releasing chronic anger and underlying grief

abstract beads blur bright
a web of connection

Anger serves a purpose as a defense against immediate threats in present time. The emotion is often produced in conjunction with fear. Fear is experienced and is often followed directly by an acting-out anger response. Boys and men are more accustomed to this way of behaving because it is condoned and often encouraged by the fabric of society – namely patriarchal norms.

The way many children were raised in the 1950s and early sixties by fathers’ who had returned from WWII with undiagnosed PTSD was through a reign of terror often accompanied by addictive problems to alcohol, drugs and anger/rage. The children of those parents were subjected to constant anger and as adults have often adopted maladaptive patterns of chronic anger.

man couple people woman

When terror is unleashed on a woman or on children repeatedly over long periods of time – fear, anger and depression may be the result. In addition to an emotional stance in the world many of these women and children many somaticize some or all of these emotions. The emotions become tensions in the musculature and skeletal structure of the body and are sequestered from the conscious mind.

The nature of most humans is to avoid discomfort whether it manifests as physical, emotional, mental and/or spiritual pain. In so-called developing and developed nations an immediate response to pain is to take a pill for it. “Make it go away.” “Fix me.” “Stop this now!” “I can’t stand this any longer” are some of the responses to physical and emotional pain or discomfort. Pill popping, alcohol consumption, marijuana smoking, crack/cocaine use, and any kind of addictive process is an effort to escape the effects of immediate pain. I am not advocating the non-use of responsible herbal or pharmacological methods of reducing or managing extremes of pain I am only pointing out a pattern to behavior regarding pain.

Some cultures especially indigenous peoples treat pain in a different manner than in the “Western Post-Modern” cultures. Explorations into pain can sometimes produce a release of it that can be freeing as well as act as a release from immediate pain.

I followed the role-model of my father’s rageful behavior while being terrorized by it simultaneously. I vented rage at my sisters’ cats by chasing them under the couch and hissing at them; I felt so angry. It was the only safe place I could vent the rage I felt. For many years I clenched my jaw because “I felt determined” as other people were to reach their goals. I incorrectly assumed that because other people had their mouths closed that they were clenching their jaws too, and were also determined. It wasn’t until the mid 1980s that I realized that these were incorrect assumptions and that I felt extremely angry all the time.

Like any addict the rage would go underground until it erupted into a tantrum usually against a significant love relationship with whoever I was with at the time. I began to work with these feelings and worked to let them go as they arose. As I worked traumas from my childhood were revealed to me. I worked through these too as best I could until I reached a plateau.

Recently I have come to see that triggered anger/rage that arises both from awareness of injustices and from chronic anger has served to keep me isolated from others. As a child I was extremely isolated. And now I have been isolated (and stuck) in part by choice. However I have started to work with the chronic anger anchored in my body in order to uncover and release the profound grief of past traumas.

I have been preparing for this voyage into the release where I have kept myself separate from others and as a result have been stuck in a place of miserable safety.

Part of the preparation for this deep grief release work was a letting go of a reflexive need to comment on every post where my friends were venting their anger and frustrations on our so-called “president”. I didn’t want to participate in my addictive anger /rage venting that felt fruitless to make any real changes. The eliciting of the anger/frustration/rage and grief due to the actions of the president felt like I was allowing myself to be:

  • Pulled down to his level of nastiness
  • Giving him attention on an emotional level that feels like time not well spent (even though he is not witness to my outrage).
  • Feeding my addictive behaviors including a need to be right at the expense of making others wrong
  • Isolating myself from those that – mildly disagree with me to the extreme of people who vehemently disagree and maybe even hate me.
  • Isolating myself from feelings that bridge a gap between peoples
  • Stuck in a familiar cycle of known misery.

 

black and white picture of a crying child

Choosing not to participate in “president” bashing is one way to look for more effect means of protest and there are many ways in the nuts and bolts world of emails to representatives, supporting candidate campaigns and so on… I try to funnel my outrage into useful means of action, and I am human I sometimes succumb to bashing and raging.

everything is connected neon light signage

On Saturday evening November 16, 2019 while working on releasing anger and grief something happened. I welcomed the memory of a physically healthy emotionally fractured seven-year-old me back into my body where I could protect him and he could help me heal metaphorically. There was much tenderness love and connectedness in the healing metaphor. I felt my body open spontaneously and released compassion towards a friend on social media and then go beyond towards others in pain and suffering. Love was breathed in and out.

I didn’t know whether my friend received the compassion but to release it felt good to me and hopefully good for him.  And hope it was good for all the others it may have reached. The connection was strong and solid. The act of connecting on many levels was wondrous and highly recommended.

 

Something Simple: The Psychological Effect of Turning off Lights in a Darkened House During Daylight

Well… maybe not so simple

woman pose wearing black abaya dress

An observation:

I have found that turning off lights in the day time when temperatures soar over 100 degrees outside makes a room seem cooler. There is still some light that leaks in from outside so it’s not completely dark.

While there is the mundane of light bulbs radiating heat it’s not the psychological effect that I write to herein.

There’s something about the dark that’s ineffable. It’s mysterious because we can’t see so well into it. The dark of the night can be comforting when we embrace the mysteries with our hearts.

When I read The Night Country by Loren Eiseley (see end notes) I fell into his contemplative prose and was enveloped by the mysteries of his night journey. Night and darkness were never the same again.

Darkness became mystery of infinite worlds… Perhaps this is the psychology of a darkened room in the daytime and at night as well…

 

Notes:

The Night Country by Loren Eiseley

Loren Eiseley Books

 

 

Mercury Retrograde – Be a Change-Agent

In other words don’t play the Mercury retrograde blame game

planet-mercury
planet Mercury

[This a reprint of an article from 2015 with current events added]

Mercury is retrograde from July 7th through July 31st 2019

Introduction

As an astrological practitioner I used to think that astrology was a correlative system developed by the ancients to match astronomical phenomena to current Mythos. According to an article by a physicist, astrology is the study of the relationships of electromagnetic fields around planets, stars, solar systems and galaxies. It feels that both are true. However since astrology is a tool, I don’t want to be thought of as just an Astrologer. I work as a Shaman with the tool of astrology in my bag.

Astrology is a tool to help us take charge and be a change-agent especially during the intensity of retrograding planets. Now’s the time, so take charge!

An astrology teacher once advised me not to go backpacking into Desolation Wilderness in the High Sierra of Northern California because of a Saturn transit which indicated a possible fall and broken bones. I told her: “I’ll be careful.” I didn’t fall nor did I break any bones.

I know people that use astrology to justify their fears and stop them selves from doing this or that because of what planet is this way or that way. I call this Victim-Astrology, the use of astrology as a way to curb behaviors as if there were a giant code in the sky that could tell us the right or wrong way to do something.  This could be an example of becoming a tool of astrology rather than using astrology as a tool.

Retrogrades and Mercury Retrograde

The term retrograde is applied to all planetary bodies in our solar system except Earth, the Moon and the Sun.  Retrograde is the apparent motion of a planet that appears to go backwards against the zodiac from the point of view of being on planet Earth.  A retrograding planet is an optical illusion. The planet is not going backwards in the sky (see the link at the end of this report for a visual demonstration and a second link for more information on retrograde motion). During a retrograde motion the planet is as close to the Earth as it will get during its orbit.

Western Astrologers claim that during Mercury retrograding communications become more difficult as if they weren’t already difficult enough. In addition to that thinking, contracts, machinery breakdowns (especially computers and automobiles), and travel snafus are more common during this time. Often times clients will call me to ask if Mercury is in retrograde because communications are off in their lives and more often than not the retrograde is not happening.

The complexity of our culture, the speed in which technology and change occur and the institutions that we once relied on for stability have been for many years have been destabilizing. Climate-change, growth of the power of Corporations, failures of governments are examples of the destabilizing factors. Looking to a phenomena beyond our control is a good way to – at the very least – explain what is happening and at worst is a way to abdicate our sense of responsibility and put the blame on Mercury retrograde.

Are we making a self-fulfilling prophecy when we blame Mercury Retrograde for our problems?  Probably.  If so this is an error in judgment when we blame Mercury retrograde for problems that could happen at any time.  What about all the events that go right during the Mercury retrograde period?  When you look for problems through the filter of Mercury retrograding are you not more likely to find them? Western Astrologers make the problems of Mercury Retrograde worse by playing on our fears. They write about adversity and those wishing to know more feed into these fears and make matter worse. Western Astrology assumes that the energies of a planet in retrograde make the energies go inward. This is deductive logic at work. Communications are difficult as I look for all the examples that make my case.  But logic is does not always reveal truth, for example – if all cops wear blue than if I am wear blue I must be a cop. When we fall victim to astrology, mainly Mercury Retrograde we may unwittingly fall into victim-think. Is it not better to rise to a challenge by meeting it when we feel able to do so, than running away because we are afraid?

Since Mercury is the closest planet to Earth and it is closer still during a retrograde period (usually 3 weeks 3 times per year) it follows that the electromagnetic influences may be more intense than when Mercury appears in direct motion (going forward against the background planets and stars). There seem to be three choices that could be made with regard to Mercury retrograding.

  1. Engage in the intensity
  2. Remain neutral, observing oneself and acting from a neutral base
  3. Retreat, and meditate

I have come to see this as an empowering choice for clients and myself instead of a way to limit our actions due to a certain point of view. And in fact Vedic or Jyotish Astrology interprets retrogrades in the much the same way.

Other Planets Retrograding or going Retrograde / Direct in 2019

jupiter
Jupiter remains retrograde until August 11 at 6:37am PDT at 14 Sagittarius 30
Uranus
Uranus goes retrograde August 11 at 7:2 pm at 06 Taurus 37

 

Saturn
Saturn remains retrograde until September 18 at 1:47am at 13 Capricorn 55

 

Pluto
Pluto remains retrograde until October 2 at 11:39pm PDT at 20 Capricorn 38
1bg
Neptune remains retrograde until November 27 at 4:32am 15 Pisces 56

 

Mercury retrogrades on October 31 at 8:41am PDT at 27 degrees 58 seconds Scorpio

Mercury goes direct on November 20 at 11:12 am PST at 11 degrees 38 minutes Scorpio

 

An animation for retrograding Mars:

Animation Gif of Retrograding Mars

 

Learning and Transformation: Sacrifice Part 3 of 4

Review of parts 1 and 2 – Learning and Struggle 

Both learning and struggle as discussed in the previous two parts belong to the mundane world in as much as everyone learns and struggles. Most mundane learning and struggling is fruitless because the state of humans are more interested in comfort than truth, although any healthy ego might say “I want both.”

person performing fire dance at nightLearning and struggling when applied with the aim of truth for expanded consciousness, for example involve years of hard work.

Sacrifice and Help 

The second two of the four sources belong to the principles of mystery and the divine. Mystery is unfathomable and cannot be explained. Attempts to explain mystery destroys it. In our current epoch the divine is thought of in a parental manner where God bestows grace and divinity upon us as children. The notion of receiving the grace of the divine as children means that we feel we owe no payment in return. Out of this attitude notions of getting something for nothing out of entitlement arises. Nothing need be done to sacrifice or ask for help from the divine without payment. The divine aspects of sacrifice and help will become more evident in this piece and in part four.

 

Sacrifice 

Part of the mindset of much modern spiritual nomenclature rejects the word and idea of sacrifice as too harsh and “old world”. It would rather replace the word with “surrender” which implies a process of gracefulness, softness so that it eschews the edges of sacrifice and thereby misses the point.

Sacrifice in most ways is the opposite of struggle. In struggle separation occurs first followed by choice. In other words: I am confronted by something I don’t like doing, I do it and the friction of choosing to do it creates energy. Sacrifice is an act of will or choice from which separation comes and one relinquishes control in the moment regardless of consequences. Sacrifice is a payment without a transaction. A transaction is a payment for goods or services. A sacrifice is payment without expectation for goods, services or anything. A sacrifice once completed is not talked, written or broadcast in any way.

A Partial Example of Sacrifice

The following would have been a sacrifice were it not foolishly reported here:

I was fairly new to California and systems of parking. I lived in an apartment building, that did not have off street parking. I would park as close to the car in-front of me, lock and walk away.

A man started yelling at me from across the street:

“You’re parking wrong.” I told him I was not.

“You’re supposed to park in-between the lines.”

“What lines?” He pointed vigorously at the street:

“Those lines.”

“Other cars aren’t that way,” I pointed out starting to get more entitled.

“Can you even see the lines?” his face was turning red.

I looked at the lines and saw that he was right and I said:

“You’re right. I’ll move my car.” I moved my car to between the lines.

After that he wanted to be my best friend – he couldn’t stop talking, invited me to Golds’ Gym (underneath the apartment building). I thanked him and politely said no and went inside never to see him again.

In the moment I chose to move my car and park it correctly between the lines on the street I sacrificed my position. I was at peace with myself, contained and present. All the force had gone out of the argument. He didn’t know what to do with the energy so he spent it talking and offering me a gift.

Sacrifices when claimed by ego are no longer sacrifices. In my example my ego was saying aren’t I just great for sacrificing my righteousness and allowing myself to look weak in front of this guy. I abdicated the sacrifice by broadcasting it and implicitly pointing to my “greatness”.

Sacrifice and Decision

background beautiful blossom calm waters

When sacrifice is carried out by choice or decision without expectation of result the most common result is freedom. With enough practice with all the four sources [learning, struggle, sacrifice and help] within the context of autogenic training the freedom experienced after most sacrifices does not have to be frittered away; it can be used for more inner work.

Most sacrifice comes as a result of choice or decision. Sacrifices by choice occur in the moment at a precise time when it feels right, when the timing is right. A sacrifice by decision comes before we are confronted with an argument. This is an act of will. The suspension of ego by decision allows will to flow through us and this is experienced as a force or a divine force.

Some sacrifice is not voluntary. This usually happens after the death of a loved one. One can rebel against the death through denial, suppression of feelings reproach and so one that keeps us stuck in the moments before or at the moment of death. If we renunciate our feelings we sacrifice the grief and sadness and begin to move on. And without expecting it we are able to maintain connection with the one that has passed as an unexpected result.

Guidelines for sacrifice: 

  1. A desire for reward destroys sacrifice.
  2. Bargaining does not enter into sacrifice.
  3. Do or do not: sacrifice is all or should not be done because it is not a true sacrifice.
  4. Sacrifice must be something you consider precious.
  5. Search yourself for attachments and ask if you can sacrifice them.
  6. Sacrifice can be made for a good reason, but never for a result.
  7. Sacrifice is never about struggle, it is decision
  8. Keep your sacrifices to yourself.

 

End Notes

  1. *Transformation by J.G Bennett p. 39-45, published by The Claymont Society for Continuous Education copyright 1978.
  1. for further reading: A Primer – Autogenic Training
  2. see also Learning and Transformation Part 2 of 4
  3. see also Learning and Transformation Part 1 of 4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some problems with consciousness, humans and the human brain

timelapse photo of trees with background of star

Inevitable Reductionistic Thinking    Trying to explain consciousness from a neurobiological and / or a quantum physics frame is one of reductionistic directionality. Each discipline looks to the brain as the origin of consciousness. A human perspective quite naturally seeks to reduce in order to explain and this is natural from the ego perspective of control. Ego is the center of consciousness just as it was once thought that Earth was the center of the solar system – all planets and the sun revolved around Earth.

Consciousness is everywhere and permeates everything and the spaces between everything [see end note 1]. And therein lies the rub. Consciousness is space-time. It’s impossible to grasp from an ego or ordinary level of consciousness. This concept of consciousness is bigger than any concept. Even if consciousness was only a finite substance it would be impossible to jam it into something as small as a human brain.

Human Life as a Transceiver  The human brain is a transceiver of consciousness in the current form of recycled thinking and memories that make a core attachment to a self in one lifetime. Short-term memory and habits built from long-term memory create attachment built on illusion of time and ego/self and are thought to be “real”.

night computer hard drive hdd
We can’t help to pictorially reduce “a picture” of memory from a storage device,  but shared memory in the larger neural net is infinite.

When people die and leave their bodies they become a part of a larger consciousness but often do not directly perceive the larger consciousness due to their attachment to their most recent incarnate self. They live and function within this higher consciousness state that exists outside of time and space and yet has a relationship to time and space through the process of reincarnation. It’s very difficult for us as humans to perceive a level of functioning without time or space. Corporeal existence is predicated on the boundaries of space-time in a finite reality at least with immediate perceptions.

round grey framed black lens sunglasses on yellow petaled flower plants

Evidence of evolving consciousness in the finite world may be impossible to measure, but it may be known in the consciousness state after death. In space-time we eat food to survive and maintain our bodies through digesting food and making energy. Where is the consciousness that is aware of the energy-making process from the digestion of food? It doesn’t ordinarily exist. The analogy here is the same as the absorption of energy into the state of “life-after-death”.

  • Conscious suffering (without attachment) creates energy
  • With work energy may be stored for a continued creation of energy
  • The energy is light.
  • Upon death energy or light is absorbed into the consciousness
  • Consciousness evolves

Almost 100 percent of suffering is unconscious and is wasted. Attachment to suffering whether noble or ignoble (positive or negative) is nearly inconsequential with regard to making energy. Some individuals through fear and/or anger use up the energy needed to “cross” to “the other side” and so remain here as ghosts. Much of the love – light – energy created can be cancelled out by negative emotions preventing passage, but if enough light-energy remains a passage may occur to “the other side” [see end note 2]. Releasing attachment to suffering doesn’t mean that the suffering will not cause pain, anguish and grief to name a few. Also, there is no automatic release of energy from a release of attachment that floats into higher consciousness. If attachment is released and the ego gets hold of the sensation then talk about it inevitably follows (a different sort of attachment) and the energy is wasted.

Humans, Memory, Consciousness and Attachment   Attachment is the block to enlightenment and is needed for enlightenment.

Attachment to thoughts and feelings that compose the consciousness of the core self may be the definition of the human self in corporeal form. Memory plays a key role in assisting and reinforcing attachment to a core self and / or ego. Formation of memories and our attachment to them give our identity a place in space-time. Memory is the foundation of linear time as our existence. Without attachment and memory there would be no sense of self and no time, at least as we currently define it. Attachment may not exist without memory, and consciousness is also bound by memory in our corporeal state.

bureau bureautique trombones secretariat

Incarnation from one life to another is often an interruption of memory of a previous life or lives and those memories that immediately preceded birth. During the “life after death” process it could be that the attachment to the previous life is released enough so that an individual consciousness can separate from the whole and be reborn. It could be that no identity or a sketchy identity exists so that when conception occurs life before is either forgotten or obliterated. Or it could be that there may be conception trauma: a formless consciousness is suddenly attached to a fertilized egg and the resulting trauma severs the connection to all that happened before and to the larger formless consciousness.

Forgetting could serve a purpose of creating a new self not entirely based on old attachments and allowing an opportunity for energy to be created for higher consciousness.

The separation from a possible oneness sensation in higher consciousness in order to return to it after death allows spaces for energy to be formed and stored to be “eaten” by higher consciousness.

Humans are currently attached to the idea that we are humans and therefore the importance in being a human. Higher Consciousness allows humans to be created repeatedly through reincarnation with a hope that an awareness will grow into a force of consciousness while in human form to feed the higher and perhaps achieve enlightenment.

The nature of being human is to be attached. This is neither bad nor good. When we begin to become aware of our attachment and work on releasing it in the moment, knowing it will come back to us when we think or know ourselves – our ego – when we think or say: “I”, “me” “mine”. When repeated actions to release attachment occur through our work a greater awareness becomes available and eventually states of, or a continuum of enlightenment may manifest.

As humans in the current vibrational cycle on the low side in the chaos pattern of transformation the common belief is that we are all separate. The world right now is straining and breaking the concept of separateness so clues of unity are emerging and becoming evident. The reactions vary between optimism of the unknown and pessimism of the unknown thus the schisms in early 21st century culture and increases in separateness. Pessimism, unexamined or repressed/rationalized grief and disillusionment bring many fearful peoples cling to the illusion of separateness an every person for themselves ideology. While that is true from a limited finite mindset, the ideas of quantum mechanics are emerging from the background. One tenet of the quantum world is that consciousness creates the world around us and that matter and energy are connected. Knowing that we are not separate many save us from the existential world threat – or the extinction of the human and many other species.

adventure climb clouds cloudy

Examining memory related illnesses can reveal how consciousness, memory and time are connected. Dementia and Alzheimer’s are clear examples of how persons with this disease lose their sense of self and time through savage memory losses. Dementia appears to be less savage than Alzheimer’s because a sense of self is maintained over a longer period in a variety of age regressive memories or sub-personalities. Alzheimer’s seems more aggressive because it destroys the memory of self much more quickly than dementia.

I had an opportunity to have lunch with a family where an elder male was in the middle to late stages of Alzheimer’s. At the time it didn’t feel like an opportunity but a battle for survival: mine. His personality was confused and frantic partially because there was no place in his body while in a crowded restaurant to find home. He repeatedly attacked my body’s perimeter. I had to coax him back into his own body. When we finally left the restaurant, he returned to near his own body and was lightly tethered there like a horse outside a saloon in an old western tv show. The attack was persistent, wild, chaotic, confused and desperate but not personal. I was firm in protecting my space and not letting him in and insistent on him going back to his body with some healing to help him stay.

The opportunity came after the incident in as much as there is an electromagnetic field that supports our neural net outside the brain. It is social and identifies with the safety of friends and family. His neural net was looking for home. He could not find it in his own family because they were emotionally chaotic within themselves due to his disease in the midst the chaos of the general business of the restaurant. He found it (home) in my calm demeanor as a healer and shaman.

 

Some end notes

Consciousness is everywhere.

Our brains and the perceptual facilities our brains, egos, memory and space-time affords us are the synaptic hubs where consciousness is processed through a biological human self.

blue and red galaxy artwork

From a larger perspective we sample each life from a large and formless consciousness that is infinite and feeds the individual in a finite context. This limited context is life as we ordinarily know it. When we can release our attachments to suffering and allow the friction of approach-avoidance conflicts inherent in all suffering to be released energy can be created and stored. It can be stored for the honing of consciousness within our biological human life form to be carried with us into the afterlife.

When we have created enough energy throughout many incarnations we then have a choice whether to return to life on Earth or continue the adventure of consciousness in the largest of venues – in the infinite.


Note 1:

In reality there is no space between objects that isn’t already connected via electromagnetic energy or by some other force to something else. The “space” within our arms for example is the space in atoms which can be perceived as a particle or wave depending how one perceives it.

 

Note 2:

Humanoid Consciousness expresses itself repeatedly through many lives in an effort to release the attachment to suffering and work to create energy. If the energy created is stored then its release happens upon death into a greater consciousness. If a person had stored a vast amount of light from the next to last or previous lives but had squandered energy in the most recent life – upon death they might have access to the deposits of light made in previous lifetimes. If that is the case they not only are able to cross over but may be released from “having to return” in another incarnation. Those that return by choice are often referred to as bodhisattvas.

Comments about Driving a Car, Being On-Time and Multitasking

action asia asian auto

I currently operate two businesses out of my home so my need for driving has been reduced to three to four days a week.

When I worked a 40 hour per week job about 20 miles from my house the commute time to work ranged from 45 to 50 minutes with moderate to heavy traffic on the way to work, and 20 to 30 minutes returning. I worked swing shift and a couple of graveyard shifts.

increased stress and anxiety

When I was working I practiced the art of being on-time, which is arriving 5 to 15 minutes early if possible. With the USA work ethic is a frantic obsessiveness to gain every advantage and never stop working. Such illusory notions as multitasking have been introduced to give us more time to do everything and this is: The Myth of Multitasking

multicolored abstract painting

Trying to compress more activities into a finite time can lead to maddening outcomes with increased stress and anxiety. Down-time can lead to creative leaps in our work when we appear to be doing nothing but day-dreaming perhaps.

The Peace System or cooperative automobile driving – works.

asphalt blur car city

When I was commuting to work 4 to 5 days a week using a car I purchased it gave good gas mileage. Now that I am working from home and ninety percent of my trips are short and local gas mileage has dropped (admittedly not very good planning – unforeseen health challenges forced me to retire earlier than I had intended). To work on the ecology of it I drive less. This means planning trips even short ones. I apply the same principles of arriving on time to driving to a destination like a friend’s house, the Post Office, market, or bank.

Driving is about intention followed by executing actions

Drivers, Roads, Traffic, Traffic-Lights, Freeways, Police are part of the largest Peace System in the world. Each of us gets a license to drive a car by which a certain set of rules are applicable. The Police are there as part of a safety-net to ensure that the rules are followed so the system runs as smoothly as possible. When we follow the rules, we can move from place to place safely. The Peace System or cooperative automobile driving – works.

I give myself enough time

Driving is about intention followed by executing actions. Intention/action moves can be carried out with a calm compassion, with thoughtlessness, with humor, with thanks, with rushed anger and entitlement (or wild abandonment) etc. I depart (most of the time) 10 to 15 minutes before an appointment so I can have a stress-free drive, use intention effectively and work on being patient especially with drivers who think they are control the only car on the road. If I am turning the car I try to use my turn signal at least 500 to 1,000 yards before the turn. This is about good communication (with intention).

Projecting an intention towards another driver allows me to be more aware of possible unpredictable actions they may take based on their distractability or in other words driving defensively. Also I find that keeping my speed within the limit allows me to minimize wait times at traffic stops even in heavy traffic to some degree.

person performing fire dance at night

Driving becomes pleasant when I give myself enough time to do it. When I give myself time to work and lie idle as long as I apply a modicum of awareness to what I am doing.

Thoughts?

 

Inner GPS

This piece is an updated version of a piece I wrote on May 9, 2019

silhouette of a man during sunset

Growing-up I found my thoughts were shaped by the experiences I had in the natural world. Or maybe it was the other way ’round. I am a spatial thinker with abilities to think logically and linguistically. In my early 30s I received some training in somatic thinking or body-kinesthetic thinking.

I have a friend that has difficulty visualizing, he says he can’t do it. He thinks in a logical-linguistical manner. Some of my clients have difficulty visualizing and utilize an emotive-linguistic and/or logical methods of thinking.

Road-Map Eyes

In the 1960s my family and I lived in a semi-rural area just outside of the suburban sprawl surrounded by thousands of acres of woods, fields, farms and watersheds. I spent all of my daylight hours in all the four seasons exploring the outside and stretching my imagination into the wilds.

It’s quite possible that visual / spacial thinkers have the best internal GPS and those without the ability are more prone to an external GPS. However experience has shown that one can be trained to expand one’s perception of visual-spacial environmental details.

In my twenties I lived in a cooperative house, almost commune-like in some ways. I arrived home from a long road-trip and one of my housemates said of me: “the man with the Road-Map Eyes”. I didn’t think much of it has the time except that I laughed.

background beautiful blossom calm waters

~

In April of 2008 a student invited me to come see the Dali Lama in a five-day celebration in Seattle. We attended a few seminars and a dialog between the Dali Lama and Dave Matthews before thousands of people.

We’re lost

My student drove me around in his BMW – we were taking a short-cut through a neighborhood where all the houses and streets looked the same. I hadn’t been paying close attention to where we were. I was idling gazing at the neighborhoods.

“We’re lost,” he said frustrated. I immediately looked at his GPS read-out.

“It’s not working,” he said irritated and embarrassed. “I guess we’re going to be late,” he said resigned to it all.

I sensed it

I shifted my position in the passenger’s seat and looked at the street.

“I think I can get you to where you want to go,” I said.

“Okay,” he was hesitant.

a matter of trust and surrender

I gave him a series of directions:

right, left, drive 300 yards to the end of this street, go left and take your first hard right.

From-Google-Earth
Google Earth screenshot of Seattle, Washington neighborhood streets

As soon as we were on the “main drag” I asked:

“Is this where you want to be?”

“Yeah. How did you do that?” He was flabbergasted.

“I don’t know. I’ve always had a good sense of direction. When I was in my 20s one of my housemates said I was ‘the Man with The Road-Map Eyes’.”

“But how did you know this is where I wanted to end up?”

“I don’t know. I sensed it, I guess.”

“Amazing.”

“Not really. I’ve been doing it all my life. It’s a matter of trust and surrender into something I think we all know.”

And it has to do with training the gift of visual-spacial thinking.

 

More reading:

Scientists Prove That Humans Can Sense Earth’s Magnetic Field

Ditch the GPS. It’s ruining your brain.

Road-Map Eyes

red and black abstract painting
Photo by Alex Montes on Pexels.com

 

In my twenties I lived in a cooperative house, almost commune-like in some ways. I arrived home from a long road-trip and one of my housemates said of me: “the man with the Road-Map Eyes”. I didn’t think much of it has the time except that I laughed.

~

In April of 2008 a student invited me to come see the Dali Lama in a five-day celebration in Seattle. We attended a few seminars and a dialog between the Dali Lama and Dave Matthews before thousands of people.

We’re lost

My student drove me around in his BMW – we were taking a short-cut through a neighborhood where all the houses and streets looked the same. I hadn’t been paying close attention to where we were. I was idling gazing at the neighborhoods.

“We’re lost,” he said frustrated. I immediately looked at his GPS read-out.

“It’s not working,” he said irritated and embarrassed. “I guess we’re going to be late,” he said resigned to it all.

Is this where you want to be?

I shifted my position in the passenger’s seat and looked at the street.

“I think I can get you to where you want to go,” I said.

“Okay,” he was hesitant.

a matter of trust and surrender

I gave him a series of directions:

right, left, drive 300 yards to the end of this street, go left and take your first hard right.

From-Google-Earth
Google Earth screenshot of Seattle, Washington neighborhood streets

As soon as we were on the “main drag” I asked:

“Is this where you want to be?”

“Yeah. How did you do that?” He was flabbergasted.

“I don’t know. I’ve always had a good sense of direction. When I was in my 20s one of my housemates said I was ‘the Man with The Road-Map Eyes’.”

“But how did you know this is where I wanted to end up?”

“I don’t know. I sensed it, I guess.”

“Amazing.”

“Not really. I’ve been doing it all my life. It’s a matter of trust and surrender into something I think we all know.”

 

I just read:

Scientists Prove That Humans Can Sense Earth’s Magnetic Field

acknowledging the sense that I have had and probably you too…

No fooling – The Best Career / Avocation Ever

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In the beginning…

Ever since I was very young I saw my mission to help relieve suffering in the world. I wanted to be a therapist and work to relieve suffering one person at a time. I studied Psychology in college and received a BA.

I began as a counselor.

In 1990 I received a calling, a mandate from God.

One night before retiring I asked God what I was supposed to do with my life. In the morning I had a waking experience that lead me to a woman that was thinking of killing herself. I listened with acceptance and did not offer advice. I was about to give her the names of therapists and groups to which she replied:

“The universe put you out there to hear my call and that’s all I needed.”

She chose to live and is alive today.

 

Further along…

As a counselor and later as a healer I have encountered peoples’ many personal realities. As a counselor in alternative mental health facilities for over 20 years I learned to listen deeply to others problems.

In the course of that work I began to let go of judgment.

When I felt their helpless I allowed myself to feel helpless with them without necessarily saying anything. Sometimes that appeared to have helped them.

Initiation…

All my life I have had bizarre experiences that have been “out-of-this-world”. I never spoke of them for fear of being condemned and shamed as “crazy” or “weird”.

landscape nature sky person
Gateway into Wonder

When I moved to California in 1982 I felt that the land and the mountains accepted me and that I had arrived home. The east-coast Connecticut Yankee critic in me was very harsh regarding the “foo-foo” impressions and thoughts running through my consciousness at that time. I continued to engage in inner “spiritual” work and observed this new consciousness within me.

In 1984 was a bizarre time for me. I saw light running like blood through trees. I had x-ray vision into my left arm where there was blood pumping there was light. A nearby plant extended its light over that very arm. I decided I was crazy – I closed my eyes and prayed for normalcy. When I opened my eyes, everything returned to normal. For more follow the link: Connection to Nature via the Heart

A couple of months later I moved a pool skimmer that was caught-up on a wave-gutter of a backyard in-ground swimming pool without touching it – for more follow the link: Gateway into the Light

I saw a white-light come from friend’s heart to my heart about 20 feet away. I felt love and the warmth of friendship.

Not normal experiences.

Sacred privilege…

As it has always been with my work as a crisis and half-way house counselor the information shared remains confidential so it is with the many clients I have seen in my healing practice.

loveflameEternity-copy2

Clients have come for a wide array of problems ranging from a concern over future events, physical / disease problems, opening to other worlds and many more. The intimacy I share with people is very sacred to me and I feel honored and blessed to be trusted so. I have found that there is something in me that always has transcended the Connecticut Yankee skeptic and critic inside to completely accept, honor and embrace a person’s reality with kindness and compassion. This has been a great blessing.

Each person brings the gift of their dilemma and with that a teaching for me. This completes a cycle of assisting them to solve a problem or problems while receiving a teaching. The cycle of giving and receiving is completed within each session that in-turn creates many blessings for me and the world at large.

Continually letting acceptance flow from me has taught me to embrace the shadow within, and to apply love and support to the parts of myself that I dislike and fear. The cycle of acceptance is a grace from a higher place where we all long to dwell.

When I complete a session, I feel vulnerable and in a trance of higher vibrational energies. The acceptance spills out imbued with love and compassion to include others throughout the world in a new kind of inclusiveness.

The feelings evoked are indescribably joyous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gateway into the Light – 1984

sky space dark galaxy

In the beginning I avoided the extraordinary experiences because of a respected teacher had said:

“Many psychic-type experiences will happen as you do ‘The Work’. Pay no attention to this and continue to do your inner work.” 

 spoken by Pierre Elliot Headmaster

of the Fifth Basic Course at Claymont School for Continuous Education

in August of 1981.

In 1981 I had started a house cleaning business incorporating my inner work or ‘The Work’ as within the tasks of cleaning in Connecticut.  Then I transferred the business to Stockton, California in 1982 and then to Sonoma, California in 1983.

On July 3rd of 1984 I was cleaning a summer residence. J’s household was around in the early afternoon and then would leave with the children and Grandpa to Costco in Santa Rosa. They left me alone to clean the house. The weather was odd on that summer day in Northern California, overcast, hot and humid.

I was finishing up in the back utility room by putting away supplies when I heard a commotion on the deck between the house and the garage. It was a dust devil or whirlwind. It had picked up the plastic chairs and tables about 12 to 15 feet in the air whirling around. I peered out of the window watching it when it suddenly stopped and all the furniture clattered back to the deck. I straightened it. I was tired and dirty from cleaning and I had wanted to go home when I heard an odd sound originating at their built-in swimming pool.

Pool-Skimmer

The pool skimmer was caught up on the wave gutter of the pool. Wave gutters are normally for Olympic sized pools and one does not see them in backyard swimming pools very often. This pool skimmer was sputtering, a garden hose attached to its under belly.

I stood there examining the situation and finally said aloud to no one:

“I don’t feel like bending over and lifting it off.”

I felt an impression of a voice in my head say:

“You don’t have to do it that way.”

“Oh yeah,” I said feeling like an idiot for talking to myself, “What other way is there?”

No answer. A feeling or a sense swept over me.

I bent my knees slightly. I clenched my fists and bent my right elbow so that my right fist was near to my right shoulder. My left fist and left arm were extended by my left side. Using tension in both arms I reversed the positions and the skimmer moved off the lip of the wave gutter out towards the center of the pool.

“Nah,” I said aloud. The impression of the voice said: “Well, bring it back.”

I reversed my arms and it came back onto the wave gutter.

I freaked out. I ran to my car and ripped out of there thinking I was crazy.

In the summer of 1984 I experienced many odd things. I saw auras around people at times. While running, my spirit soared into the sky. I saw how light connected our hearts together and how that connected to the light of trees and plants and connected everyone with every being.