Nine Life Shaping Events and…

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My early life as a child and later as a teenager was punctuated by extraordinary events that helped shape all subsequent experiences.

Before I attended kindergarten I was eager to learn spelling, which included writing out my name. In the mid 1950s my parents did not send me to nursery school. Between birth and five years old my parents and younger sister and I lived in a second floor apartment that had once been part of an attic in one big house.

At age four I was lying in bed one night watching the floaters in the film of my eyes dart across the night-light lit ceiling of my bedroom. I believed the floaters were stars and I was trying to catch one of them. As soon as I thought I had one it would dart away. It was a futile activity and I don’t know how long I spent doing it. Perhaps I was awakening.

I asked Jesus to protect me. Then I felt Jesus put the heel of his hand near my groin while his fingertips just reached my throat. Even though my body was small, Jesus’s hand must have been extraordinarily big. And I felt safe, grateful and joyous. I saw a piece of glass on the floor.

I took the piece of glass and I carved Jesus’s name in the top drawer of my bureau. The “J” was backwards and the writing was wonky. I threw the piece of glass in the wastebasket and went back to sleep.

In the morning I thought it had all been a dream until I saw Jesus’s name carved in the top drawer of my bureau. I knew that I was going to be in trouble with my parents for defacing the furniture. They said nothing and seemed to pretend that it didn’t exist.

Years later through flashbacks I uncovered a memory of sexual abuse that my father had perpetrated and my mother had covered up. It put the Jesus memory in a context that made sense. I chose to remember my contiguous memory of Jesus’s protection even though I had acknowledged the abuse and its cover-up.



At eleven or twelve years of age my mother drove us to the mall in the adjacent town. “How do these cars not hit each other?” I was wondering in my mind. They are in this dance of cooperation. The dance was fascinating especially when I extrapolated this dance around the world.


At age twelve I had been wandering in the library and found two books. One book reflected my depressive self and the other my expansive self. The first book reflecting the depressive in me was “Notes from Underground” by Dostoyevsky. The second book – “The Future of Man” by Teilhard de Chardin reflected my expansive higher consciousness self. That evening I asked to talk with my father about not using fear to shape his children.


In the summer of 1967 at age fifteen while I was on vacation with my family on Cape Cod I hiked up the beach from Eastham by Nauset Light to Truro about twelve miles – north of the Marconi Station. I had a heart-based experience that love untied the world. It filled ne with bliss and ecstasy. Words pale. The experience was ineffable.


In the summer of 1968 at age sixteen while I was on vacation with my family on Cape Cod I went out onto the mudflats at low tide in Wellfleet. The sun was beginning to set. I leapt into the air and I felt “the world as one”. And in a vision I saw every being connected by beams of light, one heart to another. From space the entire planet was consumed by light.



In 1984 I was in a leadership-training course. I was 32 years old. Our group was team building on a Ropes Course near Woodland, California. One of our teammates was up in the trees preparing to jump onto a wobbly platform, supported in a safety harness by two burly fellows on the ground and two support people in the trees. Our support consisted of us yelling like rabid cheerleaders at her. It made no sense to me so I projected the supportiveness of my heart energy into the trees and towards her.

Something happened that I hadn’t expected.

I saw light coursing through the trunks and branches of the trees. Looking at the light streaming so quickly through the trees was intense.

I looked down. I looked at the ground and then at the bare skin on my left arm.

I saw inside my arm. Where blood was pumping through the arteries and veins I saw light pulsing.  Light from a near by leafy bush (the leaves were tender and sweet to look at) extended a cloudy plasmic field of light around my arm as if to comfort me.

At that time it was too intense for me to process it and I closed my eyes and prayed for normalcy.  When I opened by eyes moments later I saw what I had expected to see – all was normal and reassuring.


The Calling –


Eight, Nine and more – explore this blog.


Offering Love


Bhante – my mentor and teacher who lived to 110 years old once said that for every person that loves it nullifies the hate in ten other people.

Gregg Braden in conjunction with the Heart Math Institute reports that our hearts create a field of about twelve feet and that the instruments used to measure the field can only do so up to twelve feet. So it is possible that the heart field extends much further than twelve feet.

Love loves hate until it dissolves.


Love is the binding emotion. If love can be quantified as photons it could be said that love is a frequency of light. In my experience I have seen a variety of frequencies of light that are love. Love is the stuff of connection in the universe and allows all other emotions to connect to it. Emotions are universal amongst all humans. Its what binds us together as a species. Love is the most binding of all the emotions.

When I send love to another and there is no permission to send it to an individual I send the love near to an individual so that the love is so irresistible it could be delightful to take the love.

When love surrounds hate without us forcing love onto another then it softens the hatred, which is fear and allows it to dissolve. Love loves hate until it dissolves.

Try it to see how sharing or offering love affects your view of yourself, your view of the peopled multiverse and your relationship to the peopled multiverse as well as the multiverse itself.

The Happiness Prayer

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Happiness is what we are blessed with as babies. We get caught up in a world of having, goals, and conquest in “the pursuit of happiness”. The past isn’t a separate place “back there” – the memories of the past exists in the present and the emotions are the link to the ever expanding now.

You’re scrolling through the photos on your phone, tablet or computer (or a photo album / loose photos) and you come across a photo of you and your friends, family or loved ones.

You remember what it was like in this photo, the sounds, the conversations, the quality of the air, the laughter, the feelings of companionship and love. Looking at the photograph you feel the happiness and love you felt with your friends, family and/or lovers – your community.

You reflect on those feelings and allow yourself to feel those feelings now. Feel the peace, feel the love, feel the happiness.

Reflecting on feelings of happiness elicits the feelings to arise now.

You give thanks.



The Other Side of Gratefulness


Part of this season of giving thanks is a reminder to feel humbled and grateful for the blessings in our lives. This could be gratefulness to friends, to food, to shelter, to a thankfulness that the roof stays over the head and doesn’t fall down.

I think we’re all aware of feeling irritated, frustrated, infuriated by the injustices…

The other side of gratefulness is to be thankful for all that is irritating and produces feelings of frustration and anger. Feelings of gratefulness to loss through “breaking-up”, loss from death of a family members, spouse, and/or best friend. You may think these are strange feelings and happenstances to feel grateful.

This kind of gratefulness brings my attention to basic underlying questions of my existence on the planet. While its great to feel grateful for what I think I have or how I relate I automatically exclude all that is unpleasant, irritating and infuriating. When I feel grateful to the pain in some bones of my left foot my attention is drawn there. I’m paying attention to something I might ordinarily forget and then I’m entering into a form of sleep.

Its easier to fight the injustices I perceive when I am grateful to the people that are eliciting unpleasant responses in me.

I think we’re all aware of feeling irritated, frustrated, infuriated by the injustices we perceive in the world around us, but when we are reminded to feel grateful we exclude those unpleasantries, because their unpleasant. When I include all those unpleasant feelings and I allow myself to feel grateful for these feelings something extraordinary abet subtle unfolds. My heart softens towards those situations and people that triggers the irritation in me. Intellectually I begin to understand their point of view even though I voraciously disagreed with them. My awareness expands and I include their beingness while continuing to disagree.

When I make room in my life for irritation and the like more people are included in the tissues of interconnectivity.

Its easier to fight the injustices I perceive when I am grateful to the people that are eliciting unpleasant responses in me. It reminds me that I am a flawed imperfect being and that other human citizens are as flawed as I am. This teaches me to “not take the issues in contention not so personally”. Of course I do – I do take the issues I interpret as injustices personally.

I tell myself to expand my gratefulness practice to include, that which is easy, and that which is tough to practice on a daily basis – and I forget to do this. I often remember that the other person isn’t perfect and I am trying to include them by releasing my irritation and softening my heart to include them in friendship. This works sometimes.

When I make room in my life for irritation and the like more people are included in the tissues of interconnectivity. Debating with these individuals makes more sense when I am grateful for the irritations that connect us because I am working on taking this less personally.

The “I-Am” Exercise


Activate your heart chakra with the ‘I-am” exercise. [breathing with your intention on your heart chakra – the breast bone or sternum and think “I” or say “I” silently on the in breath. breath-out and say “am” silently or think “am” on the out breath. Let a resonance of feeling engender in your heart chakra.

The heart chakra is the source of emotion. Our cognitive processes (neo cortex) interpret, delineate and name emotions that we feel. Love is the underpinning of all emotion.

The purpose of the “I-Am” exercise is to activate and affirm our emotional presence.


“I Made a Mistake, I Apologize.”


In April of 1983 I was living at Eden Square Apartments in midtown Stockton, California. Parking was on the street. I had moved there in November of 1983.  I had moved to the Big Valley in 1982 from the east coast where I was unfamiliar with the kind of parking described below.

I parked on East Acacia – a side street. The front entrance was on El Dorado around the corner.

A guy started shouting at me and pointing at the street. At first I paid him no heed and continued to walk away.

“Hey you, Guy! You parked wrong.” He was yelling at me.

I stopped and looked at him.


He jabbed his arm / finger towards my car and shouted:

“You parked wrong.”

“Its how I always park,” and started to walk away.

“You see those lines painted on the street?”


He pointed to the lines painted on the street. I looked.

“They’re there for a reason, buddy,” he was boiling mad.

The lines on the street were like a grid.

Duh, I got it.


 “Sorry, didn’t see it. Didn’t think to look. I’m sorry. I’ll move my car.” I got in and moved the car to in-between the lines.


            This guy was suddenly my best friend. Immediately his mouth dropped. He invited me to join him at Gold’s Gym- below my apartment building. I respectfully declined.

            He shook my hand and thanked me.





4-magicThe duck pond on the Sonoma Plaza 🙂


On an early Sunday morning in February of 1983 my best friend Kent and I went to Sonoma and the Valley of the Moon.

I had moved to the Stockton area in 1982 to live and work with Bhante – the Dharmawara Mahathera and learn Vipassana Meditation in greater depth. However I rebelled against being a devotee – something he had wanted (not me) and moved out.

Hanging out at the Blackwater Café in Stockton I came to know Kent. We became good friends. He introduced me to the magic of Sonoma.

His introduction was replete with great wisdom and insight.

I am eternally grateful to him for opening the door to my home.

We left around 6 am in the dusk of a cold morning on that February. He drove his van with his dog and me across the delta towards Sonoma. He had a knack for introducing me to the magic of Sonoma and the Valley of the Moon with his mythic-poetic musings peppered into our conversations.

We missed Bill at perform with his guitar at the church. We met Bill and his wife Shirley at the First Congregational Church on West Spain Street in Sonoma at the tail end of the 7 am Service. Then Kent drove us to their cabin near the top of Moon Mountain Drive in Sonoma. We ate brunch and talked.

My third eye opened wide upon entry into the Sonoma Valley.

Kent and I took a short walk on the fire trail to the south of their house and he waxed on about castles in Europe appearing out of the fog – such as the fog in the valley.

Something quite unexpected had happened that day. I digress – that for the past 18 months I had been doing an inner exercise – a meditation in the morning to create light for the “soul’s body” and open the 3rd eye. My third eye opened wide upon entry into the Sonoma Valley.

I felt the town welcomed me, just as Mount Diablo “spoke” to me about becoming a healer. Of course the impressions didn’t come in English but I translated them into language for a better understanding. At first I explained the opening of my Third Eye by all the spiritual work that was done by others in the valley.

Many years after another answer came to me in a softer manner. It was the land herself, the configuration of the Valley of the Moon and the power center (the Plaza) of Sonoma Valley that has been a source of mystery and powerful transformation. I believe the way in which Kent introduced me to Sonoma and the Valley was replete with great wisdom and insight. I am eternally grateful to him for opening the door to my home.

Towards the end of this Field of Dreams film clip Burt Lancaster’s character Doc Graham makes a powerful statement about “home”. This is how it is for me in Sonoma.

PS I give workshops/individual sessions in some of the magical places in Sonoma


The Solar Eclipse – some personal notes


Coastal fog obscured what would have been a partial solar eclipse in the wine country of Northern California.

I meditated instead.

I felt a profound peace coming from how the event pulled everyone together. I felt a collective sadness.

I felt a physical realignment to Earth’s core and a reconfiguration on my 2nd chakra, birth chakra and solar plexus.

I felt peace in my heart the the burdens of sadness, although I was not identified with this sadness.  It was there and I was witness to it.

Charlottesville and the Downside of The Solar Eclipse


The eclipse is the shadow of the moon obscuring the light of the Sun on the Earth. Shadow elements of the blockage of the Sun (in late Leo – proud heart of love) is bringing forth its opposite hate, fear and violence to be released.

The god of war – Mars is also associated with action and leadership – on the high side and anger, violence and aggression on the low side. Mars is a (male) yang planet. Mars in Leo can be pushy and dynamic and is associated with the eclipse, part of the shadow.

The impulsive/ dark side violent energy of Mars in Charlottesville was fueled by Moon in Aries wildly impulsive prone to emotional outbursts.

The shadow of fear and hatred has come to light. One of the perpetrators has lost his job. Others are under investigation for their crimes.

The Illinois State Legislators have proposed a law:

Covering the Bases on August Total Solar Eclipse – 2017



In 999 AD there was a total solar eclipse in Southern Europe. The combination of the ellipse with the calendar – the upcoming 1000 AD produced interesting effects. Many people believed the world was going to end. Farmers stopped tilling their fields. Many people gave property and “worldly possessions” to The Roman Catholic Church.

There was a famine

On New Year’s Eve 999 many huddled in churches waiting for the end. When nothing happened many demanded what they had given to the church back. The Church Fathers said no. There was a famine and the middle/business class collapsed. It took Middle Class took ten years to rebuild.

Many succumbed to a similar hysteria around the Y2K virus. A friend never recovered from going into debt in preparation for the collapse and has been looking into conspiracy theories for new collapses.

Endings and beginnings are based on the invention of language that feed ego.

Astrologers and the current eclipse are predicting big changes and transformation. There is a need in a culture based in capitalism for events and a cellular desire / fear-aversion for endings (also built into Judaeo-Christian and Islamic philosophy). Endings and beginnings are based on the invention of time and language that feed ego functions in us all. While eclipses occur four to seven times per year – both solar and lunar. Solar and lunar eclipses are approximately two weeks apart from one another.

A Solar Eclipse both total and partial are positions of the Moon in front of the Sun casting a shadow on Earth. A Lunar Eclipse is the shadow of Earth that blocks the Sun from illuminating the Moon. The symbology of eclipses or metaphors  in Solar Eclipses – unconscious or “the dark side” of personality / inner self comes to light and in Lunar Eclipses – unconscious or “the dark side” of emotions come to light – because we observe the process.

The Astrologers I have read so far regarding the eclipse event do NOT predict exact events. It’s all rather vague, claiming transformation. There are some reasons for this:

  • Modern Astrology doesn’t predict events
  • Astrological transits (planets, the Sun and Moon in relationships with one another and/or with natal – or birth charts or progressed charts of persons, entities – the USA for example) are parameters of possibility.
  • Parameters of possibility don’t predict events per se. Parameters are about limits and a way of prescribing sets of variables within a set, in a formal manner.
  • Parameters of possibility can fall High, Medium or Low probabilities
  • Parameters of possibility can be interpreted from a Transcendental Perspective, from a Conscious Perspective or an Unconscious Perspective.
  • Whether our experience falls within the parameters of possibilities depends on too many factors, but if we were to list the salient factors they might be:
  • Choice, will, and decision
  • Soul age
  • Hazard / luck
  • If an astrologer were to predict a specific “fearful” event and they proved to be correct then is a self-fulfilling prophecy dictating the process may have occurred. No person or astrologer would want this responsibility.
  • If an astrologer were to predict a specific “positive” event and it proved to be correct then others would look to this astrologer for past and future replication of this “educated guess”. And /or consider them “psychic”.
  • If an astrologer predicts a “positive” but vague and seemingly magical future event then there is usually no way to determine whether it actually happened or not from a common perspective.


According to astrological cycles the new moon / solar eclipse (August 21, 2017 at 18:30 UT, 2:30 pm EDT, 11:30 am PDT) are about new beginnings having to do with revealing the shadows of the emboldened ego /self. (Trump’s chart relates strongly to this eclipse – more later on that.)

a new world could be opening into a shared power base

Astrologically the obvious major influences are the release of shadow elements regarding authority and a revolution. This could portend a shift of power in the world – ie the USA being dethroned as the top of the heap of the Superpowers and / or a healing of that power.

Communication will be intense (as in negotiation – perhaps) – Mercury in retrograde and fraught with possible deceptions and/or lofty ideals as a one-world government etc. – Neptune (ideals / spirituality, illusions and delusions) opposite Mercury.

Regulus – a “fixed” star has been in Leo for the last 2,000 years and has recently enter Virgo. Regulus – meaning royalty and those that serve royalty (the patriarchy) has moved into Virgo – innocence and healing bounded by a spiritual community.

This looks to be a time of stand-offs that are painfully entering a new time of healing.

Trump could get a karmic kick in the butt

Looking at this as a key opening a lock: a new world could be opening into a shared power base. In other worlds the patriarchal hierarchy is gone and this new way of a community of shared power is emerging. It could be felt in how all our relationships work – assuming you don’t take the role of the parent or child and instead become a peer.



Trump’s natal chart reflects his impulsivity and his karma. This eclipse could reveal his shadow and end up with a karmic kick in the butt.