Empathic Process and Beyond

adult alone black and white blur
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

On this precipice of transformation the world seems entrenched in romanticizations of the past, which is producing unnecessary injustices pain and suffering beyond the pale of the ordinary.

as an empath I feel their pain

 Survival is an interesting balancing act between feeling deep anguish,pain and suffering and a retreat into rationalizations and /or other protections of the mind. The danger of a continuous retreat into the mind is a numbing of emotion. Too much emotional distress that is left unprocessed leads to overwhelm and shock, suppression recycling unconscious processes that have alternating anxiety, fear, anger and /or depressive moods to name a few a part of the emotional strategies of coping albeit unbalanced.

something happens that seems like divine intervention

When I work with people who are in pain I acknowledge their pain, its truth and being and as an empath I feel their pain. It pushes up against the pain I have felt in my life and allows me to identify and bear witness to their pain and mine. Merely by bearing witness with an open heart, suspending judgment sometime something happens that seems like divine intervention. Their pain is slowly allowed to release a little in the moment. It doesn’t mean that the pain won’t return it just means that if I hold a respectful loving and compassionate space for someone without expecting any result the pain sometimes leaves. This is miraculous. It seems divine because it has to do with a force that is invisible in our lives – the neutral space, the place of the witness.From the witness the higher vibrations of love and compassion flows through me and amazes me because – although it seems a part of me it belongs to a greater oneness that is part of the essence, core or divine self. From many years of healing work it has become easier to release judgment and accept another person’s reality completely. This has been a gift (from the mystery of the Divine).

The Divine enters and is both me and not me

Surrendering ego is the push that keeps a boundary in place that may as well be a wall and that is extraordinarily difficult to release until it isn’t. In that moment when the “I” is released all compassion, love and/or the divine that is all round as it has always been. I have kept it out, me the ego. The release of ego is so simple in the act. Getting to the place of release, of surrender, of sacrifice is gut-wrenchingly arduous. The release is sweetness and freeing.

the light of relief is experienced in all its innocence

In that momentary place of release and holding space the healing empathic forces come into play. They come through me when I step out of the way in the moment.

The Divine enters and is both me and not me, is a child of mirth and wild play; and that which is greater acting through me. Still the ego in me would like to lift the suffering from the one who is with me. I, the ego, realizes this is a disservice to the person in front of me who is suffering. I have come to see that by holding sacred space and allowing the person’s pain and suffering to run its course that they are learning a new grace and wisdom of unwinding karma and releasing their pain. I feel privileged that I can witness a birth within another as suffering and pain go and the light of relief is experienced in all its innocence.

This is one gift of the empath.

For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

Home Remedies: Mind with Matter – on pain reduction

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Injuries – In dealing with injuries our first reaction is to avoid the pain especially during and immediately after a fall, like a twisted angle, elbow or knee. This is a natural reaction. And if you can remember to try this you may heal more quickly.

inflammation / swelling and pain is the body’s response to injury and indicates a healing response.

Don’t resist the pain. Relax your body especially around the site of the injury. If you can put one or both hands on the site of the injury and tell yourself that the healing energy of touch is gong to the pain to relieve it. Spend a few moments sitting at the site of the injury (if possible – ie out of immediate danger) relaxing into the pain and reminding yourself not to tense up. Next try some movement. If the pain is excruciating you may need some help getting up or an ambulance perhaps. But if the pain seems less as you rise, try walking especially if you have twisted an ankle or knee. It may be a good bet to get an X-Ray / medical treatment.

Mind with Matter enters

If you go to a Doctor, of course follow their advice.

Here are some alternative pain reduction techniques to help reduce pain that may help:

These techniques follow the lines of cold and /or heat as one way to reduce inflammation. Remember that inflammation / swelling and pain is the body’s response to injury and indicates a healing response.

This is where Mind with Matter enters. Mind Over Matter implies the magic of our Wills over reality. Using our mind to ally with what is happening in our bodies we can provide a mindful and somatic response that may help with healing processes.

  1. Preparation:

Active your body by drawing your attention to your life force of your chi located in an electromagnet vortex about and inch or two below your navel. If it helps your attention to focus on it, touch with your fingers. Breathe into that spot. Allow a sensing or special attention to reside there. Activate your mind at the level of your Pineal Gland above your eyebrows and centered over the bridge of your nose. Use the same activation method you used with the electromagnet center below your navel to activate your mind. Imagine the energy of your chi energy (below your navel) blending with your minds energy.

  1. Technique One:

This process may help to lower inflammation and reduce pain. [Note – it doesn’t always work or it may not get rid of all the pain]. Pretty much everyone knows what its like to put your hand inside a Jell-O or a gelatinous substance. Remember and/or imagine that feeling. Use your mind –body connection (preparation in #1 above) that you’ve just cultivated within your mind and project purple Jell-O into the site of the injury or where the pain is. Why purple? Amongst the 7 primary colors purple is the coolest of the colors. You want to introduce cooling into an inflamed hot/injured site. With your mind move it through your tissues, vascular system and even into cartilage and bone. Intend that healing is occurring – maybe applying your in- breath to go deeply into the pain and the out breath sending to pain out of your body.

 

  1. Technique Two:

This is often used in Hypnotherapy to dull or mask acute pain. Engage the Preparation in step 1. Focus on the site of the injury. Count backwards from 10 going slowly. Tell yourself that the injured part is getting colder and colder. Eventually it becomes numb from the cold and the pain may disappear.

 

  1. Healing aids.

The link – https://psychesweather.wordpress.com/2015/12/07/home-remedies-for-stiff-or-sore-muscles/

——- shows another post of using healing aides to reduce pain. You can employ the preparation in step 1 or not.

 

VertexSmalldarkerDone-copy For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

I grew up inside a Terrorist Regime – my family

 

CypressGrove5x

The Road Out via Compassion

 

I grew up inside a Terrorist Regime: in my family of origin where my father was the dictator and his word was law.

When I was a pre-teen he would shout me down into submission when he disagreed with something I said and end with telling me I was being illogical.

This was worse than death, torture of my dog.

He would continue to castigate my mother by telling her she was “irrational”. More often than not she was intuitive and non-rational

Around that time we adopted a stray dog: Peewee. He went everywhere with me – on my walks in the woods and to the reservoir. We never tied him up when we weren’t home. He ran with a pack of dogs that ate sheep. The sheep owner told us we would have to tie him up. We did for a while and then not having the heart to keep him tied up we let him go and he ate sheep again. My father was to take him to the vet to be put down. At dinner that night my father said:

I took Peewee to Yale to be experimented on. 

My head sank. This was worse than death, torture of my dog. I was so sad and down.

I thought you liked science – my father said.

 Not anymore – I said starting to get angry.

But I couldn’t show my anger otherwise I’d get in-trouble so I stuffed it.

After dinner beginning in my early teens we played Ping-Pong every night after dinner. He’d use psychological tactics on me to goad me to become angry, throw me off balance so he could win. One night, I thought – this is supposed to be fun. I decided not to get angry and started winning games. Once that happened he stopped playing and admitted that I had been a better player than he was and that by using psychological tactics he knew he could win.

he would bait others into Republican ideological arguments and then shout them down when they didn’t agree with them

When I was a teenager my father would bait me into arguments that I was emotionally invested in and then use his premise to make me feel wrong and confused. I’d fall for his debate tactics every time. When I was in my twenties I began to disagree with his premises and all “debate” ended.

My mom came to me and asked: “What am should I do about your father?”

 “What do you mean?”

“Well you know how he is.”

My mother’s friends never came over anymore because he would bait others into Republican ideological arguments and then shout them down when they didn’t agree with them.

            “You could see a therapist or minster,” I said.

            “I couldn’t do that,” she replied.

            “You could get a divorce,” I said.

           “Oh no, I couldn’t do that,” she replied.

            “Well, I don’t know what else to tell you,” I said.

My sister and I would spend all daylight hours outside of the house away from my mother and father and that I supposed was normal. We lived surrounded by bucolic regions of farms, fields and woods. My father would use his booming voice to call us for dinner while we were at least a mile away. He had had a lot of practice bellowing.

He told me once that he promised never to hit us like his father had done to his mother, him and his two sisters. But he broke his promise a few times. However he made up for actually physical violence by terrorizing us with verbal and non-verbal threats.

He often accused and never apologized even when he made a mistake.

He oscillated between sometimes being a looming or threatening boss to be a playful child albeit isolating. He was jealous of my mother having any recognition and acted passive-aggressively to quell her recognition: My mother would play the piano and we would sing folk songs and Christmas Carols after dinner. My mom also painted some. My father decided he could paint too. He painted some squares and a triangle on a canvas and put a mahogany frame around it. He hung it over the piano. When this happened I felt a profound shame and the childish jealousy of my father. My mother’s only visible protest was never to play the piano again. We all knew and my father had won his petty little game.

One time my sister and I – always the rivals often competing for my father’s attention were having a blast; bickering. It was a bit like the Monte Python sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLlv_aZjHXc

Our father yelled from the other room to “Stop it,” in his booming voice. We furtively glanced at each other snickering under our breaths and then began bickering again:

“Yes it is,” I fired out.

“No it isn’t,” my sister came back.

And on we went…

Our father appeared in the door of the kitchen his face red with rage, fists clenched he spewed in a vitriolic manner:

You kids cease and desist this instant!

 I thought blood would spurt from a vein in his forehead. He glared at us full of fury and rage. I had to bite my tongue so as not to speak or laugh. Many years later my sister told me she was so terrified that she had wet herself.

In my arguments to my father about the Vietnam war – I returned from college and told him I was against the war: he punched me across the face with a 1-2 punch and then in the stomach. He opened the front door of the house and threw me into the bushes and said:

Don’t you ever set foot in this house, again.

I was shaking and crying. A moment later he came out and invited me back inside saying:

I guess I didn’t brainwash you good enough.

 I knew my mother had stood up for me in that moment.

I learned to bring emotion into our debate and was able to stop many debates cold such as: The Vietnam war is wrong because killing for any reason is wrong and that’s how I feel.

my father was extremely obnoxious … after drinking in the afternoon

Later when I was going through a very rough time and we were in family therapy without my sister who was in college out west my father agreed to be nice to me. For about a year and a half he was nice. And then he changed back.

When I asked him about the change he said: “I can see that you were okay so I decided to be myself again.”

I offered to do some hands-on healing.

My father would have an occasional beer and an after dinner liquor when his friends came over for dinner. Once I had lunch with him in New Haven in the 1974 when we both worked in the city (it was the summer that Nixon resigned). He had a pitcher of beer with lunch. He seemed the same before as he did afterwards. At that time I wasn’t as aware of the various shades of alcoholism as I became later.

In the 1980s my sister visited with my mother and father. I met them for lunch. I was to meet them later at their Bed and Breakfast and then we were to meet up my woman lover at a restaurant in Glen Ellen. When I met them at the B&B my father was extremely obnoxious: grabbing a magazine article from my hands while I was reading it, ignoring my protest, telling me I had to listen to him etc… Later I learned that he and my sister had gone to a bar after lunch and had been drinking. My mother probably just watched – she didn’t drink due to health issues.

I felt satisfied that I was able to help him and that he had accepted my help.

They moved from Connecticut to North Carolina and I visited them in 2000.

My father said out of the blue:

            They’ve discovered planets in other solar systems.”

            “Good for them,” I replied.

            “How does astrology explain that?”

‘Oh brother here we go again.’ I thought

“Sounds like your trying to make fun of my profession as an astrologer,” I said going to the end point.

“Ah, no, no I wasn’t,” he said and dropped the whole thing. I was relieved and he seemed relieved as well.

He often accused and never apologized, ever.

By August of 2005 my father was on oxygen from pulmonary fibrosis – a lung disease. Even on O2 he had difficulty breathing, gasping for air. Towards the last hour of my stay I offered to do some hands-on healing. I thought he would refuse since he rarely praised me and denigrated my actions, choices and accomplishments at every turn of my life. I was surprised that he agreed.

For the next 45 minutes while I was there he breathed normally and appeared thankful though he said nothing. I felt satisfied that I was able to help him and that he had accepted my help.

He died in 2006 on my birthday from from pulmonary fibrosis.


END NOTES:  I learned much about the frightened Conservative stance towards the world through my father and his strong patriarchal ideals. Underneath all that bluster, anger and rage was a frightened boy who had never recovered from the abuse at the hands of his father. My father acknowledged the beatings that my grandfather had meted out on him his sisters and his mother. I’m sure there was sexual abuse that was repressed and / or supressed by alcohol abuse and acting-out rage, just as my garndfather had sexually abused me in horrific ways.

Beyond the unhealed abuse and fear that caused him to shift from an expansive man who had voted for JFK to one who embraced Nixon, Reagan, and both Bushs. Nixon was elected in 1969 when my father was almost 50. This is sometimes the period that people wither or break free from their parents belief systems. Or they become dissillusioned with the ideals of youth and fall back into what they know. My father embraced conservativism because it was about the past – government unresponsive to the needs of the many and only able to see the needs of the privelged and the elite in which he identified.

Fear is a breeding ground for greed, having enough, believing government stood in the way of making as much money as possible for himself. He was angry at those in civil service work because they made almost as much as he did as an executive for Ma Bell. Manual labor was beneath him. The intellect was all powerful and deserved the best of the elite. The common man – the middle class became superfluous, invisible and therefore inconsequential to him.

He belived in the platitudes and the American Dream and thought that all had access to it through hard work. He was sexist and racist and homeophobic. He was a sad broken man who took out his wounds on others.

I am happy to have survived my childhood with my heart intact though it took me many years to get in-touch with my emotions. I have forgiven my father for all the wounds he had perpertated on me. And I trust that his consciousness is growing in a life beyond his mortal coil.

 

Making It Simple

EssenceFlameEternal

 

multiEarthReality

Why making it simple is dangerous:

When I look back to my childhood things seemed idyllic and I often long for those simpler times. The operative word regarding the simplicity of childhood is seemed. Childhood seems simpler for two reasons – our minds have not developed enough to grasp complex ideas, notions and systems; and two as the population increases with technological advances, climate change not-withstanding the world has become mindbogglingly complex.

a desire for “the good old days”

In my family I have noticed in my sibling that the loss of our father marked a shift in her to embrace the conservative values of my father and the nostalgia of my mother’s romanticisms. She may have thought she had fully processed her grief, but her reversion to a desire for “the good old days” became evident in her insular attitudes and an increased right-wing conservative political stance as well as a refusal to see that the world has changed around her.

These models of individualism while admirable create winners and losers

I suspect that those that embrace the desire for simpler times (of the past) are intellectually and/or emotionally stuck at a variety of childhood ages. They often long for parent-figures that will lead them to the Promised Land [1]. This longing is often expressed in ideologies that emphasize past philosophies of mythological successes such as rugged individualism, rags to riches stories and the like – mirrored in “The American Dream”.

President is a father figure that can solve all our problems

These models of individualism while admirable create winners and losers that in our current world fall apart. Winners either want to assist “losers” or they wish to punish losers for the most part. This is a longer discussion based on the failings of the patriarchy and its new god of consumer capitalism.

Simple answers are not enough for a prosperous people

The childhood longing for simplicity in a complex world leads individuals with antiquated beliefs to vote for Presidents that offer simple solutions to complex problems. Extreme examples of leaders with a simple answers philosophies lead may lead to fascist states. Part of the idea of a President is a father figure that can solve all our problems and make the world safe whether it be simple or complex especially in a failing patriarchal system [2]. (Even a woman president plays by patriarchal rules so that it’s impossible for any of us to escape patriarchal thinking.)

ensure the survival of the human species in the face of climate change

I used to think after President Clinton and President Obama were elected that I could “relax” and that things were taken care of. In hindsight neither of these Presidents did not institute enough nor the right kind of reforms to represent the majority of people economically, to adequately address the role of the military, or aggressively pursue the problems of climate change – though Obama did make some initial strides here.

Simple answers are not enough for a prosperous people. A president alone is not enough. Our representatives are not enough. As a citizen (and not a consumer) it is my responsibility to take an active role beyond merely voting for representatives and a president.

 

Major issues that need to be addressed and worked towards solutions:

  • To ensure the survival of the human species in the face of climate change
  • Superlative secondary education
  • Income equality
  • Housing
  • Corporate / Big Money out of politics
  • Fair agriculture
  • Addressing the future of work especially with regard to automation and robotics
  • Healthcare

 

These are complex and inter-related issues that can be solved when communities work together.

 

NOTES:

 

  1. The Greeks looked to the Elysium Fields of the west as the promised land of paradise. The west as myth woven with The American Dream was never equally accessible by former slaves. Even for those that felt they have achieved or are on their way of the American Dream they must belong to an educated upper class and have extraordinary luck. Also the Dream is based on the acquisition of “more” money of which there will never be enough.
  2. The patriarch system is a hierarchical structure with the Alpha male on top. It is based on power-over dynamics. There will always be someone over you and someone under you whether you are the most powerful person in the world or someone without any seeming power. The dangers in this kind of system is a focus on its internal criteria to the exclusion of those “objects: that ensure survival – the “object” that is a sacred being and the context of our home – Earth. Even though the patriarchy could be shaped to include earth and her bounty in a capitalistic economy the internal dynamic of winners and losers belies community systems

the mountain spoke to me

the majestic Mount Diablo

When I moved to California in 1982 I began listening to the real world – trees, fields, streams, mountains and all the creatures that inhabited them. I listened with my heart and a bond was formed.

I felt the solidity peace and wisdom of this mountain

I was looking out the back window of the house that the Venerable Dharmawara Mathahera aka Bhante had rented in Lathrop, California in the Central Valley. Beyond the irrigated fields was the majestic Mount Diablo.

I felt the solidity peace and wisdom of this mountain. It looked closer than it had been in the recent past. I felt welcomed by the mountain to the space and heart of California.

 

It was the entrée point to becoming a healer.

 

The photos I had taken in the early 80s were destroyed when my garage roof leaked water into boxes where many photos were stored.

I tried to look for comparable photos and have a link to a Wikipedia page:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Diablo#Cultural_history

Here is a earlier piece on Bhante:

https://psychesweather.wordpress.com/2017/04/13/remembering-bhante/

 

For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

Cycles of Time, Chiron and The Body

 

time lapse photo of stars on night
Photo by Jakub Novacek on Pexels.com

The Chiron Return in astrology is a part of the cycle of time when we turn 50 years old give or take a year. Chiron is a larger asteroid in the belt and is known as the wounded healer from mythos. Its return signifies an impulse to remember and/or resolve childhood wounds. In addition it brings a sense of belonging to Earth and entry into mastery.

astrology is an analogous companion that correlates with changes in how we age and grow

I look at astrology as a guide to small and larger life cycles – a guide to the mythos of life’s mysteries and not as a ruler. An astrology teacher of mine told me not to go backpacking to Desolation Wilderness (a National Wilderness area west of Lake Tahoe on the High Sierras) one weekend. She said I was under a Saturn Transit and that I could break my ankle or some bones. I thanked her and said I would be careful. I didn’t break any bones.

A mature emotional center is able to balance contradictory emotions and/or live with them

It could also be true that astrology is an analogous companion that correlates with changes in how we age and grow. Whether you view astrology as a loose analogous pal or a mythos guide the way of healing for me has been more arduous than the emotional roller coaster I rode over most of my life. It has been more difficult because the unresolved aspects of childhood wounding have been caught in a emotional – somatic combine where I have and continue to feel chewed up.

body memory becomes noticeable

After fifty, especially for those that have worked on themselves the emotional center matures and the intellect is then available to work more closely with parsing emotions and helping to make sense of them. A mature emotional center is able to balance contradictory emotions and/or live with them – as in tolerate the inconsistencies and contradictions without “acting-out” reactions. For those that have done deeper inner work a core or essential (being) self develops and is able to remain compassionately neutral in the comings and goings of emotional states.

The seeds of auto-immune diseases may begin when we are young

After fifty the emotional body bonds with the somatic (physical) body where body memory becomes noticeable to the intellect and enters awareness. For instance the body’s habits of the sleep cycle begin if we go to bed at approximately the same time every night. So if I go to sleep at 11 pm or midnight my body will prompt me to want to sleep at that time. I certainly can use my will or caffeine imbibed at 3 pm or after to push beyond the ordinary limit for sleep. All our habits, good and bad are held in our bodies.

Below the age of fifty it is easier to use our will and the plastic flexibility of the body to override body memory much more easily. The seeds of auto-immune diseases may begin when we are young and we don’t pay attention to the signs because of the plasticity of the functions of our bodies and our wills that push past physical limitations.

Awareness is the first step is solving a problem

As an incest survivor complex emotions of closeness due to love and abhorrence due to the infliction of physical pain by my caretaker and relative have come to rest in an autoimmune disorder of psoriatic arthritis. When I was a child I confused the bogeyman with the bugger man. I imagined that no one would want to touch me because my body was covered with abhorrent scabs and buggers from the nose. A relative tied me up at night in such a way as to affect my fingers where the pain of arthritis is rooted. The arthritis is analogous to the conflict of unresolved love and hate etc. stuck in the body.

Awareness is the first step is solving a problem. Most people intellectually know that they have a body but they are often not present there in the body unless pain draws our attention to an imbalance. Disease itself is not just emotionally based. The etiology of diseases are in part environmentally oriented due to an increasing toxic world, genetic and by hazard.

To be continued…

 

 

 

A Native American Ritual for Bringing Rain

country-lane-field-meadow-rain

This technique uses multiple sensory modalities as part of a visualization tool to bring rain. Of course it can be modified to whatever you are working towards.

Remember that we are beings of Earth, our sacred home.

What you will need:

  • Water enough to wet dry dusty earth (a bucket, canteen, bottles of water)
  • Bare feet
  • A towel (optional)

 

What to do:

  • Find a spot where the dirt is dusty enough to make mud
  • Sanctify the spot in the following ways. Burning white sage and / or setting up a crystalline grid
  • Take off your shoes and socks
  • Pour water on the spot and make mud.
  • Put your bare feet in the mud.

 

The Next Waking Dream Flow:

Feel how the water has made mud against your feet. See a low front/ rain clouds moving in the direction where you thirst for rain. See the rain falling and making mud and quenching the thirst of Earth. Feel the sacredness of rain.

 

Thank Earth for producing the rain (present tense). Bow to the four directions. Remove the crystals, re-sage the area.

 

Walk back to your vehicle or house and use towel.

Why I Used To Hate Cellphones

smartphone

Correcting technology for use instead of being a tool of technology and how I turned handicap into advantage.

 

I have a dumb phone. Though I have been strongly encouraged to get a smart phone and I say no.

to test this out I got an iPod touch

Texting on a dumb phone began to become tedious, difficult and then impossible. The buttons were too small, my fingers hurt from stabbing buttons and I would invariably miss a letter that spell check couldn’t correct. Why? The combination of the small buttons close together and arthritic fingers twisted around on key texting fingers.

I considered getting an iPhone in the 00s. So to test this out I got an iPod touch – an iPhone without the phone part. This was fruitless as well. The portrait buttons were too small and I missed multiple times and the landscape buttons same.

I began to resent my dumb phone from ringing when I was in the middle of a conversation with someone in the same room as me.

I was saved from iPhone and smartphone addiction by a cruel twist of fate – to quote Bob Dylan and that was a silver lining.

Eventually I turned the vibration thingy off.

Then I began to resent my dumb phone from ringing when I was in the middle of a conversation with someone in the same room as me. So I switched it to vibrate. Most of the time others couldn’t hear it unless I was alone with one other person or the room was quiet and I was leading a meditation.

I’m practicing being present without tech to distract me.

Eventually I turned the vibration thingy off. I explained to friends, clients and associates that they could call my landline or my cell and leave a voice mail. I told them that the best way to reach me by phone in-person was my landline. That they could only leave a message on my cell and that I used my cell to make brief out going calls – only. And I use it for the alarm x2 to 3 per day.

I also tell friends, associates and clients that they can text me. Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes I can sent and receive texts on my iPad Pro 9.75” – due to the bigger keys, less likely to hit the wrong key. The difference between an iPad and a cell phone is its bigger (duh) and I don’t take it out and use it unless I choose. I’m not used by it as much as I would if I had my cell phone ringer on.

Believe me I am distracted enough by my own errant thoughts than to add tech to the mix.

Now when I’m with someone a cell phone or my iPad does not interrupt me either. I’m practicing being present without tech to distract me. Believe me I am distracted enough by my own errant thoughts than to add tech to the mix.

 

 

Triggers – a personal story

corona

I’m no expert. I have lived with triggers all my life but didn’t know they were triggers until I was in my late 30s.

It was a body memory evoking trigger [that lasted] ten years

What is a trigger in terms of a psychological phenomena? Wikipedia describes:

trauma trigger is the subjective attribution that a psychologic stimulus caused someone to recall the memory of a previous psychological trauma, although the stimulus itself need not be frightening or traumatic and can be indirectly or superficially reminiscent of an earlier traumatic incident. Trauma triggers are related to posttraumatic stress disorder(PTSD), a condition in which people often cannot control the recurrence of emotional or physical symptoms,[1] or of repressed memory.[2][3][4] Triggers can be subtle and difficult to anticipate,[1][5] and can sometimes exacerbate PTSD. A trauma trigger may also be referred to as a trauma stimulus or a trauma stressor.[6]

Remembering times in my past where I had been mildly dissociated. I surmised that I may have been triggered and didn’t know it. Then there were the blackouts with substances and then without substances where triggers were most definitely involved, but impossible to identify.

I told myself that my body felt safe

One of the first pervasive triggers that I experienced lasted during all my waking hours for ten years. It was was a body memory that evoked triggers but in the beginning had no emotion attached to it and then there were fleeting feelings of sadness, grief and moments of profound depression. After those feelings passed the one that remained was rage. It was always there in the background.

The body memory was related to sexual trauma and PTSD symptoms. The specific body memory was a sensation in my jaw that someone was trying to open my mouth and I was resisting with all my might.

One of the difficulties with triggers are identifying that I have been triggered.

I told myself that my body felt safe enough to remember the trigger. Each time I noticed the body memory trigger its physical sensations and accompanying emotions I told myself that my body was releasing the memories.

One day after ten years I woke up and thought: “Something is different.” When I first acknowledged that the body memory had ceased it came back immediately. Within a few days it disappeared. It returns occasionally but is no longer a fixture in my life.

One of the difficulties with triggers are identifying that I have been triggered. Sometimes it has taken me days to realize I have been triggered especially if I feel angry or rageful with a seemingly rational reason.

The nature of being triggered flips me into being isolated because perpetrators isolated me to abuse me.

There have only been three times where I have been able to identify the source of the trigger. One was the body memory of sexual abuse, already mentioned above. I was with a client in his home. He pursed his lips a certain way and I had a visceral response of wanting to punch him and beat him up. I had to bite my tongue to calm down and restraint myself from beating him up. Why the trigger occurred was not in doubt, what it was – was uncertain.

In October of 1995 when I was driving back from having had therapy in Pt. Reyes Station I was driving under a plume of smoke from the Mt Vision fires that destroyed over 40,000 acres. The smoke made the sun red as it set. When I returned home I was inconsolably in tears. I called my therapist – why was I so upset? I had asked. “The fire is big and out-of-control just as your perpetrators were when you were young.” She suggested I use a coping tool to calm down and manage the trigger. I did.

The problems with most triggers are:

  • An environmental cue activates trauma from our past.
  • Once triggered we often enter a regressed or frozen state when we had been traumatized – and may not realize we have been triggered (a call for help to a support person or persons may be useful).
  • We may act out as a result of having been triggered. (This can be mild to major and perhaps life-threatening).
  • We may appear non-rational to others where they may shun us or they may also get triggered.
  • The desire to identify and control future triggers may consume us. Realizing this is an impossible venture is a good first step to work on defusing and working with future triggers.

The nature of being triggered flips me into being isolated because perpetrators isolated me to abuse me. So when I get triggered, especially when I don’t realize I am triggered I isolate. It was a strategy I used as a child to survive. It may or may not have worked very well but when I am triggered and don’t know I am triggered it remains my “go-to” strategy.

Thinking about what “just happened” and analyzing it with the thought that “If I can figure it out I can – know what happened to me; – I can prevent it from happening again.

Thinking was what I used as a child from inside the trauma to survive is a habit. But it doesn’t necessarily work very well to solve the emotional trigger of the trauma. Its one of the ways I perpetuate remaining isolated and lost in a regressive or frozen state of trauma from the past.

Its good to have a preemptive plan to deal with triggers in advance so we can get the help we need until we reach a place where we can deal with triggers more effectively.

This is where a therapist can assist or a self-help guide.

I have found that when I know that I’m triggered that I tell myself I am ready to handle it because I’m aware that I’ve been triggered. However if I’m triggered but am not yet aware of it, I know that I feel stuck, agitated, and/or distressed emotionally I try one of the following options:

  • I reach out for support
  • I ask for feedback
  • I ask for help
  • I sit with my feelings and try to identify what they are before taking any action.

This is just a sample and in no way is what I recommend.

What I do recommend is for you to come up with your own safety plan for dealing with emotional upsets, stuck places and triggers.

[NOTE: I was triggered by my partner when we were hiking Mount Tamalpais (in Marin County California). I told her. She wanted to take responsibility by wanting to know what she had done to trigger me. I told her I didn’t know and that it wasn’t her fault. I told her that I just wanted her to know in case she felt me pulling away from her during my process of the trigger and using my safety measures. I’m not sure she understood and decided not to tell her again if I had been triggered due to her response.

Often in dysfunctional relationships we put responsibility on others for our emotions. This is a reaction that does not make another responsible for our response. We have feelings. In relationships – couple therapy is a good idea to help resolve interpersonal communications and dysfunctional dynamics. Individual therapy can be useful too.

When a trigger brings up a feeling in one person and that one person blames another for their trigger – this is an incorrect understanding of a trigger. Conversely of a non-triggered person enters into an interaction with a triggered partner for example especially if the triggered person is unaware they have been triggered then a mess ensues. If the triggered person becomes aware they have been triggered and the non-triggered partner attempts to intervene – to fix the situation then what occurs still could result in a mess.

One possible way to prevent a trigger from creating a mess would to speak with your partner about your triggers. Explain to them they are in no way responsible for the emotional reactions they – the triggered person, may have and that they may need:

  • space
  • try to be patient – wait
  • for the non-triggered person not to make assumptions
  • know they are in no way responsible for having been triggered.

Composite Beings – Part One

spacewave1

A number of years ago in the 1980s the term “walk-in” gained popularity especially with new age thinkers. Ruth Montgomery first coined it in a book published in 1979: Strangers Among Us [1].

peaceful co-existence between the dissociative parts and personalities or a hunger for integration.

Walk-Ins were high vibrational beings who replaced “souls” that wanted to leave due to personal trauma [1]. Later in the 1980s and 90s the walk-in name was expanded to include a permanent or temporary stay by the higher vibrational being and/or sharing knowledge with the individual host [2].

Composite Beings have been with us before our current written history

However when knowledge and experience are shared between the original host and the higher vibrational being there is a blending. This is a Composite Being. Usually the single “walk-in” experience was obscured or cloistered from the host for many years until an urge for healing becomes oriented towards either peaceful co-existence between the dissociative parts and personalities or a hunger for integration.

Composite Beings have been with us before our current written history and occur for a variety of opposing reasons:

The Host (receptive vessel):

  • Is an old soul in the cycle of reincarnation
  • Has had single or numerous severe traumatic events and/or losses in childhood or adolescence
  • Has responded to trauma with a Dissociative Personality Disorder strategy over time
  • In the multiple dissociative states including Alternate Personalities there is a great longing for unification and/or peace and balance.

 

A Higher Vibrational Being (active vessel):

  • The Higher Vibrational Being is an older soul than the host
  • Has a karma/dharma link with the receptive vessel or host
  • Provides a unifying personality feature and strength of character needed by the host
  • The Higher Vibrational Being is on an active mission that allows healing to occur for the host while healing energies spill over to humanity at large directly and/or indirectly
  • The Higher Vibrational Being’s mission besides healing may extend to other areas.

 

The Neutral Vessel is Planet Earth.

 

Composite Beings are attracted to one another whether or not they are aware of the composite blending within themselves for the purpose of awakening and healing.

Once a fractured personality strategy is acknowledged in the conscious ego of the host where the Composite Being is acknowledged and recognized and healing begins other Composite Beings are attracted to one another on a higher vibrational level for the purpose of their missions.

When awakening begins to blossom within the Composite Being other Composite beings on the same or higher vibrational frequency are drawn to each other. The other Composite Beings are on a continuum of self-discovery where they may assist or be assisted by each other for the purpose of healing and fulfilling the individual and collective missions.

 

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walk-in

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walk-in

[2] http://www.crystalinks.com/walk_ins.html