Rant on – Happy New Year

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If you say to me “Happy New Year” does this mean I’m going to be happy all year? If I’m not happy does that mean I can come to you and get a refund, punch your lights out, weep, moan and tear my hair out and you won’t bill me for therapy?

Will this happiness last all year or just a few seconds before midnight on December 31st and a bit afterwards until I pass out from drunkenness? When I wake up with a hangover I won’t feel so happy.

“Have an awful New Year.”

If we play it safe and say “Have an okay New Year” then when it turns out badly I might feel awful, but I might be okay.

If we say “Have an awful New Year,” I might walk away from you because you’re a downer, I might argue with you.

And what’s this about a hangover?

If in 3 months on April 30th I could say “Happy New Year Three Quarters Left” or on June 30th “Happy Half New Year”.

Or looking back as if that’s possible – Happy Old Year.

And what’s this about a hangover? Something is hanging over me, an over hang from a cliff built from drunks about to fall on top of me all with the same face, well not exactly the same, different ages of me when drunk in the past that I don’t remember because I was filled with drink – But I digress.

New Year – hmm. So arbitrary. We made it up. We made up time, we made up years, decades, millenniums, centuries, epochs, seconds, minutes, hours, days weeks, months. So a New Year doesn’t matter. Better to celebrate a new day. Go to sleep and wake-up – that’s a miracle and a new day

Happy New Day.

Happy Day!

Okay Day?

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A New Kind of Christmas Prayer

X-MasCard

My mother liked buying Christmas cards all year long. She had huge clear plastic bags of them in the cedar closet and elsewhere in our house.

I told people I was from the future.

In my 20s she invited me to take some to send. I took some, she said take more… So I selected bunches that were all the same painting. I wasn’t much into sending Christmas cards but I took them because my mom wanted me to have some. I think she was overwhelmed with the amount of the cards she had stored up.

Every year for many years I had many of these Christmas cards. It was impossible to send them all to people I knew – maybe I had over 100 cards.

universal wishes

Every since I could remember I longed for a better world as if I had a memory of this world. Perhaps I did remember a different world because I told people I was from the future. I could feel a world and people at peace with themselves, everyone in the community, not just locally but nationally and internationally. And not just with people, but will all the beings of Earth. Often we ascribe life to biological beings only, I saw and I see all beings, rock, water, air and our sun as beings.

There’s something magical about getting mail (snail mail) from yourself especially if you don’t immediately remember that you sent it.

Every year sometime in my 20s I would write a Christmas card to myself with 7 wishes written inside. Four or five were universal wishes and the other two or three were personal. There’s something magical about getting mail (snail mail) from yourself especially if you don’t immediately remember that you sent it.

I began practicing finding a sense of peace within myself

You retrieve it from the post box and look at the envelope. The writing / printing looks familiar. You rip it open and your remember that old mill in winter and your read the wishes. I stopped sending cards when I ran out and I had begun thinking that wishes were melancholy ways to stay stuck – keeping wishes as wishes that would never come true because they postponed the event into a future that didn’t exist.

Create the peace you want in yourself and be it in the world.

I began to visualize using all my senses to what world peace might feel, look, smell and be like. I began practicing finding a sense of peace within myself and finding threads that would connect peace feelings to others.

I invite you to send a snail mail card to yourself of your wishes and then visualize with your thoughts and senses and your emotions what you are creating now. Create the peace you want in yourself and be it in the world.

For an unwind hot non-alcoholic beverage in a mug try: https://psychesweather.wordpress.com/2016/12/02/a-non-alcoholic-hot-toddy-for-sleep/

A Code of Conduct for Men with Women, Children and Other Men

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Or Equality Hugging

Preface

Men are in a position of power in this culture because of their gender and that has been invisible for the most part to them. Women have known about the abuses of men’s power positions for as long as the patriarch is old. It’s becoming more visible now, thankfully and has a long way to go. Men have set many precedents to treat women and others as objects to be subjugated and this has remained acceptable and even hailed as “good” amongst men and some women.

Men who have been victims of sexual crimes such as rape, sexual assault, violations, incest and ritualized sexual abuse as children and feel to be victims / survivors are keenly aware of men’s power than those men acting as perpetrators.

A Possible Code of Conduct

When I was recovering from memories of having been raped as a child I began to create boundaries. Many people men and women make a tacit assumption – it is okay to hug. Amongst my friends and acquaintances I had to stop people from hugging me. I asked them to ask me if was okay to hug me.

Some men employ the bear-hug. This is a clamping down on the hugee to a point where the hugee is crushed by the hugger. Most hugs are unequal. There is a hugger and a hugee. The hugger gives a hug or is the aggressive hugger – even if gentle. The receiver of the hug does just that – receives without choice in the matter. Most hugs are not shared they are given and received. An aggressive hugger can “get-off” sexually on the hug without any seeming impropriety. The best a receiver of a hug may be able to do is the A-Frame Hug. They lean into the giver’s hug with their head and shoulders. Only the very top of their chests may be in contact with the other.

 

The Code of Conduct is Simple

Step One:

“May I give you a hug?”

“Yes.”     Or      “No.”

 

Step Two:

Or you could re-frame the experience:

“May I give you a hug?” Could be met with:

“No, but I will share a hug with you.”

“Same difference,” the hug perpetrator could say.

Response – Walk away

Or they could say: “What does that mean?”

If its said sarcastically its probably best to refuse all together and walk away.

 

In sharing a hug –

Each hugger gives and receives the hug equally.

Explanation and practice required.

 

Am I splitting hairs? Maybe, but I don’t think so…