Being Is

EssenceFlameEternal

 

Being work is difficult to describe because words are separate representations of reality in action or ego related finite mindsets.

Recently I had a powerful encounter with a woman that I had gone to HS with whose FB friendship ended.

My guides advised me to “Go Wide”- meaning go wide as possible to include all beings. With momentary releases of ego in minute fractions of nanoseconds _ was – is shared being with Planet Earth offering love, freedom, peace and consciousness. From ego I have no idea from my little self whether the feelings of Love and Freedom were accepted as offered.

Questions arose from what ego thought of as the creator (God?).

Questions from the Being of Creation arose with: How does Being act or move?

Answer: Being does not act or move. Being is urged into being.

Question: What urges Being?

A: Creation urges Being.

Q: What is Creation? Or, where is Creation?

A: Creation is in the Being of Everything and is everywhere even in anti-matter and dark matter. Creation is the urge that creates Being. Being includes without taking action.

After having experienced a wider perspective and the infinite inclusiveness of Being and having returned to ego I felt profound peace, love / consciousness and freedom that these words are a flimsy representation of the expansive ineffable multiverse in which Being includes. While including could be viewed as a receptive action from ego’s point of view – from Being it is not an action per se. And since it falls out of linear time into no-time there are no words for this Being State.

This wish is that everyone could experience this… Being inclusiveness. Word fail.

Heart-Felt Contact and Unity

BhanteAt93

In these days of social distancing feeling close to others, loved ones, family, extended family and friends is heart-wrenchingly difficult.

Allow a resonance of feeling to arise in your heart.

The next best experience of physical touch is heart to heart contact which can be done over great distances. Some of you may already know this. Here are a few suggestions and guidelines –

 

The Means

This can be a heart to heart contact – or making space for your loved ones – family, friends, marriage partner, lover – literally imagine a space next to you on the couch, chair, or bed and inviting their emotional presence to be near you. It helps to visualize how they appear to you.

And / or you can use the technology of phones, FaceTime, Skype or Zoom.

The heart is the source of emotion. There are neurons in the heart similar to the ones in our brains. Our cognitive processes (the neocortex) interpret, delineate and name emotions that we feel – from the heart. Our neocortex also screens love through opinions, beliefs and judgments to interpret love into a context that our egos can become attached to such as romantic love; love in a long-term relationship or marriage; or a parent’s love of a child for example. The love that is beyond ego is the resonance you may feel in your heart as you practice the “I-am”

Love is the underpinning of all emotions.

The purpose of the “I-Am” exercise is to activate and affirm our emotional presence.

One of my teachers, Bhante, lends his presence near to me since he left his body at 110. He taught meditation and the unwrapping of illusion to help reveal our Being within.

Being is love. Being does nothing. Being is.

Once ego is dropped, if for only a moment Being can be realized and enlightenment begins. Love that is Being emerges and is all life everywhere.

 

Practicing the “I-Am”

The technique

Or Listen to the audio file:

Find a chair, turn off or mute your phone for the next ten to fifteen minutes or so. Sit; leave your eyes open and pick a spot to look at on the floor. Later as you get the hang of it, you can do the I-Am anywhere without anyone noticing.

Breath-in focusing your attention on your sternum, the place between your pecs or your breasts and say “I” silently to yourself.

As you get to the top of your inhalation hold your breath a nano-second, or two.

As you exhale, still keeping your attention at your sternum, say silently to your-self “Am” on the out breath.

Repeat this for 7 to 12 times.

You may notice a resonance or a special sensual feeling developing there.  Eventually you can drop holding your pause in breath at the top and do continuous “I-Am”s.

Make the Phone Call – the Skype – FaceTime – or Zoom contact as you notice the resonance or special feeling.

Listen and respond with your “I-Am” exercise or the resonance of your heart. You don’t have to continue to do the “I-Am” constantly throughout your audio and / or video contact, just when you remember and / or are listening.

Listen deeply with a softening heart.

Don’t offer advice.

Just be a witness to their sadness, loneliness, heartbreak, worry, fears, anxiety or their joy, fun, bliss, exuberance and / or love.

You’ll feel some of or all of those feelings too.

By merely witnessing your friend’s and/or loved-one’s emotions of course you’ll feel it in yourself and by being there for them you’ll act as vent to help release their negative feelings and celebrate the positive ones and yours in that moment.

After you get the hang of it you can teach the “I-Am” to your friends, relatives and/or loved-ones. In the meantime, if appropriate ask if they need help. Offer help if you can and if you want – don’t do it from obligation or the expectation of reciprocity.

The resonance or special feeling created at your sternum can enhance an emotional connection and remind us that we can connect through the love we feel in our hearts for one another.

In 1967 at age 15 I had this experience:

I stood surrounded by the sand in the luxurious quiet and breathed in relief under a hot sun.

A feeling spread over me:

Time seemed to stop. I was agog in wonder; my hands went to either side of my open mouth. When I let go of my arms they gracefully fell through woven layers of white light to my sides. I was surrounded by this light so refined, comforting and beautiful – I was filled with bliss. All the people of the earth were woven into this light so that distance had melted by love or light. We were all in a sea of light close and far simultaneously.

Words paled. 

 

 

And in 2003:

I used to make space for my physically absent lover on the bench seat of my truck when I would drive home from work.  We felt each other side by side when I did this.

The bond of our love grew stronger as a result.

If your having trouble with the “I-Am” you may be trying too hard, or you may need to get grounded first.  Try a A_Grounding_Practice

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Explorations in Grief – Shifting the Cliff

beach calm cliffs coast line
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Since November of 2019 I have been engaged in a journey through the layers of grief and release.

Lately it’s been tough:

I realized that an old anger has returned – but maybe it’s been there all along and I hadn’t wanted to see it until now. It’s somatic anger, a clenched jaw. Okay not only anger resides there, fear too, tension, anxiety and oceans of sadness and grief. I can easily see the locus of it all – originating in an oppressive family system, wounding from childhood sexual abuse.

In my work as a healer I was assisted in temporarily shunting the anger aside which meant relaxing my jaw and releasing the tension. The fear also jetted away. I held the sadness behind a dam in a distant neutral land while I filled my body with light.

What remained was love. Such an abundance of sweet love. Impossible to describe I was able to fall back asleep sometime after six am.

A Dream Came:

The headlines read:

300 billion automatic weapons worldwide have been turned into the UN

and melted down into scrap

People from everywhere the Americas to Asia joyously turned in their automatic weapons to UN Stations throughout the world where they are now being melted down into scrap.

The above was in the headlines of all the papers, all over the internet and on television. All the people bringing in the guns were doing so spontaneously of their own volition. They reported they were no longer as afraid and didn’t need automatic weapons. They still had shotguns for hunting.

Some Meanings for the dream:

  • On the surface a sweet vision.
  • Given the work I did of letting go of anger/fear/anxiety to immerse myself and my body in love – the love that was already there
  • And mix it with Light
  • It removed the fear and anger that had sequestered the Love and let it out and manifested as a dream of peace

I look at the dream as being a remedy to my thought-forms of exclusion and how my anger / fear and anxiety – as well as sadness / grief has contributed to a violent world (thoughtforms).

The dream, then was a manifestation of love healing angers, fears, anxiety and sadness in me and the turning in of the automatic weapons (with joy)  [weapons as random angry thoughts – perhaps] into a world of love and inclusiveness.

 

 

is the future in the past and the past in the future?

person performing fire dance at night

As a result of vague memories filtering through my physical body I have been remembering a higher vibration in a far distant past beyond recorded history and perhaps a remembering of a future time as well.

Sounds crazy right?

Body memories are often associated with a traumatic past, but sensory memories can be wonderfully positive as well. For a period of about a month my body has been remembering a higher vibrational culture. The first clue of this kind of culture or the entire world first appeared in the early 1970s when I began to have emotional and visual experiences of a future vastly different anything. It was deceptively simple:

I saw a woman walking down a dark street in a large metropolitan area around 2 am in the morning in the summer time without fear, totally at peace and feeling fancy free.

This meant and I’m extrapolating:

  • Women and Men had become equals. Men wouldn’t think of dominating a woman in private or public or committing any acts of violence including rape against women.
  • White men – formerly the privileged patriarchy, were integrated with all peoples of color and ethnic diversity where power-over was no longer practiced. Only the power of presence was celebrated, love and compassion for others was held high.
  • Its quite possible that money no longer existed. Trades happened and all trades were accessed at equal value.
  • Children were honored for their innocence and play. The Elderly were respected for their wisdom, compassion and play. Nature and Earth were honored and revered.
  • Crime was nearly non-existence. Prisons no longer existed, rehabilitation was embraced and celebrated. Police had no need to carry weapons.
  • People took responsibility for their behavior and thinking.
  • Feelings of greed, envy, possessiveness and rage though still present came to be seen as addictive feelings brought about through fear and frenzied states. When we remind ourselves of the love we can access from everywhere and through trees, nature, and personal attributes of loving kindness from others and ourselves those addictive feelings are released.

asphalt blur car city

There are days when the fate of earth seems hopeless – not for earth herself, but for people – human beings on Earth. Part of me wants to go to the future and manifest it in the present. How I do this? With that in my I have been asking Spirit for visions and dreams leading the way. Although this process has just begun I can share with you an exciting beginning:

In the dreamtime I stood and with right arm straightened, palm down, arm stretched left and downwards. I swing it up, colored lights and a rainbow streamer flow out of my right arm as I swing it upward. At midday or 12 o’clock golden yellow light streams out.

A circle of light holds a rarefied space – once common many thousands of years ago. I step forward and the future rushes into the present as the past rushes “forward” to greet it in the present.

I laugh feeling giddy with joy and anticipation.

I wake and realize more work needs to be done on the portal… (more to come)

 

larger cycles of time

The Yugas in Hindu history are cycles of time of 4 million 320 thousand years of four cycles in a descending and ascending parts. New evidence suggests that there was mathematical error that if corrected show humans on the cusp of the Ascending Dvapara Yuga. The numbered sequence below displays the Descending Yugas:

 

  1. Satya Yuga – almost 2 million years long sits at the apex of the Yuga cycles and consists of an ascending and descending Yuga back to back. Average human lives span was 100,000 years. This was / will be a paradise on Earth;
  2. Treta Yuga – was / will be nearly 1 million three hundred thousand years long. Average lifespan was: 10,000 years, Wars appear with kings, divisions of labor occur and oceans and deserts form.
  3. Dvapara Yuga – was / is nearly 1 million years, lifespan 1,000 years. Disease, discontent and fighting become widespread.
  4. Kali Yuga – was / will be a little over 400,000 years, lifespan 100 years. People fall prey to ignorance, darkness and depravity. The environment is polluted, water and food are scarce.

 

For more see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuga

 

More recent research shows humans at the cusp of the Ascending Kali Yuga and the beginning of the Dvapara Yuga:

Yuga2b

 

**

manifesting a good future in the present

In the 90s I was in a relationship with a woman who was always telling me the temperature on very hot days after I had asked her not to tell me. If I didn’t know the temp it wouldn’t seem as hot. In those days of my late 30s early 40s I loved walking across the street during the hottest part of the day – with temps over 100 degrees – feeling the heat in my mouth, nostrils and how it slammed me into my body.

Now as I approach age 70 the heat has a withering effect on me. No longer can I tolerate 100-degree weather. I become stupid – my reasoning ability is diminished.

I was thinking about the weather as I watched the temperature sensor in my car rise up from 85 to 90 degrees in a matter of 30 minutes. However, I was in the bubble of air conditioning and feeling the future through vague body memories about the significance of “the weather”.

Now the weather is an event we talk about. How hot is it? How cold is it? And there may be an air of competition about the temperature.

In the future we are so integrated with one another and the planet weather no longer matters in the way it does now. Sensing local weather for weeks and seasons in advance will seem natural to us. Who could need a forecaster when we all know what is happening weather wise.

 

 

 

 

 

July 20, 1969 – I remember…

I was with my family in front of a TV at my aunt and uncle’s house in Guilford, Connecticut. It was the evening/night of Sunday, July 20, 1969 – a little less than a month and a half from my 18th birthday. And a month or so from my High School Graduation. Together we watched the Apollo 11 Commander Neil Armstrong step onto the Moon.

Hearing the words of JFK calling us

“my fellow citizens”

space research science astronaut
July 20, 1969 – Apollo Moon Landing, American Men on the Moon

I watched the documentary Apollo 11 and the feelings that struck me were the unity of us as American People. We achieved something as a nation through Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins along with all of NASA that allowed us a feat in modern exploration. The shots of the people that watched the launch, hearing Walter Cronkite, anchor of CBS News brought back a feeling of solidarity.

It was the solidarity that ended the war in Vietnam, the solidarity that ignited the Civil Rights Movement, that supported Unions and hope and made us all feel that anything was possible.

Hearing the words of JFK calling us “my fellow citizens” in his 1962 speech about putting men on the moon and returning them safely reminded me that we are not cogs in a predatory capitalist machine but a part of a greater community striving for democracy. The Merriam-Webster dictionary lists citizen as:  “an inhabitant of a city or town; especially : one entitled to the rights and privileges of a freeman” I would add “free person” to include everybody beyond just men.

Seeing the films of the ticker-tape parades for Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins and the pride and love of the people for the astronauts and how we supported them as a people and a nation. I felt once again that we were the United States of America.

Let’s begin to engender those feelings of unity again.

This is my vision.

blue and white planet display
Spaceship Earth – Home – Stop Climate Change

This is my wish.

 

No fooling – The Best Career / Avocation Ever

Purpledaywave

In the beginning…

Ever since I was very young I saw my mission to help relieve suffering in the world. I wanted to be a therapist and work to relieve suffering one person at a time. I studied Psychology in college and received a BA.

I began as a counselor.

In 1990 I received a calling, a mandate from God.

One night before retiring I asked God what I was supposed to do with my life. In the morning I had a waking experience that lead me to a woman that was thinking of killing herself. I listened with acceptance and did not offer advice. I was about to give her the names of therapists and groups to which she replied:

“The universe put you out there to hear my call and that’s all I needed.”

She chose to live and is alive today.

 

Further along…

As a counselor and later as a healer I have encountered peoples’ many personal realities. As a counselor in alternative mental health facilities for over 20 years I learned to listen deeply to others problems.

In the course of that work I began to let go of judgment.

When I felt their helpless I allowed myself to feel helpless with them without necessarily saying anything. Sometimes that appeared to have helped them.

Initiation…

All my life I have had bizarre experiences that have been “out-of-this-world”. I never spoke of them for fear of being condemned and shamed as “crazy” or “weird”.

landscape nature sky person
Gateway into Wonder

When I moved to California in 1982 I felt that the land and the mountains accepted me and that I had arrived home. The east-coast Connecticut Yankee critic in me was very harsh regarding the “foo-foo” impressions and thoughts running through my consciousness at that time. I continued to engage in inner “spiritual” work and observed this new consciousness within me.

In 1984 was a bizarre time for me. I saw light running like blood through trees. I had x-ray vision into my left arm where there was blood pumping there was light. A nearby plant extended its light over that very arm. I decided I was crazy – I closed my eyes and prayed for normalcy. When I opened my eyes, everything returned to normal. For more follow the link: Connection to Nature via the Heart

A couple of months later I moved a pool skimmer that was caught-up on a wave-gutter of a backyard in-ground swimming pool without touching it – for more follow the link: Gateway into the Light

I saw a white-light come from friend’s heart to my heart about 20 feet away. I felt love and the warmth of friendship.

Not normal experiences.

Sacred privilege…

As it has always been with my work as a crisis and half-way house counselor the information shared remains confidential so it is with the many clients I have seen in my healing practice.

loveflameEternity-copy2

Clients have come for a wide array of problems ranging from a concern over future events, physical / disease problems, opening to other worlds and many more. The intimacy I share with people is very sacred to me and I feel honored and blessed to be trusted so. I have found that there is something in me that always has transcended the Connecticut Yankee skeptic and critic inside to completely accept, honor and embrace a person’s reality with kindness and compassion. This has been a great blessing.

Each person brings the gift of their dilemma and with that a teaching for me. This completes a cycle of assisting them to solve a problem or problems while receiving a teaching. The cycle of giving and receiving is completed within each session that in-turn creates many blessings for me and the world at large.

Continually letting acceptance flow from me has taught me to embrace the shadow within, and to apply love and support to the parts of myself that I dislike and fear. The cycle of acceptance is a grace from a higher place where we all long to dwell.

When I complete a session, I feel vulnerable and in a trance of higher vibrational energies. The acceptance spills out imbued with love and compassion to include others throughout the world in a new kind of inclusiveness.

The feelings evoked are indescribably joyous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Consciousness and Memory in a Quantum Reality

two multicolored slinky toys

 

Memory Inside

When science describes our brain and memory there seems to be a mechanized reductionism at work.

memory as recall

Science states that memory is stored in our brain, specifically at the synaptic transfer between neurons. When we experience something new, new synapses are formed as a part of making new memories.

What if the reverse is true?

Memory is retrieved through our brains, our body and emotions from memories in constant flux in what we have previously referred to as “the past”. Even memories in “the future” are available to us but the constraints of language and the misperceptions of time create blocks to so-called future memories.

there is no past

Could all memories, including our own be everywhere?

 

Recall Waves

Better to re-frame memory as recall.

Our attachment to the concept of memory as originating in “the past” is so strong and our automatic response to the concept of memory is rarely questioned. Past and future are illusory because recall of the past “in the past” is present as recollections of past events. There is no past. Recall of “the future” never happens because the technology of our written and spoken language dissects relationships into distinct packets of information, subject / nouns, descriptors / adjectives, actions / verbs. The English language is based on separation of objects / nouns linked by change agents / verbs. This way of organizing language is coordinated with the actions of linear space-time namely – past, present and future. The idea that future events could be recalled as memories is alien to us – it is fantasy or science-fiction because future and past are objectified and separated based on the invisible technology of language.

We are thinking of the present as a pass-through point, so it becomes just as illusory as past or future.

Since “the past” does not exist and is really a continuous wave of the present and the future doesn’t exist either because it belongs to one continuous wave of energy.

 

An Exploratory Venture into Recall of the Continuous Wave of Presenting

Our attachment to “the past” and objectifying all that we experience makes recall of past memories easy to see as events as we experience in them in the present. When we approach experiencing “the future” in the same way we experience “the past” blocks automatically appear.

Present-ing

The problem isn’t with “the past” or “the future”, its with “the present”. The present isn’t static. We are thinking of the present as a pass-through point, so it becomes just as illusory as past or future. Instead of past, present and future we are in one continuous presenting wave that includes what we have previously separated into past, future and present.

most spoken and written languages are predicated on separation

Present-ing as a continuous wave makes the past and the future irrelevant and taken one step further makes the singularity of human experience backwards and non-relevant. We think of ourselves as separate from other selves and from others in the present-ing wave. Even our human life from birth to death is experienced as separate from death or an unknown or other lives – as in past lives, future lives etc.

Its logical that many humans do not experience a daily reality based on oneness and compassion due to the perceptual filters of separation.

All human life as perceived through most spoken and written languages are predicated on separation. Other forms built on language within the civilization construct support separation such as, the patriarch epoch, ownership, monetized trade, social classes, religions, democracy, communism, fascism and capitalism to name a few. The nature of separation besides strengthening strong egos and rugged individualism are reinforced through a variety of structures within civilization as listed above. The perception of separation through the tech of language are extensions of the technology of language and its perceptual off-shoots of linear space-time. Language rewires the neocortex to perceive the interactive world as separate and inflates an egocentric position of separation creating a circular reinforcing dynamic with almost all structures within civilization. Civilization is a co-conspirator with language to reinforce the separation reality.

Stepping out of separation into a “present-ing wave” reveals the real-world expressing consciousness through the screeners of separation and through the oneness of love and compassion. Its logical that many humans do not experience a daily reality based on oneness and compassion due to the perceptual filters of separation. Instead there may be holes in the fabric of separation dynamic where a larger reality or consciousness breaks through much like sunlight appearing to breakthrough cloud cover.

We are this wider reality or greater consciousness being expressed through the perceptual filters of ego and separation. In short separation and ego are illusion and stand in the way of what we already have – happiness, fulfillment, oneness and enlightenment.

Present-ing is experienced in two modes: 1. Separation is released in the moment to experience a greater consciousness that does not make sense under the rules of separation reality; and 2. Love and compassion are experienced as a transcendent experience to the Oneness that supports separation consciousness.

 

Memory in the context of released separation

In this mode our experience is one where magic or an “ah-ha” is felt.

Writers, artists and entrepreneurs that seemingly “come up with a brilliant idea” only to find that someone else has already completed, the novel, the painting, the movie or the product already.

When I was fifteen years old I wrote a short story about a group of scientists that boarded a small submarine that was miniaturized and injected into the President of the United States to repair a valve in his heart. A week later Life Magazine published Isaac Asimov’s “Fantastic Voyage” with photographs from the film. I felt immediately angered – thinking he had robbed me of my ideas until I realized that he must have conceived of the idea long before I had thought of it.

Then where did my story originate? I concluded that his idea and my idea came from a collective consciousness.

Around the same age I had had a dream where my sister and I were in a town along the coast of Connecticut. There was a storm and flooding. I broke into the basement of a church hall that had been converted into a museum where we could have shelter from the storm.

Three weeks later we (my father, mother, sister and me) visited the church in Stonington, Connecticut on the shore by the Long Island Sound. It was a museum inside. My father asked me where the bathroom was. I gave him complicated instructions on how to get there. He told me that I knew where it was because I had been there. I said – “No, I just know.” My father didn’t believe in anything but math, science and engineering. He found the bathroom where I had said it was.

The practice of quieting the mind may lead to a feeling of peace.

In the 1990s I had an idea to make turnip, parsnip, yam and sweet potato chips after having deep-fried up a few batches. This would be a good business to get into. Three months later I was in a upscale supermarket and found a manufacturer had already made these kinds of chips. I told myself it was not a good idea to turn all my ideas into businesses because; where’s the fun in that?

Picking a shared idea or having a premonition from a dream are examples of memory in the context of released separation. They happen to all of us spontaneously from time to time.

 

Memories of the future

Memories of presenting…

Since the future is an illusion and we can begin to experience time as present-ing then memories can begin to expand into a lifetime of the present-ing experience.

recall of experiences from an on-going present-ing or a wave of time that has no beginning and no end

In meditation mindfulness is the vehicle to quieting the mind. The practice of quieting the mind may lead to a feeling of peace. A continuing practice begins to peel back the layers of our stream of consciousness whose content is one of whim and attachment. The illusion of ego and separateness begins to fall away revealing the being that resides in each of us. Love and compassion remain when the mind continues to be quieted. The layers of enlightenment touch the practitioner or stated in another way we experience enlightening, loving, peacing and compassioning.

A question

Just as we experience our fingers and choose to wave our fingers is our mind / consciousness everywhere choosing to wave the life that we find ourselves in?

 

Recall, Presenting and Reincarnation

Recall or accessing memories of past, parallel and future more aptly put recall of experiences from an on-going present-ing or a wave of time that has no beginning and no end. Recall of experiences from present-ing in a cyclical or spiral frame (with end or beginning) could originate from the whole of consciousness or a being living in a cycle or reincarnation.

If there is a being enlightenment consciousness that incarnates along a present-ing continuum to experience finite lifetimes then our smaller ego selves have the possibility of rarely feeling alone or separated from consciousness.


Present-ing – is an on-going present wave. By changing present from a static state of “the present” to an continuously renewing on-going wave of energies present-ing becomes a regenerative word. Present-ing fills birth to death. Once birth and death become meaningless by a Consciousness Being living everywhere outside of time then present-ing in a finite biological body becomes more palliative.

 

 

 

 

 

Empathic Process and Beyond

adult alone black and white blur
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

On this precipice of transformation the world seems entrenched in romanticizations of the past, which is producing unnecessary injustices pain and suffering beyond the pale of the ordinary.

as an empath I feel their pain

 Survival is an interesting balancing act between feeling deep anguish,pain and suffering and a retreat into rationalizations and /or other protections of the mind. The danger of a continuous retreat into the mind is a numbing of emotion. Too much emotional distress that is left unprocessed leads to overwhelm and shock, suppression recycling unconscious processes that have alternating anxiety, fear, anger and /or depressive moods to name a few a part of the emotional strategies of coping albeit unbalanced.

something happens that seems like divine intervention

When I work with people who are in pain I acknowledge their pain, its truth and being and as an empath I feel their pain. It pushes up against the pain I have felt in my life and allows me to identify and bear witness to their pain and mine. Merely by bearing witness with an open heart, suspending judgment sometime something happens that seems like divine intervention. Their pain is slowly allowed to release a little in the moment. It doesn’t mean that the pain won’t return it just means that if I hold a respectful loving and compassionate space for someone without expecting any result the pain sometimes leaves. This is miraculous. It seems divine because it has to do with a force that is invisible in our lives – the neutral space, the place of the witness.From the witness the higher vibrations of love and compassion flows through me and amazes me because – although it seems a part of me it belongs to a greater oneness that is part of the essence, core or divine self. From many years of healing work it has become easier to release judgment and accept another person’s reality completely. This has been a gift (from the mystery of the Divine).

The Divine enters and is both me and not me

Surrendering ego is the push that keeps a boundary in place that may as well be a wall and that is extraordinarily difficult to release until it isn’t. In that moment when the “I” is released all compassion, love and/or the divine that is all round as it has always been. I have kept it out, me the ego. The release of ego is so simple in the act. Getting to the place of release, of surrender, of sacrifice is gut-wrenchingly arduous. The release is sweetness and freeing.

the light of relief is experienced in all its innocence

In that momentary place of release and holding space the healing empathic forces come into play. They come through me when I step out of the way in the moment.

The Divine enters and is both me and not me, is a child of mirth and wild play; and that which is greater acting through me. Still the ego in me would like to lift the suffering from the one who is with me. I, the ego, realizes this is a disservice to the person in front of me who is suffering. I have come to see that by holding sacred space and allowing the person’s pain and suffering to run its course that they are learning a new grace and wisdom of unwinding karma and releasing their pain. I feel privileged that I can witness a birth within another as suffering and pain go and the light of relief is experienced in all its innocence.

This is one gift of the empath.

For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

Blessings

EssenceFlameEternal
Essence of Light Within

From “Forever Young” by Bob Dylan

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you…

“God, what am I suppose to do with my life?”

was the question I asked myself before going to bed on a Monday night on February 5, 1990

loveflameEternity
Light as seen by Others

The answer led me to a life that while there was previously undeveloped and unfolded into a life of grace and blessings.

We forget that within the core of each individual is being

One of the greatest gifts or blessings in my life has been and continues to be is an ability to “see”.  I have “seen” others to the depths of their beings and they have all been beautiful.

In my interdimensional healing practice of nearly 30 years I have been blessed to see and embrace other peoples’ realities. My heart is full with that privilege of this life that has been afforded me.

In the beginning I did readings and embraced others’ realities. Then I began to work with helping others heal the blocks that stood (stand) in the way of their own light and embraced their realities.

the love is boundless

We all long to be seen, accepted and know that our presence has been acknowledged. We are hungry for that connection and may do all sorts of things distracting us from feeling that connection while thinking its out there somewhere. We see behaviors and attributes that we don’t like, loathe, hate and judge in the other. We discount and judge ourselves. We forget that the actions and attributes of the other person are surface waters and not who they are. We do not see people for who they are because we are so concerned with judging, criticizing and berating ourselves and maybe others. We forget that within the core of each individual is being.

loveflameEternity-copy2

When we are quiet enough to experience being in another we can experience being in ourselves. Then the love is boundless.

 


For further reading: The Calling

For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

I grew up inside a Terrorist Regime – my family

 

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The Road Out via Compassion

 

I grew up inside a Terrorist Regime: in my family of origin where my father was the dictator and his word was law.

When I was a pre-teen he would shout me down into submission when he disagreed with something I said and end with telling me I was being illogical.

This was worse than death, torture of my dog.

He would continue to castigate my mother by telling her she was “irrational”. More often than not she was intuitive and non-rational

Around that time we adopted a stray dog: Peewee. He went everywhere with me – on my walks in the woods and to the reservoir. We never tied him up when we weren’t home. He ran with a pack of dogs that ate sheep. The sheep owner told us we would have to tie him up. We did for a while and then not having the heart to keep him tied up we let him go and he ate sheep again. My father was to take him to the vet to be put down. At dinner that night my father said:

I took Peewee to Yale to be experimented on. 

My head sank. This was worse than death, torture of my dog. I was so sad and down.

I thought you liked science – my father said.

 Not anymore – I said starting to get angry.

But I couldn’t show my anger otherwise I’d get in-trouble so I stuffed it.

After dinner beginning in my early teens we played Ping-Pong every night after dinner. He’d use psychological tactics on me to goad me to become angry, throw me off balance so he could win. One night, I thought – this is supposed to be fun. I decided not to get angry and started winning games. Once that happened he stopped playing and admitted that I had been a better player than he was and that by using psychological tactics he knew he could win.

he would bait others into Republican ideological arguments and then shout them down when they didn’t agree with them

When I was a teenager my father would bait me into arguments that I was emotionally invested in and then use his premise to make me feel wrong and confused. I’d fall for his debate tactics every time. When I was in my twenties I began to disagree with his premises and all “debate” ended.

My mom came to me and asked: “What am should I do about your father?”

 “What do you mean?”

“Well you know how he is.”

My mother’s friends never came over anymore because he would bait others into Republican ideological arguments and then shout them down when they didn’t agree with them.

            “You could see a therapist or minster,” I said.

            “I couldn’t do that,” she replied.

            “You could get a divorce,” I said.

           “Oh no, I couldn’t do that,” she replied.

            “Well, I don’t know what else to tell you,” I said.

My sister and I would spend all daylight hours outside of the house away from my mother and father and that I supposed was normal. We lived surrounded by bucolic regions of farms, fields and woods. My father would use his booming voice to call us for dinner while we were at least a mile away. He had had a lot of practice bellowing.

He told me once that he promised never to hit us like his father had done to his mother, him and his two sisters. But he broke his promise a few times. However he made up for actually physical violence by terrorizing us with verbal and non-verbal threats.

He often accused and never apologized even when he made a mistake.

He oscillated between sometimes being a looming or threatening boss to be a playful child albeit isolating. He was jealous of my mother having any recognition and acted passive-aggressively to quell her recognition: My mother would play the piano and we would sing folk songs and Christmas Carols after dinner. My mom also painted some. My father decided he could paint too. He painted some squares and a triangle on a canvas and put a mahogany frame around it. He hung it over the piano. When this happened I felt a profound shame and the childish jealousy of my father. My mother’s only visible protest was never to play the piano again. We all knew and my father had won his petty little game.

One time my sister and I – always the rivals often competing for my father’s attention were having a blast; bickering. It was a bit like the Monte Python sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLlv_aZjHXc

Our father yelled from the other room to “Stop it,” in his booming voice. We furtively glanced at each other snickering under our breaths and then began bickering again:

“Yes it is,” I fired out.

“No it isn’t,” my sister came back.

And on we went…

Our father appeared in the door of the kitchen his face red with rage, fists clenched he spewed in a vitriolic manner:

You kids cease and desist this instant!

 I thought blood would spurt from a vein in his forehead. He glared at us full of fury and rage. I had to bite my tongue so as not to speak or laugh. Many years later my sister told me she was so terrified that she had wet herself.

In my arguments to my father about the Vietnam war – I returned from college and told him I was against the war: he punched me across the face with a 1-2 punch and then in the stomach. He opened the front door of the house and threw me into the bushes and said:

Don’t you ever set foot in this house, again.

I was shaking and crying. A moment later he came out and invited me back inside saying:

I guess I didn’t brainwash you good enough.

 I knew my mother had stood up for me in that moment.

I learned to bring emotion into our debate and was able to stop many debates cold such as: The Vietnam war is wrong because killing for any reason is wrong and that’s how I feel.

my father was extremely obnoxious … after drinking in the afternoon

Later when I was going through a very rough time and we were in family therapy without my sister who was in college out west my father agreed to be nice to me. For about a year and a half he was nice. And then he changed back.

When I asked him about the change he said: “I can see that you were okay so I decided to be myself again.”

I offered to do some hands-on healing.

My father would have an occasional beer and an after dinner liquor when his friends came over for dinner. Once I had lunch with him in New Haven in the 1974 when we both worked in the city (it was the summer that Nixon resigned). He had a pitcher of beer with lunch. He seemed the same before as he did afterwards. At that time I wasn’t as aware of the various shades of alcoholism as I became later.

In the 1980s my sister visited with my mother and father. I met them for lunch. I was to meet them later at their Bed and Breakfast and then we were to meet up my woman lover at a restaurant in Glen Ellen. When I met them at the B&B my father was extremely obnoxious: grabbing a magazine article from my hands while I was reading it, ignoring my protest, telling me I had to listen to him etc… Later I learned that he and my sister had gone to a bar after lunch and had been drinking. My mother probably just watched – she didn’t drink due to health issues.

I felt satisfied that I was able to help him and that he had accepted my help.

They moved from Connecticut to North Carolina and I visited them in 2000.

My father said out of the blue:

            They’ve discovered planets in other solar systems.”

            “Good for them,” I replied.

            “How does astrology explain that?”

‘Oh brother here we go again.’ I thought

“Sounds like your trying to make fun of my profession as an astrologer,” I said going to the end point.

“Ah, no, no I wasn’t,” he said and dropped the whole thing. I was relieved and he seemed relieved as well.

He often accused and never apologized, ever.

By August of 2005 my father was on oxygen from pulmonary fibrosis – a lung disease. Even on O2 he had difficulty breathing, gasping for air. Towards the last hour of my stay I offered to do some hands-on healing. I thought he would refuse since he rarely praised me and denigrated my actions, choices and accomplishments at every turn of my life. I was surprised that he agreed.

For the next 45 minutes while I was there he breathed normally and appeared thankful though he said nothing. I felt satisfied that I was able to help him and that he had accepted my help.

He died in 2006 on my birthday from from pulmonary fibrosis.


END NOTES:  I learned much about the frightened Conservative stance towards the world through my father and his strong patriarchal ideals. Underneath all that bluster, anger and rage was a frightened boy who had never recovered from the abuse at the hands of his father. My father acknowledged the beatings that my grandfather had meted out on him his sisters and his mother. I’m sure there was sexual abuse that was repressed and / or supressed by alcohol abuse and acting-out rage, just as my garndfather had sexually abused me in horrific ways.

Beyond the unhealed abuse and fear that caused him to shift from an expansive man who had voted for JFK to one who embraced Nixon, Reagan, and both Bushs. Nixon was elected in 1969 when my father was almost 50. This is sometimes the period that people wither or break free from their parents belief systems. Or they become dissillusioned with the ideals of youth and fall back into what they know. My father embraced conservativism because it was about the past – government unresponsive to the needs of the many and only able to see the needs of the privelged and the elite in which he identified.

Fear is a breeding ground for greed, having enough, believing government stood in the way of making as much money as possible for himself. He was angry at those in civil service work because they made almost as much as he did as an executive for Ma Bell. Manual labor was beneath him. The intellect was all powerful and deserved the best of the elite. The common man – the middle class became superfluous, invisible and therefore inconsequential to him.

He belived in the platitudes and the American Dream and thought that all had access to it through hard work. He was sexist and racist and homeophobic. He was a sad broken man who took out his wounds on others.

I am happy to have survived my childhood with my heart intact though it took me many years to get in-touch with my emotions. I have forgiven my father for all the wounds he had perpertated on me. And I trust that his consciousness is growing in a life beyond his mortal coil.