel most of the time, as are most folks. We fit in well with having to make money- to eek out a living to drive a car, make payments, buy stuff – make payments, pay bills try to live day to day.

I petition my representatives, sometimes repeatedly, to promote the right thing to do – in my opinion. Fortunately, as a California resident all my representatives are Democrats, nevertheless I petition them to do the right thing. I plan on voting for a progressive Presidential nominee and I hope there will be one elected as president.

Besides working to let go of my attachments in the moment to experience freedom and an expanded present moment I have not yet made fundamental changes to my lifestyle in the face of Climate Change. Oh sure, I don’t drive my car as much – now only 2 to 3 days a week, I recycle, I eat a mostly vegan diet, but I don’t consider these fundamental changes in my lifestyle. I still have a car with an exclusive internal combustion engine running on the refined remains of dinosaurs.

 

 

is the future in the past and the past in the future?

person performing fire dance at night

As a result of vague memories filtering through my physical body I have been remembering a higher vibration in a far distant past beyond recorded history and perhaps a remembering of a future time as well.

Sounds crazy right?

Body memories are often associated with a traumatic past, but sensory memories can be wonderfully positive as well. For a period of about a month my body has been remembering a higher vibrational culture. The first clue of this kind of culture or the entire world first appeared in the early 1970s when I began to have emotional and visual experiences of a future vastly different anything. It was deceptively simple:

I saw a woman walking down a dark street in a large metropolitan area around 2 am in the morning in the summer time without fear, totally at peace and feeling fancy free.

This meant and I’m extrapolating:

  • Women and Men had become equals. Men wouldn’t think of dominating a woman in private or public or committing any acts of violence including rape against women.
  • White men – formerly the privileged patriarchy, were integrated with all peoples of color and ethnic diversity where power-over was no longer practiced. Only the power of presence was celebrated, love and compassion for others was held high.
  • Its quite possible that money no longer existed. Trades happened and all trades were accessed at equal value.
  • Children were honored for their innocence and play. The Elderly were respected for their wisdom, compassion and play. Nature and Earth were honored and revered.
  • Crime was nearly non-existence. Prisons no longer existed, rehabilitation was embraced and celebrated. Police had no need to carry weapons.
  • People took responsibility for their behavior and thinking.
  • Feelings of greed, envy, possessiveness and rage though still present came to be seen as addictive feelings brought about through fear and frenzied states. When we remind ourselves of the love we can access from everywhere and through trees, nature, and personal attributes of loving kindness from others and ourselves those addictive feelings are released.

asphalt blur car city

There are days when the fate of earth seems hopeless – not for earth herself, but for people – human beings on Earth. Part of me wants to go to the future and manifest it in the present. How I do this? With that in my I have been asking Spirit for visions and dreams leading the way. Although this process has just begun I can share with you an exciting beginning:

In the dreamtime I stood and with right arm straightened, palm down, arm stretched left and downwards. I swing it up, colored lights and a rainbow streamer flow out of my right arm as I swing it upward. At midday or 12 o’clock golden yellow light streams out.

A circle of light holds a rarefied space – once common many thousands of years ago. I step forward and the future rushes into the present as the past rushes “forward” to greet it in the present.

I laugh feeling giddy with joy and anticipation.

I wake and realize more work needs to be done on the portal… (more to come)

 

larger cycles of time

The Yugas in Hindu history are cycles of time of 4 million 320 thousand years of four cycles in a descending and ascending parts. New evidence suggests that there was mathematical error that if corrected show humans on the cusp of the Ascending Dvapara Yuga. The numbered sequence below displays the Descending Yugas:

 

  1. Satya Yuga – almost 2 million years long sits at the apex of the Yuga cycles and consists of an ascending and descending Yuga back to back. Average human lives span was 100,000 years. This was / will be a paradise on Earth;
  2. Treta Yuga – was / will be nearly 1 million three hundred thousand years long. Average lifespan was: 10,000 years, Wars appear with kings, divisions of labor occur and oceans and deserts form.
  3. Dvapara Yuga – was / is nearly 1 million years, lifespan 1,000 years. Disease, discontent and fighting become widespread.
  4. Kali Yuga – was / will be a little over 400,000 years, lifespan 100 years. People fall prey to ignorance, darkness and depravity. The environment is polluted, water and food are scarce.

 

For more see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuga

 

More recent research shows humans at the cusp of the Ascending Kali Yuga and the beginning of the Dvapara Yuga:

Yuga2b

 

**

manifesting a good future in the present

In the 90s I was in a relationship with a woman who was always telling me the temperature on very hot days after I had asked her not to tell me. If I didn’t know the temp it wouldn’t seem as hot. In those days of my late 30s early 40s I loved walking across the street during the hottest part of the day – with temps over 100 degrees – feeling the heat in my mouth, nostrils and how it slammed me into my body.

Now as I approach age 70 the heat has a withering effect on me. No longer can I tolerate 100-degree weather. I become stupid – my reasoning ability is diminished.

I was thinking about the weather as I watched the temperature sensor in my car rise up from 85 to 90 degrees in a matter of 30 minutes. However, I was in the bubble of air conditioning and feeling the future through vague body memories about the significance of “the weather”.

Now the weather is an event we talk about. How hot is it? How cold is it? And there may be an air of competition about the temperature.

In the future we are so integrated with one another and the planet weather no longer matters in the way it does now. Sensing local weather for weeks and seasons in advance will seem natural to us. Who could need a forecaster when we all know what is happening weather wise.