Saved at Age Twelve


“I don’t mean saved by Jesus.”

I admit it – I have a dissociative identity disorder. This is one reason I don’t use street drugs, alcohol, or caffeine. It was the dissociative disorder that – most likely saved me from an untimely death during my teens and twenties.

Through the disorder I was spared memories of severe ritual sexual abuse until my early forties when my dominant personality, a good spiritual practice and an excellent therapist, a mentor and a good support network of friends helped me through the memories, flashbacks, body memories, triggers and night terrors. Since age 40 I have been healing my broken heart and integrating lost parts and personalities that were stuck in the abuse.

I still struggle with the healing at times so my life has not been all roses. I searched for the truth and I found it – and my heart was broken. Since then I have been mending / healing the broken pieces.

However the opportunity afforded by the abuse was not the abuse itself but what my Higher Self did with it that opened the opportunities.

I was called to be a shaman many times but I didn’t answer the call immediately:

However I recently discovered that I may not have made it through childhood if a being of light from another dimension hadn’t arrived in my life when I was twelve years old.

Through recent explorations I have discovered with the assistance from a colleague that when I was age twelve a being of light entered and merged with my severely damaged personality to assist me through the healing process and help me with a quest towards Higher Consciousness.

This Being of Light – now a part of me originates in an alternate / higher dimension and has guided me in life.  In the last part of 1962 and the first six months or so of 1963 I was experiencing a Pluto conjunct Sun and Venus transit – my basic self was being destroyed to create something new.

On a day in the Spring on 1963 (when I was twelve years old) I went to the library after school and began reading Pierre Teilhard de Chardin’s The Future of Man about cosmic and Christ Consciousness of Human Beings. That evening I asked to talk to my Father – no easy talk since ordinarily I wouldn’t have bothered because I was so afraid of him.

“Dad, can I talk to you about something?” I asked.

“Sure,” he said. We went into a part of the living room that people didn’t ordinarily sit in.

“You don’t raise your kids by making them afraid of you,” I told him.

“Okay,” he said thoughtfully. “How do you do it then?”

“I don’t know, but I know that fear isn’t the way.”

“Tell me the way, then,” he said rather earnestly.

“Like I said, I don’t know.”

I had said my piece but I didn’t know how to guide him.

It was on that day in the Spring of 1963 that I became aware of hope and started to get glimmers of a new world of communities without fear where people were equal and free to be and express themselves without violence.

It was this that sparked my search for the truth (personal truth) and Cosmic Consciousness and gave me hope that I had a destiny and I felt connected to it – bonded with a future of peace and justice for all beings (people, animals, plants and planet earth) living in harmony because that’s where I had originated.


Forming a Grid to Enhance/Protect a Space


FORMING GRIDS – Gridding a space is easy and useful for empowering a space / property for sale or for protection or…

A real estate owner contacted me about a commercial property that he had had difficulty-keeping tenants.

Could I fix it? The property was part of a building at one end that was visibly and energetically invisible from the street. I gridded the entire building with crystals, and I put a large crystal near the building. The owner who hired me rented it one week after I did the work (in 2005) and the tenet thrives to this day.


Gridding a space stabilizes a space and may act as a beacon to attract whatever energy you put into the crystals. If the building, room or property is square or rectangular you’ll need four clear quartz crystals, points facing up at each of the four corners of the room, building or property. If the space is not rectangular you will need more crystals.

  1. Once you’ve selected the crystals they of whatever size you choose (they can be quite small), place them in a bowl of table or sea salt with the points facing down. This is to cleanse the crystals. Leave them there for four hours.
  1. Do a short meditation to select the four crystals then place them in the four corners of your space. Set you intention and put it into your space.
  1. Go to the approximate center the space and sit in a chair close your eyes and feel / see if the space is balanced. If it is great you’re done. If not, see if you can balance yourself. If not contact me and I will assist you.

Ego Life versus Eternal Life


Ego life is something we all know and have been inculcated with since birth. Ego life is built upon the invention of time and language. We have concluded that we are free from within ego because ego creates illusions that we are free. Once one has a taste of a being life perspective a transcendence of time begins to reveal an essential truth – eternity.

Ego is dependent on the finite and yet pretends the finite is infinite. Being is founded on consciousness and is sublimely infinite and devoid of the context of content. Eternity from an ego perspective is thought of in a linear time matrix. Eternity from the ego point of view may be thought of as living forever. Children equate eternity with life after death in perpetuity in heaven. Eternity and Being spring from the Now in which past and future dissolve as the convenient illusions into an expanded present now. Describing this Being / Now is extremely difficult because we are bound by language, words and concepts all of which belong to a world of the finite and things or content

Moving beyond content is letting go of attachment. Since the nature of our human experience is about becoming attached to the content of life. For example – I identify as having a gender, a sexual orientation, a son, having parents, a nephew, a grandson, a position in society and culture, a race, job status, yearly income, mortgage payments, husband, father, grandfather and the accumulation of other possessions – things etc. and so on… Moving beyond attachment or letting go attachment is no easy endeavor.

In the 1960s early LSD experiments approached from the sacredness of life were the beginnings of the transcendence beyond ego and self to a larger view of reality. People like Ram Dass left the LSD movement behind embracing his Guru the Maharishi and realizing the “Be Here Now” dynamic. Many others took up practices of meditation as a way of transcending ego and feeding essence instead of merely ego.

One of the many times I experienced Eternity of the Now was on the Plaza in downtown Sonoma, California during the early 1980s. It was twilight during a Peace Vigil where I stood with others for peace. It was windy and cool in October of 1983. Someone lit a candle I was holding. The wildly flickering flame became still. I stared near the blue of the flame and the radiance of heat between the wick and the blue of the flame. I felt the core of my being or essence. As in all epiphanies I felt the eternity of the now in that moment and I felt my being aligned with the eternity. It wasn’t a linear eternity as in the-life-after-death of living forever in heaven it felt much bigger than that intersecting many realities. Even now as I write these words, they scarcely describe the awe and immensity of the experience. It was so simple, boundless and simultaneously ego shattering. [There is a vortex on the Sonoma Plaza and like all vortexes – it moves somewhat.]

The spiritual practices that I had begun in 1975 had laid the foundations for a rich understanding of being and /or essence. In 1980 the group I trained with at a spiritual school practiced an exercise called the Expanded Present Moment Exercise. We “went back 10 years” to the linear present of Spring of 1970 and experienced this as an expanded present moment. Then we “went forward 10 years” the spring of 1990. On the day of the exercise 10 years earlier that day passed in linear time in 1990 – I said: “I get it”. It was the experience of Being.

In the future we cannot know content in the same way as we know the memories of our past. We can know our Being. Knowing Being we have an opportunity to work on and develop being. Being work is the foundation of all inner or spiritual practices.