Surrender

Occasionally I think about the arc of my life as a rainbow of possibilities replete with connections, connections of the heart to friends, relatives and lovers… Tonight I feel filled with love, blessed to live in community. I feel incredibly wealthy and blessed. Thank-you.

The community in Sonoma and in the world for all that I have touched and whose hearts have touched mine. The connections through the WordPress blogs, Facebook and Medium to name a few are also heartfelt. I am deeply grateful and honored.When I dip into the breath and down into meditation the web and weave of a greater consciousness seems to open. In that opening I have glimpsed destiny based on synchronicities, karma, perception and the oneness of the heart. It is as if my life has been written as I surrender into a higher consciousness letting go of ego for those briefest of moments.
In 1990 when I asked the question – “God what should I do with my life?” and the subsequent “answer” that led to a place of choice. I could have continued to pursue what “I” (ego) wanted to do – make video, write unsuccessful screenplays and continue to work as a Crisis Counselor or…

I could surrender to a life as a “seer” and healer. So I surrendered. However that initial act of surrender wasn’t the only one. My rebellious and bratty ego keeps making himself known and this requires continual acts of surrender to the path.

I wish I could adequately describe the feelings of sweetness connected to the act of surrender. However the 1990 act of surrender wasn’t my first. My ego remembers all the seemingly magical acts of surrender, and there were many that were failed or seemed not to produce any obvious results.
To arrive at a place in ourselves where surrender is possible other avenues of work are required to generate the energy of beingness necessary for the sacrifice in the surrender process.
Avenues of work on oneself:
Struggle: Most people have an onerous association to struggle and avoid it. Most of our struggles are successful and easy. Getting out of bed in the morning, or driving to work etc. Paying taxes may be a task we put off – so that may be an odious struggle.

Struggle is the battle between “Yes” and “No”. The cultivation of the Witness observer self helps in two ways: it allows non-attachment to develop and the observer / witness can create energy from the friction of the struggle.
Help: Most people ask for help much as a child would ask an adult for help in the same way people ask for help from God, the Divine, the Universe etc. Many people expect help will arrive because they asked and that the help will arrive in a clearly recognizable way. Help can come when we make space for it and are attentive to the ways in which it can arrive and how we respond to it.
Learning: Learning can come from books. Deeper learning comes from direct contact with a Master and /or teacher.
Surrender or Sacrifice: This can only happen in the present moment. It involves a surrender of thought, feeling and motion (somatic knowing). It involves letting go of expectation and fears. When ego is released the Witness or Observer self may be present.
In 1982 will participating with 50 or so individuals in a practice of a Gurdjieff Sacred Dance – The Great Prayer, during the last twenty minutes I experienced a divine presence “doing” the movement while my Witness Self observed. This was an ineffable experience where to use words to describe it would denigrate it.

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