Being with Trees / Finding My Soul

low angle photography of conifer trees
Photo by Ricardo Esquivel on Pexels.com

The Trees are my friends who speak in a language (not English, nor a human language) that is too slow for us fast moving humans to perceive. It’s more than likely that we have all had opportunities and may have felt the presence of trees.

reconnecting with the sacred inside us through a personal relationship with a tree

The Japanese practice of “forest bathing” an immersion in the woods or forest is a cleansing experience. Certainly, I have noticed the peace that the forest affords. I have experienced it in myself and observed the outward manifestation in others in the forest. [Amongst others there is a stream of conversation that goes on and on. The talk abrupt stops as they have detoxed enough and notice the trees and are quiet much like the quiet of  a church service.]

Upon entering the forest or woods I automatically dip into the stream of consciousness that many carry with us whether that comes in the form of an inner dialogue, music and/or visual images. For me it’s mostly visual images sometimes with dialogue or narration that is the streaming junk of my daily life. Then it stops.

Wow, there are Trees Here!

When it does stop I notice my surroundings. Peace emerges and pervades my being as I stand near a copse of trees on the path in the woods. Sometimes when I stop moving and the stream of conscious ceases I feel the presence of large boulders, tall trees, a stream or brook, maybe a small waterfall. I feel washed clean by the powers of nature.

feeling of being grounded and connected to Earth; our shared home.

There they are – these standing ones whether they be Douglas firs, pines, redwoods, the deciduous aspens, the Japanese maples, and some oaks. They stand and wait for a human to make contact. Once contact is made and we allow ourselves – mostly our minds to slow to the patient levels of the trees we can begin the feel the peace trees exude. As I slow further I may merge my spirit with the spirit that the tree surrounds its body and we share a space together. In that space there are many non-verbal answers and somatic emotional states.  One is a feeling of being grounded and connected to Earth; our shared home.

peace becomes evident and the love slows me down into a being state

As I continue to open my senses of touch, directionality, groundedness, sight and heart-centered emotion I feel embraced and accepted by my friend and friends – tree(s). Deeper – even before “the hug” there can be a singular song of a tree or a choir of song by a family of trees. The peace becomes evident and the love slows me down into a being state. I may temporarily slip out of ego into being and experience my place amongst the animals and trees in that local community of nature in which I have chosen to be a member. Ah such sweetness…

we can begin to become a co-equal member of a forest

I have made a bond with the Redwood species; and deciduous Sycamores and Maples both individually and as species. In these bonds I have asked the trees to hold spiritual or plasma energy for me. This is a technique for inner – spiritual work. Often, we receive an epiphany or a “high” when engaging in spiritual work there is an automatic tendency in us as humans to blow off the energy by “ego-talking” to others about our experiences. The use of accumulators becomes important in spiritual / inner work as a way to deposit some of our energy in a tree or group of trees. Later we can make a “withdrawal” on the “interest accrued” as long as we don’t withdraw all the energy we have “deposited” in the tree. It’s one way to stay silent about on-going inner work without blowing it off by talking with others about it. Another way to stay silent in addition to asking a tree to deposit or give energy to him/her/it is to make an agreement with oneself to pay attention to our breath instead of talking (and blowing off energy).

Its so easy to forget that trees are beings too

In asking a tree to participate in acting as an “accumulator” we can begin to become a co-equal member of a forest and /or woodland community. We become members of an ecological local community and remember our roots to help cultivate an intimate relationship with Earth on a local level. Its so easy to forget that trees are beings too and treat them as objects for use in a soulless society of use and waste that’s disconnected from the sacred.

Here is the beginning of reconnecting with the sacred inside us through a personal relationship with a tree or a community of trees in the context of a larger local community in which each member plays a part.

What a wondrous world to uncover and honor the sacred.

 

What if Peace Prevailed in the US Senate for example?

loveflameEternity

I am reminded of when I first cultivated a place for peace in my belly. Ridiculously enough it was when I danced with a vacuum cleaner in a house cleaning practice that grew as a front for spreading light and peace while removing chaos, disorganization and dirt.

I would ask myself:

“What is peace?” while doing aikido moves with a vacuum cleaner.

I won’t bore you with all the logical common-sense notions of peace that my recycled thoughts regurgitated into my overly crowded brain. Instead I will try to describe the feelings of peace that arose after my mind made-up the mundane answers for it. After all I was cultivating a place for peace in my belly, but what does this really mean?

I guess you could say that I was looking to find a personal meaning for peace without using words to describe it. And I was dancing with my vacuum cleaner which could be an obscure hint that my belly was merely a metaphorical place for the cultivation of peace. Before I completely lose you and go woo-woo, I was cultivating peace in my chi or 2nd chakra — the brain or center of the physical body or moving center.

Peace that doesn’t move stagnates and dies. I can’t tell you what feelings arose in me about peace in my belly / chi / brain of my physical body/ moving center because there were never any words to for these personal emotive sensations.

Years later a boss of mine said that peace is the positive flip-side of boredom. Imagine it. Imagine thousands of bored people, maybe slightly depressed who are nanoseconds away from the elation of peace. Like flipping a switch.

So, then, what is peace? But if one more person tells me that peace is the absence of war, well then, I might have to revert to sarcasm. Of course, it’s easier to describe war and conflict than it is to describe peace. War is a violent conflict where people use weapons to kill each other. Conflict is a disagreement. Peace arises from a kind of creative inactivity that is not observable from outward obvious phenomena.

Outward conflict may arise between two or more people that voice disagreement based on different perceptual stances. Conflict intensifies when the battle between “yes” and “no” is personalized, anger and rage become evident, rules may be broken, twisted, bent or narrowed to insist on an outcome favorable for an oppressor who currently holds more sway. In an intractable conflict between “yes” and “no” there is no middle ground — no peace.

This morning during a meditation while making a space within and feeling peace enter I thought of all those poor United States Senators in that impeachment trial in Washington DC. What if they had an opportunity to feel peaceful in that space of contentiousness? I decided to project myself to sit by one GOP Senator and emanate the peace that had been cultivated within me. I made an offering of peace to eight GOP Senators in total. Then I made an offer of the feelings of peace engendered in me to the entire body of Senators and others in the Senate chamber.

Could the spaciousness of peace provide relief in the midst of all that bipartisan contentiousness? When peace is allowed to enter into one’s consciousness, not by force but by choice, then options for resolution of conflict could more easily present themselves.

If you find it in your heart and feel peaceful please send your over-flowing peace consciousness as a gift to share with others in conflict. Will they accept the gift of peace and dwell in that peace a while? It’s a choice that I might make surrounded by Senators in conflict.

Unconditional peace — it feels like…

The Smudge of Grief

Smudgez

Having extricated myself from the river of grief (and now on a boat floating on it)* I’ve also noticed its smudge is everywhere. Having done a small bit of work on my relationship to grief I see it now as slightly separate from me. There are few people who are completely free of grief’s smudge, though through denial we like to think that we are. It’s only those who are working on being present that may have overcome grief’s longer-term effects.

In the hierarchical epoch of the patriarchy everyone is in a state of grief or loss

Many become fully immersed in the river of grief and never fully release it, but think that we have done so. It’s more likely that we live it’s smudge without knowing its stuck or smeared on us and we carry it with us everywhere. We’ve resigned ourselves to it, accepted it and cognitively reframed grief as a fact of life to assist in our survival.

In the hierarchical epoch of the patriarchy everyone is in a state of grief or loss throughout the life span. Only those who have achieved a modicum of mastery or a state of transcendental enlightenment may have overcome the savagery of grief’s toll.

Symptoms from the smudge of grief:

  • Longing for / romanticizing the old days and angry about current life in juxtaposition to the old days. Anger becomes a way of life possibly oscillating between grief (sadness), fear and anger. Attachment to the old romanticized “past” to the point of putting the brakes on politically and a desire to return to the promise of simpler times.
  • Giving up or trading in on simple happiness in the present for a perfectionist idealized past or future.
  • Addicted to a substance outside ourselves (not drugs or alcohol per se) that we believe will make us happy and feel secure (more money, better job, etc.). Existential addiction is about filling a hole inside us that has grief as one of its contributing emotions.
  • Rationalizing and compartmentalization of grief experiences. We often unconsciously model our expressions of grief based on our parents’ behaviors, attitudes and beliefs. The greater the intellectualization / fearfulness of “weaker” emotion states such as vulnerable emotion states – crying when sad, or frustrated then the more shame and constriction may become part of the grief process often truncating the process.
  • We often have expectations that the stages of grief happen “in-order” one time and “we’re done” with this.
  • I’ve seen many people in mid-life 40s to 60s (possibly younger) where grief is interrupted – a person shuts down their grief process and gives up on their inner world collapsing into their parents’ belief systems partially or whole-heartedly. It is at this time that they begin to romanticize their past and adopt old-world belief systems to cope with change.

For the people that allow for grief or any emotion such as love or joy to come and go they have loosened their attachment to past and present experiences and can face the fear of change in a less rigid fashion. However due to our ego we are all subject to attachments that grief and/or loss creates to one degree or another.

Loss is an intrinsic part of our lives.

Grief is closely allied with attachment. The very nature of being human is an identification to an idea, a person, a relationship – in short to the “stuff” of life. Attachment is the foundation of identity and memory is its tool. Attachment is at the root of unnecessary suffering. The greater the attachment to a person, wife/husband/partner, a child/son/daughter, a family, a community; a job, to an idea, to a belief and so on the more grief surrounds the loss. As humans we are all programmed to avoid feelings of loss to one degree or another based on our identity and beliefs.

Humans cannot bear loss.

Loss is an intrinsic part of our lives. Some loss we choose, such as quitting a job or relocating, this doesn’t seem so bad because we feel in control of the nature of the loss. Nevertheless, we still feel it. Deciding to move out of a relationship and although this is a loss we control it can break our heart. Other losses go deeper. The loss of a loved one through death is one that immediately comes to mind. When we experience early childhood trauma such as mental, physical, spiritual and/or sexual abuse by a parent or relatives perhaps this is the most pernicious grief of all. A parent with whom we feel love perpetuates an act of sexual abuse or worse. There is the love and there’s the violation, the confusion and the grief. This is loss and grief based on intimate attachments.

Loss and grief have become systemic in an increasingly divisive world of the hierarchical system of the patriarchy. In this kind of world there are winners and losers. The winners appear to be the super-rich and the powerful who sometimes even without knowing it oppress those without money and/or power. Many are driven to become winners through achievement and there is nothing wrong with this. It becomes insular and selfish when “others” who may be termed as losers through attributes of laziness, stupidity and are therefore cast out of the privileges of the winner-loser competition. Those deemed to be unworthy of playing the winner loser game are the invisible people, the poor, the people in prison, the homeless, women, minorities, immigrants, the list goes on; under the heel of racism, sexism, ageism, leftism for example. The class system in the USA has always been apparent to those left out. The struggling middle-classes bear the brunt of the heel of oppression by the rich by accepting less wage parity, while clinging to the myth of “work hard and you’ll succeed”. The winners are also losers because of attachment to and /or the addiction in this situation because of the need for more power, more money, more fame. There is never enough. Slavery to “more” makes the so-called winners, losers on an endless wheel of acquiring “more”.

our birthright is happiness and enlightenment

Humans cannot bear loss. Addiction is a prime example of how loss is unbearable. When therapies focus on what’s in the way of a healthy lifestyle in order to assist with healing an addiction this leads to an inevitable confrontation with loss. Looking at loss in this way is emotionally overwhelming. Healing the addictive process through a focus on obstacles fails. We can’t bear loss. This spans the gambit between addictive substances and relationships. In order to confront loss and the grief we feel from loss, we must replace the loss with something positive. When we focus on the positive replacement of the loss in present time then loss can be slowly ameliorated.

For example: I chose to breath cleaner air when I weaned my way off of smoking cigarettes. The clutching, grabbing neediness in me began to fade. It’s been 37 years since I chose to breathe cleaner air instead of inhaling smoke from cigarettes. That was easy compared to the heartbreaking work of releasing grief from the wounds of incest.

Underneath loss and grief is love. Love holds all other emotions. I also remember the words of Malidoma Somē – grief is the most common human emotion.

Attachment can only be released for a very short time.

Grief is the most common emotion because our lives appear to be about loss. As children of Western Civilization, we a trained to look outside ourselves for happiness. Even in the US The Declaration of Independence we are encouraged to push for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We don’t necessarily see that our birthright is happiness and enlightenment and that we are peeling away the illusion that prevent us from feeling it. We assume that feelings of fulfillment, peace and enlightenment are “over there” to pursue.

Corporal life is temporary, life of spirit transcends death. There is small love and big love, neither of which can be compared with the other. Small love may feel big when we have a partner with whom we are bonded and they pass away, cheat, or betray us and/or themselves. Big love will always hold a connection with one that has passed that seemingly impenetrable boundary of death. The longing may be excruciating and unbearable, staying present and reaching out to friends and professionals for help is one step in staying present. It’s not the only path.

Emotional maturity (EM) can be characterized as being able to hold contradictory emotions in awareness without a strong attachment to either emotional state and feel okay or neutral about our self. Cultivating a witness self leads to emotional maturity through suspending judgement and observing ourselves and our behaviors.

 

Attachment can only be released for a very short time. When we think or say “I” ego returns to claim an experience that the witness has observed.  That is not a bad thing it is only the way of attachment. The witness may observe our being feeling grief and joy simultaneously. This is a paradox to be sure.

 

*see previous article –

in a river of grief, then on a boat

 

 

 

 

in a river of grief, then on a boat

woman wearing dress and brown hat sitting on boat

In my late 30s I experienced an epiphany. I transformed my life because I surrendered into it. There was a lot of work before that preceded that opening. Up to that point my life was analogous to the life of a flower. A sprout pushed its way up through the soil, stems and leaves unfurled and buds formed straining to open. When the bud burst open resounding at long last to the light a transformation occurred filled with joy and the relief of surrender into a greater multiverse.

This epiphany allowed a choice point: continue to follow the whims of ego, in other words pursue the momentary desires, interests, likes or dislikes or accept destiny. I chose to surrender into the undiscovered country of a strange inter and multi-dimensional universe of great depth and wonder; into the rarely glimpsed book of destiny. It required patience. It required a path to healing of my core being.

The next step in this journey was the “accidental” uncovering of horrendous wounds of early childhood. There was an intense obsessional compulsion to know everything that had happened back then. The world of PTSD, flashbacks, body memories, blackouts, freeze-frames of trauma intruding into what I ordinarily expected as my contiguous life that did not (does not) have the same connectedness of ordinary memories because love was shattered. Diving deeply into it with the tools of spiritual practices, therapeutic techniques of hypnotherapy, EMDR, emotional release and reintegration as well as “traveling” into the past utilizing shamanic practices only works to a degree before traumatization reoccurs. My desire to know everything about the trauma in the way I’ve remembered my ordinary life never happened. I felt disappointed and I was also relieved once I accepted the different paths within myself.

My friends didn’t want to hear about my traumatic past and began to shun me so I contained the bleeding and confined my explorations with my therapist for a time. Other healers and seers saw clearly into my woundedness but I did not see as clearly as they were experiencing me. I had reached a plateau and I decided to shelve the wounded experiences and only focus on what was presented in the moment and not dig for stuff.

I had remained clean and sober from pot for 19 years (1985 to 2004) when I slipped with my much younger partner. The only insight that I was afforded was that in 1985 and the times before pot served to fragment my already fragmented self. In 2004 I saw that the fragmented parts of myself and though still fragmented were held together cohesively by me congealed with my attention and care.

From 1991 when the first memories of trauma began revealing themselves to 2001 I worked intensely on myself and then reached a plateau (’01 was the year my therapist retired).

Earlier this year there was a shift in my physical body and I began to open myself for a change. The universe provided an opportunity presented to me from my spiritual soul partner, colleague and mentor. When she presented me with the opportunity I had been waiting for it took only moments to accept.

She offered a homeopathic formula to help bring buried and stuck grief to the surface for processing. It has been a difficult and immensely rewarding process so far. Of the people I have shared some of this process with have misunderstood the position I take within the flow of emotions.

Maladoma Somē (see end notes) reported that grief is the most common emotion that all humans share. Grief is the process when it is not resisted or prematurely stopped via cognitive processes of compartmentalization and the subsequent emotions of judgement, self-criticism or condemnation on the one hand and stoic determination, anger and rational suppression or repression of grief into a lifestyle of condemning the self and / or others on the other can be released to then convey what is underneath.

When I began taking the formula it was in the evening when I first began — result: I slept for three hours and was awake working on a path to exposing the grief as the emotional connective tissue to the wounds. Release the grief and the horrendous memories shift and become multifaceted revealing the blessings while releasing my attachment to the intensities of the horror.

There was something blocking the work, something in the back of my neck on my left side that was the part of blockage or resistance. Something I could not see clearly enough to find and remove. I called out for help. Help arrived in the person that I once was in my most previous past life: a Polish Jew working for The Resistance and constantly hiding from the Nazis. He was trained as an engraver and was employed by the Polish Mint. He pulled something out of my neck which was simultaneously released from his neck in the same area. It went back to source where it disintegrated into ash.

The next morning, I was looking at a friend’s Facebook post when all my chakras opened and a profound compassion, love and understanding poured out of me to him (not that he necessarily needed it). I was surprised that this open feeling of compassion continued to branch out to many more who may have needed it to feel included since compassion is an emotion of inclusion. (The funny thing is that the content of his post was not of a personal nature at least on the surface and remembering the content was not important.)

Though some of the subsequent work of releasing grief has been filled with anguish and intense physical pain — such as a lava-like substance that was hot and filled with the bile of anger and hatred flowed out of the joints of my left hand and fingers. So far, the arthritic pain that has felt trapped in my body has decreased by as much as fifty percent.

These pockets of grief within me are spread like butter over toast throughout my body, persona and into the depths of me. The emotion is not me as it once was when I had first uncovered the trauma. I am above the feelings of grief and not immersed in them as I once was in the beginning.

I debated about putting this account due to its highly personal nature. I meditated on what to do and have decided to enter it here. In the midst of the on-going grieving process I discovered that part of my mother’s being was trapped in my body. It was only when I freed her did I realize that part of her had merged with me when I was a baby.

The “Ah-ha” moment arrived.

My mother was a difficult parent to live around. My sister concurred that she had been very critical towards both of us; very true. She was never happy with either of us.

My mom had poor boundaries with me and later as an adult I chose to establish and maintain better boundaries with her. She would burst into my bedroom door without ever knocking. She did what she called: “snooping” in my closet rifling through my stuff. I asked my dad if I could have a lock on my door. Before I could tell him why he said “no,” and walked away. In order to have privacy I took long 4-hour baths locked in one of our two bathrooms on a Saturday night. I took to burying time capsules in the backyard where I knew she would never look to have private secret things — for my eyes only. She wanted me to take French in High School so I could speak romantic French phrases to her. I failed French in my passive-aggressive style so I wouldn’t have to do it. And the list of behaviors bordering on the inappropriate and at times crossing the line went on.

My mother passed in March of 2015 from dementia. I had very little contact with her after the death of her body. My father had contacted me many times after his death.

In a session that lasted half the night I was able to extricate my mom’s spirit from my body and keep her from coming back in. She greeted me five or six times after I had freed her in her child-like manner and appeared to have said thank-you without actually coming out and saying it.

It was a relief to reclaim my body as my own and to begin to have a relationship with my mother as an individual to an individual, which continues to evolve.

I am not the grief and conversely, I am not the joy. I sometimes feel grief and I sometimes feel joy as well as all the emotions of the rainbow and the darker shadow.


Malidoma Somē author Of Water and Spirit. The author came to our community to speak about his book, drum at our community center. At one point he looked out at all of us and said:

“I see that many of you you have been initiated many times

but because there was no community to support and accept your initiation

you returned to you life as you now know it.”

_________________________________________________________________________________

More on Grief:

The Smudge of Grief

releasing chronic anger and underlying grief

abstract beads blur bright
a web of connection

Anger serves a purpose as a defense against immediate threats in present time. The emotion is often produced in conjunction with fear. Fear is experienced and is often followed directly by an acting-out anger response. Boys and men are more accustomed to this way of behaving because it is condoned and often encouraged by the fabric of society – namely patriarchal norms.

The way many children were raised in the 1950s and early sixties by fathers’ who had returned from WWII with undiagnosed PTSD was through a reign of terror often accompanied by addictive problems to alcohol, drugs and anger/rage. The children of those parents were subjected to constant anger and as adults have often adopted maladaptive patterns of chronic anger.

man couple people woman

When terror is unleashed on a woman or on children repeatedly over long periods of time – fear, anger and depression may be the result. In addition to an emotional stance in the world many of these women and children many somaticize some or all of these emotions. The emotions become tensions in the musculature and skeletal structure of the body and are sequestered from the conscious mind.

The nature of most humans is to avoid discomfort whether it manifests as physical, emotional, mental and/or spiritual pain. In so-called developing and developed nations an immediate response to pain is to take a pill for it. “Make it go away.” “Fix me.” “Stop this now!” “I can’t stand this any longer” are some of the responses to physical and emotional pain or discomfort. Pill popping, alcohol consumption, marijuana smoking, crack/cocaine use, and any kind of addictive process is an effort to escape the effects of immediate pain. I am not advocating the non-use of responsible herbal or pharmacological methods of reducing or managing extremes of pain I am only pointing out a pattern to behavior regarding pain.

Some cultures especially indigenous peoples treat pain in a different manner than in the “Western Post-Modern” cultures. Explorations into pain can sometimes produce a release of it that can be freeing as well as act as a release from immediate pain.

I followed the role-model of my father’s rageful behavior while being terrorized by it simultaneously. I vented rage at my sisters’ cats by chasing them under the couch and hissing at them; I felt so angry. It was the only safe place I could vent the rage I felt. For many years I clenched my jaw because “I felt determined” as other people were to reach their goals. I incorrectly assumed that because other people had their mouths closed that they were clenching their jaws too, and were also determined. It wasn’t until the mid 1980s that I realized that these were incorrect assumptions and that I felt extremely angry all the time.

Like any addict the rage would go underground until it erupted into a tantrum usually against a significant love relationship with whoever I was with at the time. I began to work with these feelings and worked to let them go as they arose. As I worked traumas from my childhood were revealed to me. I worked through these too as best I could until I reached a plateau.

Recently I have come to see that triggered anger/rage that arises both from awareness of injustices and from chronic anger has served to keep me isolated from others. As a child I was extremely isolated. And now I have been isolated (and stuck) in part by choice. However I have started to work with the chronic anger anchored in my body in order to uncover and release the profound grief of past traumas.

I have been preparing for this voyage into the release where I have kept myself separate from others and as a result have been stuck in a place of miserable safety.

Part of the preparation for this deep grief release work was a letting go of a reflexive need to comment on every post where my friends were venting their anger and frustrations on our so-called “president”. I didn’t want to participate in my addictive anger /rage venting that felt fruitless to make any real changes. The eliciting of the anger/frustration/rage and grief due to the actions of the president felt like I was allowing myself to be:

  • Pulled down to his level of nastiness
  • Giving him attention on an emotional level that feels like time not well spent (even though he is not witness to my outrage).
  • Feeding my addictive behaviors including a need to be right at the expense of making others wrong
  • Isolating myself from those that – mildly disagree with me to the extreme of people who vehemently disagree and maybe even hate me.
  • Isolating myself from feelings that bridge a gap between peoples
  • Stuck in a familiar cycle of known misery.

 

black and white picture of a crying child

Choosing not to participate in “president” bashing is one way to look for more effect means of protest and there are many ways in the nuts and bolts world of emails to representatives, supporting candidate campaigns and so on… I try to funnel my outrage into useful means of action, and I am human I sometimes succumb to bashing and raging.

everything is connected neon light signage

On Saturday evening November 16, 2019 while working on releasing anger and grief something happened. I welcomed the memory of a physically healthy emotionally fractured seven-year-old me back into my body where I could protect him and he could help me heal metaphorically. There was much tenderness love and connectedness in the healing metaphor. I felt my body open spontaneously and released compassion towards a friend on social media and then go beyond towards others in pain and suffering. Love was breathed in and out.

I didn’t know whether my friend received the compassion but to release it felt good to me and hopefully good for him.  And hope it was good for all the others it may have reached. The connection was strong and solid. The act of connecting on many levels was wondrous and highly recommended.

 

Success — what is it beyond patriarchal values?

timelapse photo of trees with background of star
Cycles of Light the Mysteries of Success

In the 1994 one of my clients – a multi-millionaire invited me to a Success Group.  I had a part-time business, though technically what I do is not a business but a service.

My services were starting to become attractive to people; I was becoming known. starting to become known. But at the time I was marking my success as the amount of money I was making. It wasn’t that much in the beginning.

I didn’t feel successful, so what was I doing in a success group?

The other people in the group seemed more successful than me so I continued to wonder why I was there. It wasn’t until my client relayed to me that he observed me as a “man with a purpose” that I realized success wasn’t about the money.

The purpose came on February 6, 1990 when I was called to ask a question: God, what am I supposed to do with my life?” I did not know why I asked the question. In retrospect I can see that I was stable enough on the path of my inner work so I was ready to take a next step. I thought that I might have a dream about my purpose.

There had been no dream upon awakening. I felt groggy and not ready to leave my bed.

A being entered through my groin and curled up into a ball in my stomach. Then a full name came to me.  It was the name of a woman whom I had met about a month earlier that I had instantly disliked. She was a prominent woman in the community so I thought she would have an unlisted and/or unpublished telephone number.

I went to the phone book thinking I would be let off the hook and not be able to call her.  But I found her phone number. I dialed the number. She answered and I identified myself.

I know what I’m about to say sounds crazy, but…” 

I relayed the experience that had just happened.

She said: “I’ve been curled up in the fetal position and I have been thinking about killing myself.”

At that point I made her promise that she would not harm herself in any way until we could meet two days later and work on something life affirming – or something like that.

We met, she told me what had happened to her over the holidays. I had gathered the names of therapists and groups in town from my friends at work (the crisis resident treatment house) as resources for her. I spent four hours at her home listening and responding.

At the end of my stay I handed her the resource list and she said after declining the resources: The universe put you out there to hear my call.  That’s what I needed to start going again.”

 We became friends and colleagues.

I began a healing practice.

Making money is a side effect of what I do and not the main goal of the service. I would venture to write: I live modestly, rent my home and having been raised as a Connecticut Yankee I have learned to live frugally.

I was learning to unplug from patriarchal practices and capitalism into a new kind of living and work. It was (is) work that sustains me and works in part through the principles of quantum entanglement. The problems are challenging and the work for me is as easy as breathing. I feel so blessed to be able to blend heart knowing with body knowing and with mind knowing as a single force for healing.

Success is not about money, though it’s good to receive money for the services I provide. Success has come through my purpose of assisting people to heal and to relieve suffering. Being aligned with this practice of healing completes me and reveals to me a future without money — in a truly new world of cooperation where fear and greed have been overcome. This is success.

 

is the future in the past and the past in the future?

person performing fire dance at night

As a result of vague memories filtering through my physical body I have been remembering a higher vibration in a far distant past beyond recorded history and perhaps a remembering of a future time as well.

Sounds crazy right?

Body memories are often associated with a traumatic past, but sensory memories can be wonderfully positive as well. For a period of about a month my body has been remembering a higher vibrational culture. The first clue of this kind of culture or the entire world first appeared in the early 1970s when I began to have emotional and visual experiences of a future vastly different anything. It was deceptively simple:

I saw a woman walking down a dark street in a large metropolitan area around 2 am in the morning in the summer time without fear, totally at peace and feeling fancy free.

This meant and I’m extrapolating:

  • Women and Men had become equals. Men wouldn’t think of dominating a woman in private or public or committing any acts of violence including rape against women.
  • White men – formerly the privileged patriarchy, were integrated with all peoples of color and ethnic diversity where power-over was no longer practiced. Only the power of presence was celebrated, love and compassion for others was held high.
  • Its quite possible that money no longer existed. Trades happened and all trades were accessed at equal value.
  • Children were honored for their innocence and play. The Elderly were respected for their wisdom, compassion and play. Nature and Earth were honored and revered.
  • Crime was nearly non-existence. Prisons no longer existed, rehabilitation was embraced and celebrated. Police had no need to carry weapons.
  • People took responsibility for their behavior and thinking.
  • Feelings of greed, envy, possessiveness and rage though still present came to be seen as addictive feelings brought about through fear and frenzied states. When we remind ourselves of the love we can access from everywhere and through trees, nature, and personal attributes of loving kindness from others and ourselves those addictive feelings are released.

asphalt blur car city

There are days when the fate of earth seems hopeless – not for earth herself, but for people – human beings on Earth. Part of me wants to go to the future and manifest it in the present. How I do this? With that in my I have been asking Spirit for visions and dreams leading the way. Although this process has just begun I can share with you an exciting beginning:

In the dreamtime I stood and with right arm straightened, palm down, arm stretched left and downwards. I swing it up, colored lights and a rainbow streamer flow out of my right arm as I swing it upward. At midday or 12 o’clock golden yellow light streams out.

A circle of light holds a rarefied space – once common many thousands of years ago. I step forward and the future rushes into the present as the past rushes “forward” to greet it in the present.

I laugh feeling giddy with joy and anticipation.

I wake and realize more work needs to be done on the portal… (more to come)

 

larger cycles of time

The Yugas in Hindu history are cycles of time of 4 million 320 thousand years of four cycles in a descending and ascending parts. New evidence suggests that there was mathematical error that if corrected show humans on the cusp of the Ascending Dvapara Yuga. The numbered sequence below displays the Descending Yugas:

 

  1. Satya Yuga – almost 2 million years long sits at the apex of the Yuga cycles and consists of an ascending and descending Yuga back to back. Average human lives span was 100,000 years. This was / will be a paradise on Earth;
  2. Treta Yuga – was / will be nearly 1 million three hundred thousand years long. Average lifespan was: 10,000 years, Wars appear with kings, divisions of labor occur and oceans and deserts form.
  3. Dvapara Yuga – was / is nearly 1 million years, lifespan 1,000 years. Disease, discontent and fighting become widespread.
  4. Kali Yuga – was / will be a little over 400,000 years, lifespan 100 years. People fall prey to ignorance, darkness and depravity. The environment is polluted, water and food are scarce.

 

For more see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuga

 

More recent research shows humans at the cusp of the Ascending Kali Yuga and the beginning of the Dvapara Yuga:

Yuga2b

 

**

manifesting a good future in the present

In the 90s I was in a relationship with a woman who was always telling me the temperature on very hot days after I had asked her not to tell me. If I didn’t know the temp it wouldn’t seem as hot. In those days of my late 30s early 40s I loved walking across the street during the hottest part of the day – with temps over 100 degrees – feeling the heat in my mouth, nostrils and how it slammed me into my body.

Now as I approach age 70 the heat has a withering effect on me. No longer can I tolerate 100-degree weather. I become stupid – my reasoning ability is diminished.

I was thinking about the weather as I watched the temperature sensor in my car rise up from 85 to 90 degrees in a matter of 30 minutes. However, I was in the bubble of air conditioning and feeling the future through vague body memories about the significance of “the weather”.

Now the weather is an event we talk about. How hot is it? How cold is it? And there may be an air of competition about the temperature.

In the future we are so integrated with one another and the planet weather no longer matters in the way it does now. Sensing local weather for weeks and seasons in advance will seem natural to us. Who could need a forecaster when we all know what is happening weather wise.

 

 

 

 

 

Some problems with consciousness, humans and the human brain

timelapse photo of trees with background of star

Inevitable Reductionistic Thinking    Trying to explain consciousness from a neurobiological and / or a quantum physics frame is one of reductionistic directionality. Each discipline looks to the brain as the origin of consciousness. A human perspective quite naturally seeks to reduce in order to explain and this is natural from the ego perspective of control. Ego is the center of consciousness just as it was once thought that Earth was the center of the solar system – all planets and the sun revolved around Earth.

Consciousness is everywhere and permeates everything and the spaces between everything [see end note 1]. And therein lies the rub. Consciousness is space-time. It’s impossible to grasp from an ego or ordinary level of consciousness. This concept of consciousness is bigger than any concept. Even if consciousness was only a finite substance it would be impossible to jam it into something as small as a human brain.

Human Life as a Transceiver  The human brain is a transceiver of consciousness in the current form of recycled thinking and memories that make a core attachment to a self in one lifetime. Short-term memory and habits built from long-term memory create attachment built on illusion of time and ego/self and are thought to be “real”.

night computer hard drive hdd
We can’t help to pictorially reduce “a picture” of memory from a storage device,  but shared memory in the larger neural net is infinite.

When people die and leave their bodies they become a part of a larger consciousness but often do not directly perceive the larger consciousness due to their attachment to their most recent incarnate self. They live and function within this higher consciousness state that exists outside of time and space and yet has a relationship to time and space through the process of reincarnation. It’s very difficult for us as humans to perceive a level of functioning without time or space. Corporeal existence is predicated on the boundaries of space-time in a finite reality at least with immediate perceptions.

round grey framed black lens sunglasses on yellow petaled flower plants

Evidence of evolving consciousness in the finite world may be impossible to measure, but it may be known in the consciousness state after death. In space-time we eat food to survive and maintain our bodies through digesting food and making energy. Where is the consciousness that is aware of the energy-making process from the digestion of food? It doesn’t ordinarily exist. The analogy here is the same as the absorption of energy into the state of “life-after-death”.

  • Conscious suffering (without attachment) creates energy
  • With work energy may be stored for a continued creation of energy
  • The energy is light.
  • Upon death energy or light is absorbed into the consciousness
  • Consciousness evolves

Almost 100 percent of suffering is unconscious and is wasted. Attachment to suffering whether noble or ignoble (positive or negative) is nearly inconsequential with regard to making energy. Some individuals through fear and/or anger use up the energy needed to “cross” to “the other side” and so remain here as ghosts. Much of the love – light – energy created can be cancelled out by negative emotions preventing passage, but if enough light-energy remains a passage may occur to “the other side” [see end note 2]. Releasing attachment to suffering doesn’t mean that the suffering will not cause pain, anguish and grief to name a few. Also, there is no automatic release of energy from a release of attachment that floats into higher consciousness. If attachment is released and the ego gets hold of the sensation then talk about it inevitably follows (a different sort of attachment) and the energy is wasted.

Humans, Memory, Consciousness and Attachment   Attachment is the block to enlightenment and is needed for enlightenment.

Attachment to thoughts and feelings that compose the consciousness of the core self may be the definition of the human self in corporeal form. Memory plays a key role in assisting and reinforcing attachment to a core self and / or ego. Formation of memories and our attachment to them give our identity a place in space-time. Memory is the foundation of linear time as our existence. Without attachment and memory there would be no sense of self and no time, at least as we currently define it. Attachment may not exist without memory, and consciousness is also bound by memory in our corporeal state.

bureau bureautique trombones secretariat

Incarnation from one life to another is often an interruption of memory of a previous life or lives and those memories that immediately preceded birth. During the “life after death” process it could be that the attachment to the previous life is released enough so that an individual consciousness can separate from the whole and be reborn. It could be that no identity or a sketchy identity exists so that when conception occurs life before is either forgotten or obliterated. Or it could be that there may be conception trauma: a formless consciousness is suddenly attached to a fertilized egg and the resulting trauma severs the connection to all that happened before and to the larger formless consciousness.

Forgetting could serve a purpose of creating a new self not entirely based on old attachments and allowing an opportunity for energy to be created for higher consciousness.

The separation from a possible oneness sensation in higher consciousness in order to return to it after death allows spaces for energy to be formed and stored to be “eaten” by higher consciousness.

Humans are currently attached to the idea that we are humans and therefore the importance in being a human. Higher Consciousness allows humans to be created repeatedly through reincarnation with a hope that an awareness will grow into a force of consciousness while in human form to feed the higher and perhaps achieve enlightenment.

The nature of being human is to be attached. This is neither bad nor good. When we begin to become aware of our attachment and work on releasing it in the moment, knowing it will come back to us when we think or know ourselves – our ego – when we think or say: “I”, “me” “mine”. When repeated actions to release attachment occur through our work a greater awareness becomes available and eventually states of, or a continuum of enlightenment may manifest.

As humans in the current vibrational cycle on the low side in the chaos pattern of transformation the common belief is that we are all separate. The world right now is straining and breaking the concept of separateness so clues of unity are emerging and becoming evident. The reactions vary between optimism of the unknown and pessimism of the unknown thus the schisms in early 21st century culture and increases in separateness. Pessimism, unexamined or repressed/rationalized grief and disillusionment bring many fearful peoples cling to the illusion of separateness an every person for themselves ideology. While that is true from a limited finite mindset, the ideas of quantum mechanics are emerging from the background. One tenet of the quantum world is that consciousness creates the world around us and that matter and energy are connected. Knowing that we are not separate many save us from the existential world threat – or the extinction of the human and many other species.

adventure climb clouds cloudy

Examining memory related illnesses can reveal how consciousness, memory and time are connected. Dementia and Alzheimer’s are clear examples of how persons with this disease lose their sense of self and time through savage memory losses. Dementia appears to be less savage than Alzheimer’s because a sense of self is maintained over a longer period in a variety of age regressive memories or sub-personalities. Alzheimer’s seems more aggressive because it destroys the memory of self much more quickly than dementia.

I had an opportunity to have lunch with a family where an elder male was in the middle to late stages of Alzheimer’s. At the time it didn’t feel like an opportunity but a battle for survival: mine. His personality was confused and frantic partially because there was no place in his body while in a crowded restaurant to find home. He repeatedly attacked my body’s perimeter. I had to coax him back into his own body. When we finally left the restaurant, he returned to near his own body and was lightly tethered there like a horse outside a saloon in an old western tv show. The attack was persistent, wild, chaotic, confused and desperate but not personal. I was firm in protecting my space and not letting him in and insistent on him going back to his body with some healing to help him stay.

The opportunity came after the incident in as much as there is an electromagnetic field that supports our neural net outside the brain. It is social and identifies with the safety of friends and family. His neural net was looking for home. He could not find it in his own family because they were emotionally chaotic within themselves due to his disease in the midst the chaos of the general business of the restaurant. He found it (home) in my calm demeanor as a healer and shaman.

 

Some end notes

Consciousness is everywhere.

Our brains and the perceptual facilities our brains, egos, memory and space-time affords us are the synaptic hubs where consciousness is processed through a biological human self.

blue and red galaxy artwork

From a larger perspective we sample each life from a large and formless consciousness that is infinite and feeds the individual in a finite context. This limited context is life as we ordinarily know it. When we can release our attachments to suffering and allow the friction of approach-avoidance conflicts inherent in all suffering to be released energy can be created and stored. It can be stored for the honing of consciousness within our biological human life form to be carried with us into the afterlife.

When we have created enough energy throughout many incarnations we then have a choice whether to return to life on Earth or continue the adventure of consciousness in the largest of venues – in the infinite.


Note 1:

In reality there is no space between objects that isn’t already connected via electromagnetic energy or by some other force to something else. The “space” within our arms for example is the space in atoms which can be perceived as a particle or wave depending how one perceives it.

 

Note 2:

Humanoid Consciousness expresses itself repeatedly through many lives in an effort to release the attachment to suffering and work to create energy. If the energy created is stored then its release happens upon death into a greater consciousness. If a person had stored a vast amount of light from the next to last or previous lives but had squandered energy in the most recent life – upon death they might have access to the deposits of light made in previous lifetimes. If that is the case they not only are able to cross over but may be released from “having to return” in another incarnation. Those that return by choice are often referred to as bodhisattvas.

Pondering the Social Media Trump Assault and an Alternative Part One

wethepeople

How It Is

Trump and the Trumpublicans (Trumpublicans are Republicans who have sworn their allegiance to Trump, surrendered critical thinking or are too fearful of criticism from Trump to oppose his Me-Only agenda whims) are engaged in a Libertarian Anarchistic Assault on:

  • Public health (Let’s go back to the way it was before the Affordable Care Act)
  • Sacred Earth / Environment (let’s roll back all EPA standards to promote Oil and Coal at the expense of the environment and public health concerns)
  • A Foreign Policy (there is no policy)
  • Congress (acting dictatorial without advice and consent from Congress)
  • Allegedly conspiring with Russia to disrupt/win elections (obstruction of justice; see Mueller Report)
  • Appoint Cabinet Members from “the swamp” of the corporate world creating conflicts of interest and fomenting greed etc., etc.
  • Emoluments (making money mandated by the office of the President) (an impeachable offence by the way)
  • Justice regarding Neo-Nazi, Immigrants, and LBGQ population (Trump is a White National Heterosexual Racist / Bigot)

And the list goes on. Trump reports that his policies are based on his “gut” intuition, giving him license to do whatever he pleases and change his mind often – clearly the actions of a dictator. My Facebook page is saturated with posts of our outrage against the Dictator aka Trump.

This is emotionally overwhelming mainly due to the injustice of it all.

No2Tryanny

Enter the many Democratic Challengers. Here are the top candidates:

  • Elizabeth Warren has a clear and pragmatic agenda with specific bills to address a progressive agenda. (Not much on foreign policy – but maybe I’m not well informed.)
  • Bernie Sanders has a clear progressive agenda. (Not much on foreign policy – but maybe I’m not well informed.)
  • Joe Biden – a centrist with an agenda to defeat Trump and a bumpy national agenda with moderate goals
  • Pete Buttigieg – an appealing intellectual centrist with an evolving agenda

As you may have guessed I favor a progressive agenda.

 

An Alternative: A Progressive Agenda

Intro

I was twelve when President Kennedy was assassinated and LJB became president. I never appreciated President Johnson’s work on Civil Rights, Voting Rights Act, Immigration reform, Federal funding for education, healthcare reform, in short, The Great Society which also included Gun Control, a clean environment, urban renewal, lowering poverty and so on… I never appreciated Johnson’s domestic agenda in-part due to my father’s conservative Republican harangue and Johnson’s escalation of the Vietnam War.

When Nixon was elected I became a peaceful anti-war activist.

When it became clear that Nixon broke the law and resigned from office I like a great number of others became disillusioned with the United States Government especially under Reagan, Clinton, George W. Bush, and Obama.

 

The Progressive Part

Looking back to President Kennedy and President Johnson’s domestic agendas they did much to start and continue the social programs of FDR helping to shape an emerging capitalistic economy for a rising middle-class, programs to assist with reducing racism – addressing poverty and with addressing environmental concerns.

It was a beginning that was stalled under Nixon and reversed under Reagan. Through Reagan’s deregulation agenda – the News Media was freed from being a public service to pursue profitable news – one reason why Conservative / Right leaning opinion is sold as News under Fox. Reagan’s tax cuts helped create a millionaire class while the middle-class began languishing further.

The ideas of Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren are middle-class people-oriented values and needs of the American public. Ever since Clinton abandoned many of the Democrat values by selling-out to Big-Money in his second term the Centrists took control of the party that no longer represents the people.

What’s needed is a vision of what Progressive America will look like once it gets going. How will it feel, what values will it return – how will it unite all Americans and not just the elite or the Big Moneyed interests.

This is a preface to the Progress vision coming in part two.

 

July 20, 1969 – I remember…

I was with my family in front of a TV at my aunt and uncle’s house in Guilford, Connecticut. It was the evening/night of Sunday, July 20, 1969 – a little less than a month and a half from my 18th birthday. And a month or so from my High School Graduation. Together we watched the Apollo 11 Commander Neil Armstrong step onto the Moon.

Hearing the words of JFK calling us

“my fellow citizens”

space research science astronaut
July 20, 1969 – Apollo Moon Landing, American Men on the Moon

I watched the documentary Apollo 11 and the feelings that struck me were the unity of us as American People. We achieved something as a nation through Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins along with all of NASA that allowed us a feat in modern exploration. The shots of the people that watched the launch, hearing Walter Cronkite, anchor of CBS News brought back a feeling of solidarity.

It was the solidarity that ended the war in Vietnam, the solidarity that ignited the Civil Rights Movement, that supported Unions and hope and made us all feel that anything was possible.

Hearing the words of JFK calling us “my fellow citizens” in his 1962 speech about putting men on the moon and returning them safely reminded me that we are not cogs in a predatory capitalist machine but a part of a greater community striving for democracy. The Merriam-Webster dictionary lists citizen as:  “an inhabitant of a city or town; especially : one entitled to the rights and privileges of a freeman” I would add “free person” to include everybody beyond just men.

Seeing the films of the ticker-tape parades for Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins and the pride and love of the people for the astronauts and how we supported them as a people and a nation. I felt once again that we were the United States of America.

Let’s begin to engender those feelings of unity again.

This is my vision.

blue and white planet display
Spaceship Earth – Home – Stop Climate Change

This is my wish.