Update: Trump(if nominated) will win 2020 elections and will not be impeached

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In December, 2017  I predicted that the Trump impeachment hearings would begin in August of 2018.

In May 2018 I saw impeachment hearing beginning in June of 2019. Now I see that further hearings and investigations will be needed after the Mueller investigation is completed to convicted Trump of any crimes. In all likelihood as it stands now with a shattered Democratic Party, Trump is likely to win in 2020, unfortunately.

This will be updated.

UPDATED: Trump may not be nominated by the Republicans in 2020

 

 

Will Capitalism (and Greed) Kill All Human Life?

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The short answer is yes

To Start

The short answer is yes and the United States is leading the charge. Capitalism in its current state drives Climate Change and is facilitating the destruction of the human species in what many have called the last great extinction event.

the human species is driving itself to extinction

Capitalism in its most current incarnation creates increased surplus population, treats natural resources as unlimited raw materials / things, divides the world into makers and takers which in-turn destroys communities and glorifies every individual for themselves, deifies greed, money and power, focuses on quarterly profits, drives moneyed economies at the expense of real growth for all and the destruction of the planet for humans and thousands of other species.

I’m not an economist and it doesn’t take an economist to see that the human species is driving itself to extinction. This is common sense. In order for the system to work there must be a variety of extraneous factors that do not contribute to growth GNP.

Short term / quarterly greed-based profits fuels short shortsightedness of the future of humans on planet Earth

Surplus Population

Surplus population does not contribute to capitalism. They are excluded from the statistics of the economy and by design they only matter in two ways: the population excess must be excluded for the capitalistic engine to work and the surplus population can be blamed when capitalism appears to fail.

Surplus Populations:

  1. Students
  2. The incarcerated and prisoners (in the prison system)
  3. Pregnant mothers and stay-at-home mothers
  4. Children
  5. Soldiers
  6. Unemployed
  7. Non-employed
  8. Severely addicted to drugs and / or alcohol
  9. Hospitalized (short term) Mentally Ill
  10. Long term incarcerated mentally ill
  11. Homeless
  12. Disabled
  13. Short and long term medically hospitalized
  14. Illegal Immigrants – both seasonally employed or unemployed and unemployable

There are transient members of the surplus groups: higher education, pregnant mothers, short term unemployed, children that become adults and get jobs, soldiers re-entering the job market and prisoners being released from prison that get jobs (far more prisoners are there for life-sentences sometimes for non-violent crime).

 

The Drivers of Capitalism

  • All those who have jobs
  • Managers
  • CEOs
  • Wall Street
  • Investors that make money from investing in businesses
  • Investors that make money from investing in money

Capitalism and the reductionism of science does not take into account the sacredness of life

The Hidden Assumptions of Capitalism

Short term / quarterly greed-based profits fuels short shortsightedness of the future of humans on planet Earth. Capitalism does not consider raw materials in its equation for profits because raw materials are things that are considered to be in an unlimited supply. Petroleum is sought after through fracking for instance, which is not a cost-effective extraction method for finding oil as well as the damage to land and the poisoning of water supplies. Because profit margins are short sighted/ based on quarterly profits this mindset is applied to the extraction of raw materials from the planet by whatever means necessary. The reverse is also true products are applied to agriculture to speed the harvest that may cause unforeseen health risks and damage to the soil. Health risks are good for the medical and pharmaceutical industries. Damage to the soil may be augmented by more products to enhance the productivity of the soil but may not address the health of the soil and so on. The short-term growth is considered of primary importance so profit is maximized over a short period of time like an addictive high.

 

Capitalism and the reductionism of science does not take into account the sacredness of life especially the life of the planet and her minerals, ores, soil, trees, animals, plants, oceans and landmasses. Capitalism uses science to augment profit especially short-term profit fueled by unbridled greed to destroy our future especially in the face of climate change.

For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

Empathic Process and Beyond

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On this precipice of transformation the world seems entrenched in romanticizations of the past, which is producing unnecessary injustices pain and suffering beyond the pale of the ordinary.

as an empath I feel their pain

 Survival is an interesting balancing act between feeling deep anguish,pain and suffering and a retreat into rationalizations and /or other protections of the mind. The danger of a continuous retreat into the mind is a numbing of emotion. Too much emotional distress that is left unprocessed leads to overwhelm and shock, suppression recycling unconscious processes that have alternating anxiety, fear, anger and /or depressive moods to name a few a part of the emotional strategies of coping albeit unbalanced.

something happens that seems like divine intervention

When I work with people who are in pain I acknowledge their pain, its truth and being and as an empath I feel their pain. It pushes up against the pain I have felt in my life and allows me to identify and bear witness to their pain and mine. Merely by bearing witness with an open heart, suspending judgment sometime something happens that seems like divine intervention. Their pain is slowly allowed to release a little in the moment. It doesn’t mean that the pain won’t return it just means that if I hold a respectful loving and compassionate space for someone without expecting any result the pain sometimes leaves. This is miraculous. It seems divine because it has to do with a force that is invisible in our lives – the neutral space, the place of the witness.From the witness the higher vibrations of love and compassion flows through me and amazes me because – although it seems a part of me it belongs to a greater oneness that is part of the essence, core or divine self. From many years of healing work it has become easier to release judgment and accept another person’s reality completely. This has been a gift (from the mystery of the Divine).

The Divine enters and is both me and not me

Surrendering ego is the push that keeps a boundary in place that may as well be a wall and that is extraordinarily difficult to release until it isn’t. In that moment when the “I” is released all compassion, love and/or the divine that is all round as it has always been. I have kept it out, me the ego. The release of ego is so simple in the act. Getting to the place of release, of surrender, of sacrifice is gut-wrenchingly arduous. The release is sweetness and freeing.

the light of relief is experienced in all its innocence

In that momentary place of release and holding space the healing empathic forces come into play. They come through me when I step out of the way in the moment.

The Divine enters and is both me and not me, is a child of mirth and wild play; and that which is greater acting through me. Still the ego in me would like to lift the suffering from the one who is with me. I, the ego, realizes this is a disservice to the person in front of me who is suffering. I have come to see that by holding sacred space and allowing the person’s pain and suffering to run its course that they are learning a new grace and wisdom of unwinding karma and releasing their pain. I feel privileged that I can witness a birth within another as suffering and pain go and the light of relief is experienced in all its innocence.

This is one gift of the empath.

For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

The Perils of Greater Visibility

seamless invisibility

In the 1990s I became locally well known in Marin County California due to offering intuitive readings at the New Leaf Bookstore in Larkspur. I had always considered myself a private person until that point so I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.

Groupies:

The original term came from rock stars that had followers of young woman worshipers who wanted sex. However due to more people entering a greater degree of visibility and/or becoming leaders their“followers” project what they want to see on their leader and then fall for the projections. This is a more accurate definition of groupie psychology. The newly visible person whether a blogger with thousands of followers, a tech entrepreneur, a socially responsible business executive, sustainable green company CEO, or an author with a small following these people attract golden and dark shadow projections from their admirers and / or followers.

At first golden projections put one on a pedestal like a goddess or god. The Divine don’t make mistakes, but humans do. I was treated like a god / holy person by a household of adoring women. A woman asked for a private phone session and I let her know about my 24-hour cancellation policy. She did not keep the appointment, said something else came up and that I had never told her about cancellation policy. I displayed restrained irritability and was barred from this household and was treated as less than human. I went from a holy person to untouchable when they experienced a negative emotion from me.

I quickly recognized the golden projections of others and reminded people I was just as imperfect as they were and did not deserve the degree of praise given. Of course some praise was humble and genuine and I accepted that gracefully. I made some errors in judgments and was stalked three times, all of which were corrected by me and made right.

Projections and Darker Attacks

In my healing practice now I deal with the groupie worship that my clients experience. The greatest challenges are interdimensional attacks that come in a wide array of forms from projections to darker elements. If you are experiencing projections and / or attacks there are ways to recognize the kind of attack and work on healing, defending against future attacks or getting help.

Empathic Protection

For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

Blessings

EssenceFlameEternal
Essence of Light Within

From “Forever Young” by Bob Dylan

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you…

“God, what am I suppose to do with my life?”

was the question I asked myself before going to bed on a Monday night on February 5, 1990

loveflameEternity
Light as seen by Others

The answer led me to a life that while there was previously undeveloped and unfolded into a life of grace and blessings.

We forget that within the core of each individual is being

One of the greatest gifts or blessings in my life has been and continues to be is an ability to “see”.  I have “seen” others to the depths of their beings and they have all been beautiful.

In my interdimensional healing practice of nearly 30 years I have been blessed to see and embrace other peoples’ realities. My heart is full with that privilege of this life that has been afforded me.

In the beginning I did readings and embraced others’ realities. Then I began to work with helping others heal the blocks that stood (stand) in the way of their own light and embraced their realities.

the love is boundless

We all long to be seen, accepted and know that our presence has been acknowledged. We are hungry for that connection and may do all sorts of things distracting us from feeling that connection while thinking its out there somewhere. We see behaviors and attributes that we don’t like, loathe, hate and judge in the other. We discount and judge ourselves. We forget that the actions and attributes of the other person are surface waters and not who they are. We do not see people for who they are because we are so concerned with judging, criticizing and berating ourselves and maybe others. We forget that within the core of each individual is being.

loveflameEternity-copy2

When we are quiet enough to experience being in another we can experience being in ourselves. Then the love is boundless.

 


For further reading: The Calling

For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

Home Remedies: Mind with Matter – on pain reduction

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Injuries – In dealing with injuries our first reaction is to avoid the pain especially during and immediately after a fall, like a twisted angle, elbow or knee. This is a natural reaction. And if you can remember to try this you may heal more quickly.

inflammation / swelling and pain is the body’s response to injury and indicates a healing response.

Don’t resist the pain. Relax your body especially around the site of the injury. If you can put one or both hands on the site of the injury and tell yourself that the healing energy of touch is gong to the pain to relieve it. Spend a few moments sitting at the site of the injury (if possible – ie out of immediate danger) relaxing into the pain and reminding yourself not to tense up. Next try some movement. If the pain is excruciating you may need some help getting up or an ambulance perhaps. But if the pain seems less as you rise, try walking especially if you have twisted an ankle or knee. It may be a good bet to get an X-Ray / medical treatment.

Mind with Matter enters

If you go to a Doctor, of course follow their advice.

Here are some alternative pain reduction techniques to help reduce pain that may help:

These techniques follow the lines of cold and /or heat as one way to reduce inflammation. Remember that inflammation / swelling and pain is the body’s response to injury and indicates a healing response.

This is where Mind with Matter enters. Mind Over Matter implies the magic of our Wills over reality. Using our mind to ally with what is happening in our bodies we can provide a mindful and somatic response that may help with healing processes.

  1. Preparation:

Active your body by drawing your attention to your life force of your chi located in an electromagnet vortex about and inch or two below your navel. If it helps your attention to focus on it, touch with your fingers. Breathe into that spot. Allow a sensing or special attention to reside there. Activate your mind at the level of your Pineal Gland above your eyebrows and centered over the bridge of your nose. Use the same activation method you used with the electromagnet center below your navel to activate your mind. Imagine the energy of your chi energy (below your navel) blending with your minds energy.

  1. Technique One:

This process may help to lower inflammation and reduce pain. [Note – it doesn’t always work or it may not get rid of all the pain]. Pretty much everyone knows what its like to put your hand inside a Jell-O or a gelatinous substance. Remember and/or imagine that feeling. Use your mind –body connection (preparation in #1 above) that you’ve just cultivated within your mind and project purple Jell-O into the site of the injury or where the pain is. Why purple? Amongst the 7 primary colors purple is the coolest of the colors. You want to introduce cooling into an inflamed hot/injured site. With your mind move it through your tissues, vascular system and even into cartilage and bone. Intend that healing is occurring – maybe applying your in- breath to go deeply into the pain and the out breath sending to pain out of your body.

 

  1. Technique Two:

This is often used in Hypnotherapy to dull or mask acute pain. Engage the Preparation in step 1. Focus on the site of the injury. Count backwards from 10 going slowly. Tell yourself that the injured part is getting colder and colder. Eventually it becomes numb from the cold and the pain may disappear.

 

  1. Healing aids.

The link – https://psychesweather.wordpress.com/2015/12/07/home-remedies-for-stiff-or-sore-muscles/

——- shows another post of using healing aides to reduce pain. You can employ the preparation in step 1 or not.

 

VertexSmalldarkerDone-copy For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

What happened to Critical Thinking?

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I had a recent exchange with a FB “friend” who was bemoaning the loss of their FB friends due to her endorsement of Trump. I attempted to find out what were the underpinnings of her support for him.

The post began: Because I don’t support the left and I therefore support President Trump my fb account has been decimated.

 

I asked (FKO): Why does it have to be an either or argument or decision? You could support a more moderate or centrist position. Many conservatives look at Obama as a leftist. Obama was (is) a centrist.

Nevertheless I’d like to read from you about the reasons why you are supporting Trump’s presidency. Could you please be specific?

 

FBF (Facebook Friend)- a preface to her subsequent remarks: I say you are uninformed and following a very dangerous group of Satanist[s] including pedophiles and those who desire to kill 90% of [people] through poisonous food, medical treatments, and water. May God bless you to see the truth.

(did not provide information about “Satanists” or “Pedophiles” – but there are those that don’t care about people due to greed and profit allowing food to be poisoned by chemicals and the poisoning of water – such as in Flint, Michigan and possibly by some medical treatments all through Corporate interests that Trump supports.)

(In answer to why she is supporting Trump) First there are over 40,000 sealed indictments for people who have committed crimes against humanity for the above stated crimes. Many are the leaders in this country. An indictment means there is sufficient proof. Thus drain the swamp

FKO: An indictment is a charge made against a suspect and is not proof of a crime having been committed. Proof of the commission of a crime comes when a jury or judge finds them guilty as charged according to the law.

Your statement does not hold up since an indictment does not indicate guilt or innocence for a crime. And since they are sealed no one can know what they the 40,000 were accused of.

FBF: Yes not until they are arrested and go to court. But responsible insiders are leaking some info.

FKO: Who are they? (The insiders?) They are breaking laws to leak? What websites do you get your information? Do you cross-reference your suppositions with other sources? and/or with independent sources? Who is getting arrested and going to court?

What I don’t understand is how you can ally with Trump when he condones violence and offers an example to others that it’s okay to be violent?

FBF: That is too vague a statement. The left is inciting riots. Is that not violence? [see footnote 1 below]

FKO: You have not answered my questions. When he was campaigning he said he could shoot someone on the streets of NYC and get away with it – That’s just to start. [There is no evidence that the left is inciting riots anywhere in the nation.]

He wants to arm teachers with guns.

In Montana revently he condoned the Republican Congressman who assaulted and choked a BBC correspondent because the congressman didn’t like the question, that kind of behavior was applauded [by Trump].

Where to you get your information that: “The left is planning to instigate a revolution if the republicans win the election.”?

He demeans women and mocks them. How is this the act of a loving peace-maker? He abuses laws that separate immigrant children from their parents and plans to repeal legislation-protecting children from being separated from their families creating more family discord. How is the Christian thing to do?

FKO: I submit that protests get out of hand and violence occurs. Look what happened in Charleston, VA when a right wing hate group member used his car to commit violence and murder.

FBF: I do not believe Trumps backers are paying people to do this violence. (Who said they he was? not me.) They are individuals acting on their own. Research Soros he is known internationally for supporting govt coups and now he’s doing it here. The info won’t be easy to find. It will take a lot of digging. [see footnote 2 below]

Melanie Trump is not an oppressed woman. She is one of the most independent women I’ve seen. All those incidents you’re talking are fake news. Again the left owns the media and they print slander about him. [my italics and highlights] [see footnote 3 below]

FBF: I do not feel as a spiritual person that I owe my country to anyone. Would you let all the homeless of [your locale] live in your house? [see footnote 4 below]

 

 

 

Notes:

  1. The left is not an organized group. People protesting sometimes, regrettably may resort to violence.
  2. Maybe Trump is not paying people to “do this violence” – hopefully not. The individuals are acting by the example set by the so-called President, which could be far worse that paying someone to commit violence because it is both inspired and said this is okay -per Trump. Right after Trump became President-Elect a group of young men in a pick-up truck frightened a young woman who was a mental health client by revving their engine -driving up onto the sidewalk and calling her derogatory names – Trump’s explicit message was “its okay to spread hate”. There is no evidence to support the Soros group – supporting government coups – this is a right-wing conspiracy theory that has no facts to support it.
  3. When all else fails – critical thinking, logic, looking at reputable news sources on the right, middle and left, then the fake news card is played. Aka my mind is made up with alternative facts and I will not explore the facts that the majority of the world sees as facts.
  4. “I do not feel as a spiritual person that I owe my country to anyone.” I don’t know what this means –maybe a righteous attempt at being an individual? Or could it mean every man, woman, and person for themselves? If so this is very sad and holds the destruction of community. And “Would you let all the homeless of [your locale] live in your house?” – besides this being illegal, against all health code law – and they would not all fit – what does this mean? Where is the logic in that statement? How does it follow from my remarks? I don’t know. She may be a lost person or is not very good at explaining herself.

 

PS I ended up unfriending this woman, not just for her pro-trump posts but her religious posts and messages sent directly to me via Messenger.

 

My Cat left me to become President of the United States

close up photography of cat
Photo by Amir Ghoorchiani on Pexels.com

I didn’t even realize until it was too late that my narcissistic cat was elected President of the United States.

I know what you’re going to say – all cats are narcissistic and you’d be right. But how many of them have the kahunas to become President?

Some history and the current resulting behaviors might be in order.

He stares longingly at the refrigerator because he knows there’s food to bite on in there.

to

He stares longingly out at the “biggest crowd in the history of Presidential Inaugurations” and feels the adoring millions because he needs his feeding.

 

He pounces on birds with the full power of his grasp. He plays with the birds, but doesn’t kill them, at least not right away and doesn’t pay attention to their noises.

to

He pounces on those that oppose him because well its fun to plot against them for the kill as he put in his claws and listens to their tweets.

 

He marks his territory. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine.

to

He marks his territory. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine.

 

He gets mad when he doesn’t get his way. As a manipulation he ignores me, then whoosh he attacks.

to

He gets mad when he doesn’t get his way. As a manipulation he ignores the shootings, the hurricanes, the fires, the international incidents, the assignations, the poor, immigrants, those not in his tax bracket, et cetera, then whoosh and he attacks often accompanied with cries of “fake news”.

Cat-nip does nothing for him – but he sniffs diet coke

 

My cat – is no longer mine. Before he pounced for the Prez he changed his name to: T. R. Ump. Many call him Ump because with one swipe of his mighty paw he could call the game but always in his favor

 

I only wish he’d go back to being cat-sized again with a sunnier disposition and maybe as a female.   Or become a duck and duck like Donald never did.

Soon…

Making Space: a primer

cat lying on cloth
Photo by Jenna Hamra on Pexels.com

Making space is something we may do with our energy, with our thoughts and our imag-en-ation.

A woman with whom we shared loved and intimacy (circa 2002 to 05) experimented with making space while we were apart. I would create a space in the seat beside me in my pick-up truck and she would feel me next to her as I would feel her. Very simple, pure, sweet and easy-peezy.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

Making space its that easy. It takes love and compassion, energy from the second chakra and our mind’s ability to form images.

I often talk about it to my clients as inviting a person you may not even know yet into your cozy living room with a fire going in the fireplace for a chat. Put forward your intentions along with nonspecific love and compassion and see what happens.

adult beverage breakfast celebration
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

I grew up inside a Terrorist Regime – my family

 

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The Road Out via Compassion

 

I grew up inside a Terrorist Regime: in my family of origin where my father was the dictator and his word was law.

When I was a pre-teen he would shout me down into submission when he disagreed with something I said and end with telling me I was being illogical.

This was worse than death, torture of my dog.

He would continue to castigate my mother by telling her she was “irrational”. More often than not she was intuitive and non-rational

Around that time we adopted a stray dog: Peewee. He went everywhere with me – on my walks in the woods and to the reservoir. We never tied him up when we weren’t home. He ran with a pack of dogs that ate sheep. The sheep owner told us we would have to tie him up. We did for a while and then not having the heart to keep him tied up we let him go and he ate sheep again. My father was to take him to the vet to be put down. At dinner that night my father said:

I took Peewee to Yale to be experimented on. 

My head sank. This was worse than death, torture of my dog. I was so sad and down.

I thought you liked science – my father said.

 Not anymore – I said starting to get angry.

But I couldn’t show my anger otherwise I’d get in-trouble so I stuffed it.

After dinner beginning in my early teens we played Ping-Pong every night after dinner. He’d use psychological tactics on me to goad me to become angry, throw me off balance so he could win. One night, I thought – this is supposed to be fun. I decided not to get angry and started winning games. Once that happened he stopped playing and admitted that I had been a better player than he was and that by using psychological tactics he knew he could win.

he would bait others into Republican ideological arguments and then shout them down when they didn’t agree with them

When I was a teenager my father would bait me into arguments that I was emotionally invested in and then use his premise to make me feel wrong and confused. I’d fall for his debate tactics every time. When I was in my twenties I began to disagree with his premises and all “debate” ended.

My mom came to me and asked: “What am should I do about your father?”

 “What do you mean?”

“Well you know how he is.”

My mother’s friends never came over anymore because he would bait others into Republican ideological arguments and then shout them down when they didn’t agree with them.

            “You could see a therapist or minster,” I said.

            “I couldn’t do that,” she replied.

            “You could get a divorce,” I said.

           “Oh no, I couldn’t do that,” she replied.

            “Well, I don’t know what else to tell you,” I said.

My sister and I would spend all daylight hours outside of the house away from my mother and father and that I supposed was normal. We lived surrounded by bucolic regions of farms, fields and woods. My father would use his booming voice to call us for dinner while we were at least a mile away. He had had a lot of practice bellowing.

He told me once that he promised never to hit us like his father had done to his mother, him and his two sisters. But he broke his promise a few times. However he made up for actually physical violence by terrorizing us with verbal and non-verbal threats.

He often accused and never apologized even when he made a mistake.

He oscillated between sometimes being a looming or threatening boss to be a playful child albeit isolating. He was jealous of my mother having any recognition and acted passive-aggressively to quell her recognition: My mother would play the piano and we would sing folk songs and Christmas Carols after dinner. My mom also painted some. My father decided he could paint too. He painted some squares and a triangle on a canvas and put a mahogany frame around it. He hung it over the piano. When this happened I felt a profound shame and the childish jealousy of my father. My mother’s only visible protest was never to play the piano again. We all knew and my father had won his petty little game.

One time my sister and I – always the rivals often competing for my father’s attention were having a blast; bickering. It was a bit like the Monte Python sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLlv_aZjHXc

Our father yelled from the other room to “Stop it,” in his booming voice. We furtively glanced at each other snickering under our breaths and then began bickering again:

“Yes it is,” I fired out.

“No it isn’t,” my sister came back.

And on we went…

Our father appeared in the door of the kitchen his face red with rage, fists clenched he spewed in a vitriolic manner:

You kids cease and desist this instant!

 I thought blood would spurt from a vein in his forehead. He glared at us full of fury and rage. I had to bite my tongue so as not to speak or laugh. Many years later my sister told me she was so terrified that she had wet herself.

In my arguments to my father about the Vietnam war – I returned from college and told him I was against the war: he punched me across the face with a 1-2 punch and then in the stomach. He opened the front door of the house and threw me into the bushes and said:

Don’t you ever set foot in this house, again.

I was shaking and crying. A moment later he came out and invited me back inside saying:

I guess I didn’t brainwash you good enough.

 I knew my mother had stood up for me in that moment.

I learned to bring emotion into our debate and was able to stop many debates cold such as: The Vietnam war is wrong because killing for any reason is wrong and that’s how I feel.

my father was extremely obnoxious … after drinking in the afternoon

Later when I was going through a very rough time and we were in family therapy without my sister who was in college out west my father agreed to be nice to me. For about a year and a half he was nice. And then he changed back.

When I asked him about the change he said: “I can see that you were okay so I decided to be myself again.”

I offered to do some hands-on healing.

My father would have an occasional beer and an after dinner liquor when his friends came over for dinner. Once I had lunch with him in New Haven in the 1974 when we both worked in the city (it was the summer that Nixon resigned). He had a pitcher of beer with lunch. He seemed the same before as he did afterwards. At that time I wasn’t as aware of the various shades of alcoholism as I became later.

In the 1980s my sister visited with my mother and father. I met them for lunch. I was to meet them later at their Bed and Breakfast and then we were to meet up my woman lover at a restaurant in Glen Ellen. When I met them at the B&B my father was extremely obnoxious: grabbing a magazine article from my hands while I was reading it, ignoring my protest, telling me I had to listen to him etc… Later I learned that he and my sister had gone to a bar after lunch and had been drinking. My mother probably just watched – she didn’t drink due to health issues.

I felt satisfied that I was able to help him and that he had accepted my help.

They moved from Connecticut to North Carolina and I visited them in 2000.

My father said out of the blue:

            They’ve discovered planets in other solar systems.”

            “Good for them,” I replied.

            “How does astrology explain that?”

‘Oh brother here we go again.’ I thought

“Sounds like your trying to make fun of my profession as an astrologer,” I said going to the end point.

“Ah, no, no I wasn’t,” he said and dropped the whole thing. I was relieved and he seemed relieved as well.

He often accused and never apologized, ever.

By August of 2005 my father was on oxygen from pulmonary fibrosis – a lung disease. Even on O2 he had difficulty breathing, gasping for air. Towards the last hour of my stay I offered to do some hands-on healing. I thought he would refuse since he rarely praised me and denigrated my actions, choices and accomplishments at every turn of my life. I was surprised that he agreed.

For the next 45 minutes while I was there he breathed normally and appeared thankful though he said nothing. I felt satisfied that I was able to help him and that he had accepted my help.

He died in 2006 on my birthday from from pulmonary fibrosis.


END NOTES:  I learned much about the frightened Conservative stance towards the world through my father and his strong patriarchal ideals. Underneath all that bluster, anger and rage was a frightened boy who had never recovered from the abuse at the hands of his father. My father acknowledged the beatings that my grandfather had meted out on him his sisters and his mother. I’m sure there was sexual abuse that was repressed and / or supressed by alcohol abuse and acting-out rage, just as my garndfather had sexually abused me in horrific ways.

Beyond the unhealed abuse and fear that caused him to shift from an expansive man who had voted for JFK to one who embraced Nixon, Reagan, and both Bushs. Nixon was elected in 1969 when my father was almost 50. This is sometimes the period that people wither or break free from their parents belief systems. Or they become dissillusioned with the ideals of youth and fall back into what they know. My father embraced conservativism because it was about the past – government unresponsive to the needs of the many and only able to see the needs of the privelged and the elite in which he identified.

Fear is a breeding ground for greed, having enough, believing government stood in the way of making as much money as possible for himself. He was angry at those in civil service work because they made almost as much as he did as an executive for Ma Bell. Manual labor was beneath him. The intellect was all powerful and deserved the best of the elite. The common man – the middle class became superfluous, invisible and therefore inconsequential to him.

He belived in the platitudes and the American Dream and thought that all had access to it through hard work. He was sexist and racist and homeophobic. He was a sad broken man who took out his wounds on others.

I am happy to have survived my childhood with my heart intact though it took me many years to get in-touch with my emotions. I have forgiven my father for all the wounds he had perpertated on me. And I trust that his consciousness is growing in a life beyond his mortal coil.