Discovering Tantric love-making — maybe. I have had no formal training in the meditative processes of tantra.
As a shaman perhaps, I was given a gift by spirit, which became our gift.
In 2008 when I was with my younger lover something wonderful happened:
Having made-love and we both climaxed one time we were resting in the intimate afterglow of loving intimacy. But I hadn’t withdrawn my penis from inside her. After a while it became erect again.
I noticed / felt my sexual energy rise up along her spine to her crown chakra and felt it come into me. The energy that had blended with her energy passed down my spine electrifying my body as it went into my genitals and passed back into her.
Her body shuddered. I felt it. She orgasmed.
I felt the energy rise within her and cycle even faster through her and then through me.
She gasped and shuddered with ecstasy.
Then again and again.
And again. I received the bouquet of her of her bliss and was showered with her epiphanies. My love grew deeper and richer for her. Her love grew around me as if it were a substance — like a rainbow light.
“I can’t take it” she stuttered and my whole body orgasmed.
I did not have a genital orgasm- my whole body, heart and mind were present as she too flowered into ecstasy one more time. Our spirits enveloped each other and we were one.
We lingered in bed. We were completely open to one another.
Some time later she said she was hungry. “Dinner at the Thai place?” I smiled at her. “Great.” We got dressed and walked into town.
I looked at her lovingly, our eyes met.
“Stop doing that?”
“I had another one.”
“I wasn’t doing anything, well except for feeling love for you.”
Fractal Geometry is analogous to one way Shamans see
I view astrology lightly. It’s one tool amongst many for navigating through life’s challenges and accentuating the blessings. Besides astrology I use many of the following for navigating life’s passages:
Aims and Goals (an aim is a goal without an end such as “relieving suffering”)
Inner or spiritual practices
My gut (intuition)
Empathy – Emotional Maturity
The Three Explanations of “why” astrology works (theories)
Astrology deals in parameters.
If we filter astrology parameters through negative / fear screens the parameters become limiting. If we look at the filters without a positive or negative bent – with neutrality then caution may be exercised. I often experiment with positive astrological parameters to see how a result might manifest between extremes – the results are surprising in a good way.
Explanation One – Astrology Correlates
When the ancient astronomers- also astrologers observed the planets and the moon the noticed the relationships of various movements with seasons of earth: spring, summer, autumn and winter. Phases of the moon. Planets and stars were then associated with the mythology of spring, winter and so on. Other visible planers were tracked out to Saturn and brought into the mythology. Astronomy and astrology have long ago been separated.
Explanation Two – Physics Causalities
Both the gravitational force or fields (GF) and the electromagnetic field (EMF) around planets, moons, the sun, asteroids, comets and other debris in our solar system have been measured by astrophysicists and studied. The entire solar system has a discernible field. It only makes sense that the astrophysics of the community of planets within the sun’s gravitational field along with the EMF has subtle effects between planets as suggested by astrology.
Explanation Three – Shaman’s Holistic Perspective
The Shaman’s reality combines correlates, astrophysics causalities and a Living Being – The Solar Community of our local star into a personalized knowing of relationships in a wider context. It’s possible that ancient astrologers / astronomers like the three Magi (see link below) that followed a star or comet to bring gifts to the newborn Christ were shamans.
Shamans have the ability to “see” / experience reality in macro and micro perspectives through an inclusion principle. In other words, shamans may experience the solar system either in their physical bodies or in their electromagnetic fields produced by their bodies. This is analogous to fractal geometry – as above/so below.
Since November of 2019 I have been engaged in a journey through the layers of grief and release.
Lately it’s been tough:
I realized that an old anger has returned – but maybe it’s been there all along and I hadn’t wanted to see it until now. It’s somatic anger, a clenched jaw. Okay not only anger resides there, fear too, tension, anxiety and oceans of sadness and grief. I can easily see the locus of it all – originating in an oppressive family system, wounding from childhood sexual abuse.
In my work as a healer I was assisted in temporarily shunting the anger aside which meant relaxing my jaw and releasing the tension. The fear also jetted away. I held the sadness behind a dam in a distant neutral land while I filled my body with light.
What remained was love. Such an abundance of sweet love. Impossible to describe I was able to fall back asleep sometime after six am.
A Dream Came:
The headlines read:
300 billion automatic weapons worldwide have been turned into the UN
and melted down into scrap
People from everywhere the Americas to Asia joyously turned in their automatic weapons to UN Stations throughout the world where they are now being melted down into scrap.
The above was in the headlines of all the papers, all over the internet and on television. All the people bringing in the guns were doing so spontaneously of their own volition. They reported they were no longer as afraid and didn’t need automatic weapons. They still had shotguns for hunting.
Some Meanings for the dream:
On the surface a sweet vision.
Given the work I did of letting go of anger/fear/anxiety to immerse myself and my body in love – the love that was already there
And mix it with Light
It removed the fear and anger that had sequestered the Love and let it out and manifested as a dream of peace
I look at the dream as being a remedy to my thought-forms of exclusion and how my anger / fear and anxiety – as well as sadness / grief has contributed to a violent world (thoughtforms).
The dream, then was a manifestation of love healing angers, fears, anxiety and sadness in me and the turning in of the automatic weapons (with joy) [weapons as random angry thoughts – perhaps] into a world of love and inclusiveness.
The Trees are my friends who speak in a language (not English, nor a human language) that is too slow for us fast moving humans to perceive. It’s more than likely that we have all had opportunities and may have felt the presence of trees.
reconnecting with the sacred inside us through a personal relationship with a tree
The Japanese practice of “forest bathing” an immersion in the woods or forest is a cleansing experience. Certainly, I have noticed the peace that the forest affords. I have experienced it in myself and observed the outward manifestation in others in the forest. [Amongst others there is a stream of conversation that goes on and on. The talk abrupt stops as they have detoxed enough and notice the trees and are quiet much like the quiet of a church service.]
Upon entering the forest or woods I automatically dip into the stream of consciousness that many carry with us whether that comes in the form of an inner dialogue, music and/or visual images. For me it’s mostly visual images sometimes with dialogue or narration that is the streaming junk of my daily life. Then it stops.
Wow, there are Trees Here!
When it does stop I notice my surroundings. Peace emerges and pervades my being as I stand near a copse of trees on the path in the woods. Sometimes when I stop moving and the stream of conscious ceases I feel the presence of large boulders, tall trees, a stream or brook, maybe a small waterfall. I feel washed clean by the powers of nature.
feeling of being grounded and connected to Earth; our shared home.
There they are – these standing ones whether they be Douglas firs, pines, redwoods, the deciduous aspens, the Japanese maples, and some oaks. They stand and wait for a human to make contact. Once contact is made and we allow ourselves – mostly our minds to slow to the patient levels of the trees we can begin the feel the peace trees exude. As I slow further I may merge my spirit with the spirit that the tree surrounds its body and we share a space together. In that space there are many non-verbal answers and somatic emotional states. One is a feeling of being grounded and connected to Earth; our shared home.
peace becomes evident and the love slows me down into a being state
As I continue to open my senses of touch, directionality, groundedness, sight and heart-centered emotion I feel embraced and accepted by my friend and friends – tree(s). Deeper – even before “the hug” there can be a singular song of a tree or a choir of song by a family of trees. The peace becomes evident and the love slows me down into a being state. I may temporarily slip out of ego into being and experience my place amongst the animals and trees in that local community of nature in which I have chosen to be a member. Ah such sweetness…
we can begin to become a co-equal member of a forest
I have made a bond with the Redwood species; and deciduous Sycamores and Maples both individually and as species. In these bonds I have asked the trees to hold spiritual or plasma energy for me. This is a technique for inner – spiritual work. Often, we receive an epiphany or a “high” when engaging in spiritual work there is an automatic tendency in us as humans to blow off the energy by “ego-talking” to others about our experiences. The use of accumulators becomes important in spiritual / inner work as a way to deposit some of our energy in a tree or group of trees. Later we can make a “withdrawal” on the “interest accrued” as long as we don’t withdraw all the energy we have “deposited” in the tree. It’s one way to stay silent about on-going inner work without blowing it off by talking with others about it. Another way to stay silent in addition to asking a tree to deposit or give energy to him/her/it is to make an agreement with oneself to pay attention to our breath instead of talking (and blowing off energy).
Its so easy to forget that trees are beings too
In asking a tree to participate in acting as an “accumulator” we can begin to become a co-equal member of a forest and /or woodland community. We become members of an ecological local community and remember our roots to help cultivate an intimate relationship with Earth on a local level. Its so easy to forget that trees are beings too and treat them as objects for use in a soulless society of use and waste that’s disconnected from the sacred.
Here is the beginning of reconnecting with the sacred inside us through a personal relationship with a tree or a community of trees in the context of a larger local community in which each member plays a part.
What a wondrous world to uncover and honor the sacred.
I am reminded of when I first cultivated a place for peace in my belly. Ridiculously enough it was when I danced with a vacuum cleaner in a house cleaning practice that grew as a front for spreading light and peace while removing chaos, disorganization and dirt.
I would ask myself:
“What is peace?” while doing aikido moves with a vacuum cleaner.
I won’t bore you with all the logical common-sense notions of peace that my recycled thoughts regurgitated into my overly crowded brain. Instead I will try to describe the feelings of peace that arose after my mind made-up the mundane answers for it. After all I was cultivating a place for peace in my belly, but what does this really mean?
I guess you could say that I was looking to find a personal meaning for peace without using words to describe it. And I was dancing with my vacuum cleaner which could be an obscure hint that my belly was merely a metaphorical place for the cultivation of peace. Before I completely lose you and go woo-woo, I was cultivating peace in my chi or 2nd chakra — the brain or center of the physical body or moving center.
Peace that doesn’t move stagnates and dies. I can’t tell you what feelings arose in me about peace in my belly / chi / brain of my physical body/ moving center because there were never any words to for these personal emotive sensations.
Years later a boss of mine said that peace is the positive flip-side of boredom. Imagine it. Imagine thousands of bored people, maybe slightly depressed who are nanoseconds away from the elation of peace. Like flipping a switch.
So, then, what is peace? But if one more person tells me that peace is the absence of war, well then, I might have to revert to sarcasm. Of course, it’s easier to describe war and conflict than it is to describe peace. War is a violent conflict where people use weapons to kill each other. Conflict is a disagreement. Peace arises from a kind of creative inactivity that is not observable from outward obvious phenomena.
Outward conflict may arise between two or more people that voice disagreement based on different perceptual stances. Conflict intensifies when the battle between “yes” and “no” is personalized, anger and rage become evident, rules may be broken, twisted, bent or narrowed to insist on an outcome favorable for an oppressor who currently holds more sway. In an intractable conflict between “yes” and “no” there is no middle ground — no peace.
This morning during a meditation while making a space within and feeling peace enter I thought of all those poor United States Senators in that impeachment trial in Washington DC. What if they had an opportunity to feel peaceful in that space of contentiousness? I decided to project myself to sit by one GOP Senator and emanate the peace that had been cultivated within me. I made an offering of peace to eight GOP Senators in total. Then I made an offer of the feelings of peace engendered in me to the entire body of Senators and others in the Senate chamber.
Could the spaciousness of peace provide relief in the midst of all that bipartisan contentiousness? When peace is allowed to enter into one’s consciousness, not by force but by choice, then options for resolution of conflict could more easily present themselves.
If you find it in your heart and feel peaceful please send your over-flowing peace consciousness as a gift to share with others in conflict. Will they accept the gift of peace and dwell in that peace a while? It’s a choice that I might make surrounded by Senators in conflict.
Ordinary waking consciousness emanates from ego and attachment. Ego – the “I” that is oneself is attached to everything. This is the way of the outer world. We forget about our “inner world” and come to believe that ego and attachment are all that is. In other words, ego, language and thought is caught up in attachment.
I’m sure you have heard or read that meditation is about quieting the mind. I can only write to the meditation that I know: Vipassanā Meditation or Insight Meditation. This kind of meditation works with the breath and helps to quiet the mind. It takes practice to quiet the mind as many who practice meditation already know.
The mind creates what is known as a stream of consciousness which includes all matter of attachments – thoughts, memories, ideas, fantasies and so on. Anyone who has daydreamed in a classroom, or in boring business meetings falls into the stream of consciousness. The stream is constantly flowing so that when we stop being present our attention falls into it and is taken away by the stream. The draw of the stream is one of attachment – a kind of addiction so common that it is not referred to as an addiction. We have accepted that attachment / addiction to thoughts, language, fantasies, identity, status and so on is all there is, so we never come to realize that all attachments are distractions that form a recycling whirlpool that eats itself. The distraction is one that leads away from peace and happiness. On a deeper level attachment is the distraction from oneness with all beings.
On my first Vipassanā Meditation retreat over 35 years ago the facilitator, Bhante aka the Venerable Dharmawara Mathahera, a 92-year-old Cambodian Buddhist monk sent us to meditate on our own. We had spent four days in group meditation.
It was a muggy and overcast day. I spread my blanket on the ground and sat. I began to notice my breath, in and out. Flies landed on my bare skin, tickling the hairs of my arms, and I laughed aloud. Mosquitoes landed on me and did not bite me. Deeper into the meditation, with my eyes closed, I felt presences near me. I opened my eyes a slit and saw a squirrel, a rabbit and a skunk sitting in a semicircle in front of me. My thought was, “this is normal.” I continued to meditate.
When it was done I felt at peace with the world.
The Current World
The world of attachment is filled with divisiveness and antagonistic rivalries; as you may have noticed. This is to be expected in the cycle of history we find ourselves within.
According to the scholar – Bidhu Dev Misra we are near the end of the Ascending Kali Yuga. It’s ends in 2025 and is followed by a 300-year transition period before the Ascending Dwapara Yuga begins (seen End Notes for more information about the Yugas).
Kali is the goddess/god of destruction – a phoenix that destroys itself to rise from the ashes. Opposite the 6,000 years of the Descending and Ascending Kali Yugas are the 6,000 years of the Satya Yugas – an age of oneness where there is no ego, no religion, no money… only peace, harmony and oneness.
Characteristic of the age of destruction is both a fear of “the end” as characterized by rabid divisive thoughts and actions as a way to obliterate the end by hanging on to a short-term power, a short-term quarterly dividend – in short, the greed and lust for power. Ego, attachment and thinking are in a whirlpool of oppositional thinking that seeks its own destruction. This might be funny except for a denial and resistance to the existential threat of the climate crisis.
The Inner World
Through Vipassanā Meditation a quieting of the mind can begin to manifest. Ego is surrendered in the moment and attachment is sometimes released in the space between an inhalation of breath and its exhalation. A regular practice of meditation can allow the ego to float and attachment’s roots to be loosened.
A wondrous aspect of the inner world is revealed as ego and attachment are released. A profound peace and simple happiness become apparent. Thought clears, consciousness expands, and time ceases to exist.
This “world” beyond ego and attachment is the beginning of the continuum of enlightenment. It lasts all too briefly as the worlds of ego, linear time and attachment come into claim the vestiges of enlightenment scantily clad through memory.
The Current World as seen from the Inner World
By freeing ourselves from time and attachment, the world of the Kali Yuga – the current world becomes evident. All thought in this epoch arises from attachment and as a result is not original thought. Attached thoughts swirl from a stream (as in the stream of consciousness) into a whirlpool (or black hole) to obliterate thought for the increasing enslavement of humankind.
There is no “we”. All are separate, divided into smaller camps of “us” and “them” living in the houses of anger, rage, hatred, envy and greed as reflected in:
statistical studies measuring a nation divided as much as in the times of the US Civil War,
science and technology as in reducing to understand, and
predatory capitalism as in dividing goods and services into smaller amounts – conquering and destroying smaller businesses in favor of the most profit, the most money and the least or no taxes.
Thought and action is divided into the dyad of good versus evil, right versus wrong and so on with no middle ground of reconciliation, governance and/or compromise.
The action of the dyad is choking itself and headed towards self-destruction characteristic of the Kali Yuga time cycle.
If we are to survive climate crisis as a species then as individuals we could choose:
Beginning the day with a 30 to 50-minute mediation.
Using the meditation as an anchor throughout the day to remind us to choose kindness, compassion and right (no-acting out) anger to right wrongs for the good of all.
Political Actions whether that be donating / volunteering time, money as a protest against excluding people from equal participation in a democratic process
Due to the enormous amounts of money contributed by billionaires and corporations to co-op the government (US) we as a people must take back our government to save it from dictatorial types and re-establish a democracy.
This can be done from a compassion stance where neutral ground can be established – once again – to govern as opposed to rule.
Trying to explain consciousness from a neurobiological frame is one of reductionistic directionality. This discipline and ordinary thought looks to the brain as the seat of consciousness. A human perspective quite naturally seeks to reduce in order to explain and this is natural from the ego perspective. Ego and its physical counterpart – the brain is viewed as the center of consciousness just as it was once thought that Earth was the center of the solar system – all planets and the Sun revolved around Earth.
Language reflects and channels the desire to reduce to explain. Our basic language structure is based on concepts of nouns or subjects / objects and verbs or actions. Every sentence has a beginning, middle and end denoting linear space-time. In short language works with separateness and togetherness in a dialectic frame. It’s difficult to think of a whole without the frame of its opposite the parts. In other words, we most often think of ourselves and the world outside ourselves as separate in order to establish an identity. Identity is based on a dyad or the “me” and the “not me”. Dualistic thinking creates separateness within the larger consciousness. However, from a perspective of Oneness consciousness is everywhere and permeates everything and the spaces between everything, and therein lies the rub [see end note 1]. Consciousness is space-time. It’s impossible to grasp this from an ego or ordinary level of consciousness. This concept of consciousness is bigger than any concept. To begin to understand the locus of consciousness we must surrender to mystery.
Human Life as a Transceiver
The human brain is a transceiver of consciousness. We receive and process information from a larger vibration gestalt. We send information within our brains and outside ourselves to our perceived reality to grow within the gestalt. Sometimes we are able to transcend the boundaries of the gestalt beyond the epoch in which we find ourselves within.
Think larger / bigger:
Suppose you thought of yourself as a consciousness with a multiple-lives in which to express yourself and grow over millennium. The body you’re wearing now along with an ego shaped to fit the current world is only a costume that your spirit is using to grow and increase your level of consciousness as well as a Larger Consciousness belonging to all. Of course, my view point expresses the larger in terms of a separateness / oneness duality because this is where my ego sits [See end note 2].
This life over many millions of years and across many worlds is a linear space-time conception of an evolving consciousness growing towards transcendental enlightenment. However, when we come from the present – an extremely large expanded present moment that includes all of space-time, then past and future lives are happening simultaneously and we are accessing them as needed for our evolution into higher consciousness. These two viewpoints are ways of looking at reality, the latter being more easily understood because it corresponds with a linear space-time. The second proposition is more difficult to comprehend because we are unfamiliar with “remembering a future”.
Epochal Time Cycles
When we factor in a spiraling method of conscious evolution with various cosmologies such as the Mayan, Hopi, Aztec or the Yugas (from Veda texts) then time repeats itself in an effort of inclusiveness to bring everyone to the doorstep of higher consciousness.
Yuga Time Cycles appear below under corrected mathematical computations. Tradition Yuga representations and updated Yuga time cycles is annotated in the notes. Each of the Ascending and Descending Yugas is 2,700 years long with a 300-year transition or cusp period between each Yuga – at the beginning and end of each Yuga [see end note 3]:
The Ascending and Descending Satya Yugas – 3,000 including the 300-year transitional period or cusp years each or 6,000 years combined. These two Yugas are the top of the evolutionary cycle. The Ascending Satya Yuga began in 15676 BC, the transition period began in 12976 BC and the Descending Satya Yuga began in 12676 BC
The Descending Treta Yuga follows the Satya Yuga in its descent cycle plus transition/cusp years beginning at 9676 BC and 300 years.
The Descending Dwapara Yuga follows the Treta Yuga in its descent cycle plus transition/cusp years beginning at 6676 BC and 300 years.
The Descending Kali Yuga follows the Dwapara Yuga in its descent cycle plus transition/cusp years are at the bottom of the cycle beginning on 3676 BC and 300 years. The Ascending Kali Yuga begins at 676 BC and ends 2025 CE followed by 300 years of transition;
The Ascending Dwapara Yuga follows the Ascending Kali Yuga on 2325 CE followed by 300 years transition / cusp
The Ascending Treta Yuga follows the Ascending Dwapara Yuga beginning on 2325 CE ending in 5025 CE followed by 300 years transition / cusp
The cycle begins again with the Ascending Satya Yugas in 5325 CE. The cycle doesn’t start over from the old beginning; it goes in an upward cycle in increments. When we add Spirit Ages to the cycles from Baby or Infant Spirits to The Oldest of souls (Spirit Ages) then cycles become much more complex [see end note 4].
At the levels of the Satya Yugas there is no government, no crime, no money, no ownership of property, men, women and peoples of all genders are equal. The planet operates from a place of oneness whose chief emotions are kindness, compassion and love.
Vegetables, fruits and nuts in the most abundant variations can be picked from plants and trees and eaten. There is no need for the preparation of food or the cooking of foods. Emotions, thoughts and bodily sensations are able to be completed because they arise from a state of oneness and reflect the oneness back to itself so that individuals can leave the Yuga cycle all together and attain transcendent enlightenment without the need for the death of the body and instead be eaten by light.
Choice, decision and will are free, meaning that they are not based on systems of divisiveness or dysfunction (as it is now) so all acts spring from a creative consciousness that permeates all beings. [We often think of beings as biological but in this frame all that is non-biological are also beings.] The persons making acts of choice, decision or will do so from a creative place based on nothing. Negative emotions may exist and are expressed without judgement, blame or projection; they are expressed by persons in a way where responsibility is assumed within the expression and not acted-out as it may be in the world we know now.
Empathy is the norm and telepathy flourishes.
In each of the other Yugas; Treta, Dwapara and Kali, separation from the oneness is experienced with greater frequency. The Kali Yuga is the opposite of the Satya Yuga. Kali is the female / male goddess / god of death and destruction. In the Kali cycle negative emotions are expressed negativity. They enter into the consciousness at large and are manifested in lower planetary vibrational locales as death by violence, murder and wars. People do not take responsibility for themselves or one another through the ways of compassion and love. They see themselves as separate. Their systems of government, hierarchies of social organization, education, money, commerce, science, religion are based on fears, separateness, oppression and objectification. Its peoples are identified or attached to the outer world of appearances and they have ignored the inner world that is connected to Spirit (spirit that is linked in all beings).
While there is a possibility of free will in a Kali Yuga cycle it is highly unlikely that true freedom will be achieved for the majority of the people. Vague trace memories of the Satya Yuga exist and are translated into illusory states of being where separateness and oneness are believed to exist harmoniously, but from a state of separateness. This creates a fragmented existence where ego reigns supreme and madness (mental illness) abounds out of which violence, war, death and destruction happen continuously. The longevity of life in the Satya Yugas are drastically shortened in the Kali Yugas.
Secret or hidden knowing (different from knowledge gleaned from books and non-Masters often called secondary sources) is passed down through each epoch through an oral tradition replete within indigenous cultures and in the Master-Student relationship. It is through initiation rites of passage and/or within Master-student relationships where elements of the Satya Yuga or transcendent enlightenment may be worked towards and achieved by older souls (Older Spirit Ages).
The Kali Yuga Opportunity
Many people who have inhabited all the epochs from Satya to Kali Yugas feel blessed to have reincarnated to this current cycle of the Ascending Kali Yuga and its cusp or transitionary period. Those born between 1931 and the present may be part of the movement between epochs, change agents reincarnated from the any one of the last transformational times of:
12676 BC beginning of the Descending Satya Yuga
9676 BC beginning of the Descending Treta Yuga
6676 BC beginning of the Descending Dwapara Yuga
3676 BC beginning of the Descending Kali Yuga and
976 BC to the end of the Ascending Kali Yuga 6 years from now
2025 CE beginning of the cusp period before the Ascending Dwapara Yuga (300 years)
When a summer solstice occurs, there is a cusp period on either side of the change where daylight is increasing by only seconds leading up to the change and is decreasing only by seconds after the change. The 300 year cusp or transition between Yugas is analogous.
The opportunity for individual spiritual growth and the growth of Cosmic Consciousness is greater in the face of this kind of adversity. Working with releasing attachment and identification helps to create energy and the transformation of suffering into energy /light.
More later on the transformation of suffering into light…
The locus of consciousness is the energy that is everywhere. The human brain is a transceiver of consciousness both in building new neural pathways within the physical structures of the brain and body while sending mediated communications to other humans. We receive information from the multiverse and send variations of the information to other humans.
The nature of how our transceiver brains operates is dependent on the vibration of the current epoch of time. The Descending and Ascending Kali Yugas are kind of death that is happening to the human species. We – as a species – are separate from ourselves focused on happiness based on achievement along a linear time line. We have forgotten that we are beings of light wearing the costume of this era. The focus of the Kali Yuga is separation from our divinity. The light is us – resides at our central core – transcends all nationalities, religions, race, gender, economic and social hierarchies and so on… But our focus has been on our differences. The nature of thought which is – for the most part recycled based on separation and divisiveness is not original thought.
The good news is that many of us are awakening to the light within us, quieting our minds from the stream of consciousness that belongs to the Kali Yuga of garbage-in and garbage-out to make sacred space within us to access a kind of consciousness based on nothingness. When the mind is freed of the garbage of our continuous stream of consciousness there is the miracle of creativity arising that emerges from the seeming nothingness.
A walk in the forest assists us in clearing the recycled thinking we carry with us always. Sitting meditation and its practice in daily life is one way our essential self (the light) can break through ego into a world we co-create.
In quantum realities there is no space between objects that isn’t already connected via electromagnetic energy, light (photons), atoms, sub-atomic particles, quantum phenomena, gravity, or by some other force. The “space” between our out-spread arms for example is packed with sub-atomic particles and energies which can be perceived as particles or waves depending how our point-of-view. We are both observers and participants in the quantum world implied from an ego perspective where we co-create reality within an infinite consciousness and/or multiverse. This all pervasive and inclusive phenomena is a cosmic consciousness that is reflected into human beings and realized by them in smaller or larger frames.
How do I know this – or How have I come to know this? I have passed through initiation cycles. I have been and am in Master-Student relationships. Full-bodied experiences of body, mind and emotion (or 3rd eye – thought, heart chakra – emotion / love and 2nd chakra or chi – the locus of the brain of the physical body) all combined as well as a proclivity based on a rent in time/space when I was four years old where I was exposed to inter- and multi-dimensional worlds. Much later in life I gained access to the worlds outside time. Early wounding is only one possible way of gaining access to the “other” worlds. The quest for truth and a drive towards discovering destiny creates pathways to initiation and developing skills from talents. Science is scarcely catching up to those with “knowing”.
Most people familiar with reincarnation and the age of spirits within a lifetime refer to infant/ baby, young, mature and old spirits as souls. While for the sake of familiarity I have included both soul and spirit interchangeably. Most people believe they have souls. However, the majority of people on the planet save for some Masters and Bodhisattvas do not have completed souls. We have temporary light bodies. When our physical bodies pass – die, the light we carry within us, our temporary light bodies are deposited into the soul body. When the soul’s body is filled with enough light we have free choice. We are free to release ourselves from the wheel of reincarnation or voluntarily return to planet earth as an old soul. Old souls can choose any path; however, all choices arise from love, compassion and a service to humanity to relieve suffering and a greater possibility for transcendental enlightenment for the individual and for all.
Having extricated myself from the river of grief (and now on a boat floating on it)* I’ve also noticed its smudge is everywhere. Having done a small bit of work on my relationship to grief I see it now as slightly separate from me. There are few people who are completely free of grief’s smudge, though through denial we like to think that we are. It’s only those who are working on being present that may have overcome grief’s longer-term effects.
In the hierarchical epoch of the patriarchy everyone is in a state of grief or loss
Many become fully immersed in the river of grief and never fully release it, but think that we have done so. It’s more likely that we live it’s smudge without knowing its stuck or smeared on us and we carry it with us everywhere. We’ve resigned ourselves to it, accepted it and cognitively reframed grief as a fact of life to assist in our survival.
In the hierarchical epoch of the patriarchy everyone is in a state of grief or loss throughout the life span. Only those who have achieved a modicum of mastery or a state of transcendental enlightenment may have overcome the savagery of grief’s toll.
Symptoms from the smudge of grief:
Longing for / romanticizing the old days and angry about current life in juxtaposition to the old days. Anger becomes a way of life possibly oscillating between grief (sadness), fear and anger. Attachment to the old romanticized “past” to the point of putting the brakes on politically and a desire to return to the promise of simpler times.
Giving up or trading in on simple happiness in the present for a perfectionist idealized past or future.
Addicted to a substance outside ourselves (not drugs or alcohol per se) that we believe will make us happy and feel secure (more money, better job, etc.). Existential addiction is about filling a hole inside us that has grief as one of its contributing emotions.
Rationalizing and compartmentalization of grief experiences. We often unconsciously model our expressions of grief based on our parents’ behaviors, attitudes and beliefs. The greater the intellectualization / fearfulness of “weaker” emotion states such as vulnerable emotion states – crying when sad, or frustrated then the more shame and constriction may become part of the grief process often truncating the process.
We often have expectations that the stages of grief happen “in-order” one time and “we’re done” with this.
I’ve seen many people in mid-life 40s to 60s (possibly younger) where grief is interrupted – a person shuts down their grief process and gives up on their inner world collapsing into their parents’ belief systems partially or whole-heartedly. It is at this time that they begin to romanticize their past and adopt old-world belief systems to cope with change.
For the people that allow for grief or any emotion such as love or joy to come and go they have loosened their attachment to past and present experiences and can face the fear of change in a less rigid fashion. However due to our ego we are all subject to attachments that grief and/or loss creates to one degree or another.
Loss is an intrinsic part of our lives.
Grief is closely allied with attachment. The very nature of being human is an identification to an idea, a person, a relationship – in short to the “stuff” of life. Attachment is the foundation of identity and memory is its tool. Attachment is at the root of unnecessary suffering. The greater the attachment to a person, wife/husband/partner, a child/son/daughter, a family, a community; a job, to an idea, to a belief and so on the more grief surrounds the loss. As humans we are all programmed to avoid feelings of loss to one degree or another based on our identity and beliefs.
Humans cannot bear loss.
Loss is an intrinsic part of our lives. Some loss we choose, such as quitting a job or relocating, this doesn’t seem so bad because we feel in control of the nature of the loss. Nevertheless, we still feel it. Deciding to move out of a relationship and although this is a loss we control it can break our heart. Other losses go deeper. The loss of a loved one through death is one that immediately comes to mind. When we experience early childhood trauma such as mental, physical, spiritual and/or sexual abuse by a parent or relatives perhaps this is the most pernicious grief of all. A parent with whom we feel love perpetuates an act of sexual abuse or worse. There is the love and there’s the violation, the confusion and the grief. This is loss and grief based on intimate attachments.
Loss and grief have become systemic in an increasingly divisive world of the hierarchical system of the patriarchy. In this kind of world there are winners and losers. The winners appear to be the super-rich and the powerful who sometimes even without knowing it oppress those without money and/or power. Many are driven to become winners through achievement and there is nothing wrong with this. It becomes insular and selfish when “others” who may be termed as losers through attributes of laziness, stupidity and are therefore cast out of the privileges of the winner-loser competition. Those deemed to be unworthy of playing the winner loser game are the invisible people, the poor, the people in prison, the homeless, women, minorities, immigrants, the list goes on; under the heel of racism, sexism, ageism, leftism for example. The class system in the USA has always been apparent to those left out. The struggling middle-classes bear the brunt of the heel of oppression by the rich by accepting less wage parity, while clinging to the myth of “work hard and you’ll succeed”. The winners are also losers because of attachment to and /or the addiction in this situation because of the need for more power, more money, more fame. There is never enough. Slavery to “more” makes the so-called winners, losers on an endless wheel of acquiring “more”.
our birthright is happiness and enlightenment
Humans cannot bear loss. Addiction is a prime example of how loss is unbearable. When therapies focus on what’s in the way of a healthy lifestyle in order to assist with healing an addiction this leads to an inevitable confrontation with loss. Looking at loss in this way is emotionally overwhelming. Healing the addictive process through a focus on obstacles fails. We can’t bear loss. This spans the gambit between addictive substances and relationships. In order to confront loss and the grief we feel from loss, we must replace the loss with something positive. When we focus on the positive replacement of the loss in present time then loss can be slowly ameliorated.
For example: I chose to breath cleaner air when I weaned my way off of smoking cigarettes. The clutching, grabbing neediness in me began to fade. It’s been 37 years since I chose to breathe cleaner air instead of inhaling smoke from cigarettes. That was easy compared to the heartbreaking work of releasing grief from the wounds of incest.
Underneath loss and grief is love. Love holds all other emotions. I also remember the words of Malidoma Somē – grief is the most common human emotion.
Attachment can only be released for a very short time.
Grief is the most common emotion because our lives appear to be about loss. As children of Western Civilization, we a trained to look outside ourselves for happiness. Even in the US The Declaration of Independence we are encouraged to push for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We don’t necessarily see that our birthright is happiness and enlightenment and that we are peeling away the illusion that prevent us from feeling it. We assume that feelings of fulfillment, peace and enlightenment are “over there” to pursue.
Corporal life is temporary, life of spirit transcends death. There is small love and big love, neither of which can be compared with the other. Small love may feel big when we have a partner with whom we are bonded and they pass away, cheat, or betray us and/or themselves. Big love will always hold a connection with one that has passed that seemingly impenetrable boundary of death. The longing may be excruciating and unbearable, staying present and reaching out to friends and professionals for help is one step in staying present. It’s not the only path.
Emotional maturity (EM) can be characterized as being able to hold contradictory emotions in awareness without a strong attachment to either emotional state and feel okay or neutral about our self. Cultivating a witness self leads to emotional maturity through suspending judgement and observing ourselves and our behaviors.
Attachment can only be released for a very short time. When we think or say “I” ego returns to claim an experience that the witness has observed. That is not a bad thing it is only the way of attachment. The witness may observe our being feeling grief and joy simultaneously. This is a paradox to be sure.
In my late 30s I experienced an epiphany. I transformed my life because I surrendered into it. There was a lot of work before that preceded that opening. Up to that point my life was analogous to the life of a flower. A sprout pushed its way up through the soil, stems and leaves unfurled and buds formed straining to open. When the bud burst open resounding at long last to the light a transformation occurred filled with joy and the relief of surrender into a greater multiverse.
This epiphany allowed a choice point: continue to follow the whims of ego, in other words pursue the momentary desires, interests, likes or dislikes or accept destiny. I chose to surrender into the undiscovered country of a strange inter and multi-dimensional universe of great depth and wonder; into the rarely glimpsed book of destiny. It required patience. It required a path to healing of my core being.
The next step in this journey was the “accidental” uncovering of horrendous wounds of early childhood. There was an intense obsessional compulsion to know everything that had happened back then. The world of PTSD, flashbacks, body memories, blackouts, freeze-frames of trauma intruding into what I ordinarily expected as my contiguous life that did not (does not) have the same connectedness of ordinary memories because love was shattered. Diving deeply into it with the tools of spiritual practices, therapeutic techniques of hypnotherapy, EMDR, emotional release and reintegration as well as “traveling” into the past utilizing shamanic practices only works to a degree before traumatization reoccurs. My desire to know everything about the trauma in the way I’ve remembered my ordinary life never happened. I felt disappointed and I was also relieved once I accepted the different paths within myself.
My friends didn’t want to hear about my traumatic past and began to shun me so I contained the bleeding and confined my explorations with my therapist for a time. Other healers and seers saw clearly into my woundedness but I did not see as clearly as they were experiencing me. I had reached a plateau and I decided to shelve the wounded experiences and only focus on what was presented in the moment and not dig for stuff.
I had remained clean and sober from pot for 19 years (1985 to 2004) when I slipped with my much younger partner. The only insight that I was afforded was that in 1985 and the times before pot served to fragment my already fragmented self. In 2004 I saw that the fragmented parts of myself and though still fragmented were held together cohesively by me congealed with my attention and care.
From 1991 when the first memories of trauma began revealing themselves to 2001 I worked intensely on myself and then reached a plateau (’01 was the year my therapist retired).
Earlier this year there was a shift in my physical body and I began to open myself for a change. The universe provided an opportunity presented to me from my spiritual soul partner, colleague and mentor. When she presented me with the opportunity I had been waiting for it took only moments to accept.
She offered a homeopathic formula to help bring buried and stuck grief to the surface for processing. It has been a difficult and immensely rewarding process so far. Of the people I have shared some of this process with have misunderstood the position I take within the flow of emotions.
Maladoma Somē (see end notes) reported that grief is the most common emotion that all humans share. Grief is the process when it is not resisted or prematurely stopped via cognitive processes of compartmentalization and the subsequent emotions of judgement, self-criticism or condemnation on the one hand and stoic determination, anger and rational suppression or repression of grief into a lifestyle of condemning the self and / or others on the other can be released to then convey what is underneath.
When I began taking the formula it was in the evening when I first began — result: I slept for three hours and was awake working on a path to exposing the grief as the emotional connective tissue to the wounds. Release the grief and the horrendous memories shift and become multifaceted revealing the blessings while releasing my attachment to the intensities of the horror.
There was something blocking the work, something in the back of my neck on my left side that was the part of blockage or resistance. Something I could not see clearly enough to find and remove. I called out for help. Help arrived in the person that I once was in my most previous past life: a Polish Jew working for The Resistance and constantly hiding from the Nazis. He was trained as an engraver and was employed by the Polish Mint. He pulled something out of my neck which was simultaneously released from his neck in the same area. It went back to source where it disintegrated into ash.
The next morning, I was looking at a friend’s Facebook post when all my chakras opened and a profound compassion, love and understanding poured out of me to him (not that he necessarily needed it). I was surprised that this open feeling of compassion continued to branch out to many more who may have needed it to feel included since compassion is an emotion of inclusion. (The funny thing is that the content of his post was not of a personal nature at least on the surface and remembering the content was not important.)
Though some of the subsequent work of releasing grief has been filled with anguish and intense physical pain — such as a lava-like substance that was hot and filled with the bile of anger and hatred flowed out of the joints of my left hand and fingers. So far, the arthritic pain that has felt trapped in my body has decreased by as much as fifty percent.
These pockets of grief within me are spread like butter over toast throughout my body, persona and into the depths of me. The emotion is not me as it once was when I had first uncovered the trauma. I am above the feelings of grief and not immersed in them as I once was in the beginning.
I debated about putting this account due to its highly personal nature. I meditated on what to do and have decided to enter it here. In the midst of the on-going grieving process I discovered that part of my mother’s being was trapped in my body. It was only when I freed her did I realize that part of her had merged with me when I was a baby.
The “Ah-ha” moment arrived.
My mother was a difficult parent to live around. My sister concurred that she had been very critical towards both of us; very true. She was never happy with either of us.
My mom had poor boundaries with me and later as an adult I chose to establish and maintain better boundaries with her. She would burst into my bedroom door without ever knocking. She did what she called: “snooping” in my closet rifling through my stuff. I asked my dad if I could have a lock on my door. Before I could tell him why he said “no,” and walked away. In order to have privacy I took long 4-hour baths locked in one of our two bathrooms on a Saturday night. I took to burying time capsules in the backyard where I knew she would never look to have private secret things — for my eyes only. She wanted me to take French in High School so I could speak romantic French phrases to her. I failed French in my passive-aggressive style so I wouldn’t have to do it. And the list of behaviors bordering on the inappropriate and at times crossing the line went on.
My mother passed in March of 2015 from dementia. I had very little contact with her after the death of her body. My father had contacted me many times after his death.
In a session that lasted half the night I was able to extricate my mom’s spirit from my body and keep her from coming back in. She greeted me five or six times after I had freed her in her child-like manner and appeared to have said thank-you without actually coming out and saying it.
It was a relief to reclaim my body as my own and to begin to have a relationship with my mother as an individual to an individual, which continues to evolve.
I am not the grief and conversely, I am not the joy. I sometimes feel grief and I sometimes feel joy as well as all the emotions of the rainbow and the darker shadow.
Malidoma Somē author Of Water and Spirit. The author came to our community to speak about his book, drum at our community center. At one point he looked out at all of us and said:
“I see that many of you you have been initiated many times
but because there was no community to support and accept your initiation
I awoke letting the convoluted dreams from sleep dissolve without pressing my intellect for possible meanings.
A short time later I began breakfast preparations. I felt the warm swathe of sunshine permeate my small abode – across the kitchen floor and into the bedroom. I gazed at the off-white stone tiled floor and felt a profound peace and happiness in the smallest of details.
I smiled to myself and thought / felt:
I am here.
My heart is full.
Happiness in the stillness of
A morning in sunlight.
It wasn’t an “overnight success”. It took 15 years to live, skirting a mess of miserable emotions; 6 months to jockey for position; 3 months of letting go of everything including my life in preparation for the death of my body* and 6 days of resurrection into that which continues to unfold.
During the 15 years I wasn’t such a dire mess as described above. I was floating in a boat in a becalmed ocean of slime feeding on the fleeting happiness of rarefied airs. In other words, I was an expert at compartmentalization and was kept alive on the higher aspects of my work. Intellectually its difficult to fathom how excruciating physical pain was (is) held in place by unresolved – stuck grief. Emotionally easy.
*I had to die to be reborn. This was not suicide, but it was a relinquishing of everything without hope of a solution,