Saved at Age Twelve


“I don’t mean saved by Jesus.”

I admit it – I have a dissociative identity disorder. This is one reason I don’t use street drugs, alcohol, or caffeine. It was the dissociative disorder that – most likely saved me from an untimely death during my teens and twenties.

Through the disorder I was spared memories of severe ritual sexual abuse until my early forties when my dominant personality, a good spiritual practice and an excellent therapist, a mentor and a good support network of friends helped me through the memories, flashbacks, body memories, triggers and night terrors. Since age 40 I have been healing my broken heart and integrating lost parts and personalities that were stuck in the abuse.

I still struggle with the healing at times so my life has not been all roses. I searched for the truth and I found it – and my heart was broken. Since then I have been mending / healing the broken pieces.

However the opportunity afforded by the abuse was not the abuse itself but what my Higher Self did with it that opened the opportunities.

I was called to be a shaman many times but I didn’t answer the call immediately:

However I recently discovered that I may not have made it through childhood if a being of light from another dimension hadn’t arrived in my life when I was twelve years old.

Through recent explorations I have discovered with the assistance from a colleague that when I was age twelve a being of light entered and merged with my severely damaged personality to assist me through the healing process and help me with a quest towards Higher Consciousness.

This Being of Light – now a part of me originates in an alternate / higher dimension and has guided me in life.  In the last part of 1962 and the first six months or so of 1963 I was experiencing a Pluto conjunct Sun and Venus transit – my basic self was being destroyed to create something new.

On a day in the Spring on 1963 (when I was twelve years old) I went to the library after school and began reading Pierre Teilhard de Chardin’s The Future of Man about cosmic and Christ Consciousness of Human Beings. That evening I asked to talk to my Father – no easy talk since ordinarily I wouldn’t have bothered because I was so afraid of him.

“Dad, can I talk to you about something?” I asked.

“Sure,” he said. We went into a part of the living room that people didn’t ordinarily sit in.

“You don’t raise your kids by making them afraid of you,” I told him.

“Okay,” he said thoughtfully. “How do you do it then?”

“I don’t know, but I know that fear isn’t the way.”

“Tell me the way, then,” he said rather earnestly.

“Like I said, I don’t know.”

I had said my piece but I didn’t know how to guide him.

It was on that day in the Spring of 1963 that I became aware of hope and started to get glimmers of a new world of communities without fear where people were equal and free to be and express themselves without violence.

It was this that sparked my search for the truth (personal truth) and Cosmic Consciousness and gave me hope that I had a destiny and I felt connected to it – bonded with a future of peace and justice for all beings (people, animals, plants and planet earth) living in harmony because that’s where I had originated.


2 thoughts on “Saved at Age Twelve

  1. Pingback: Remembering the Future – psychesweather

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