in a river of grief, then on a boat

woman wearing dress and brown hat sitting on boat

In my late 30s I experienced an epiphany. I transformed my life because I surrendered into it. There was a lot of work before that preceded that opening. Up to that point my life was analogous to the life of a flower. A sprout pushed its way up through the soil, stems and leaves unfurled and buds formed straining to open. When the bud burst open resounding at long last to the light a transformation occurred filled with joy and the relief of surrender into a greater multiverse.

This epiphany allowed a choice point: continue to follow the whims of ego, in other words pursue the momentary desires, interests, likes or dislikes or accept destiny. I chose to surrender into the undiscovered country of a strange inter and multi-dimensional universe of great depth and wonder; into the rarely glimpsed book of destiny. It required patience. It required a path to healing of my core being.

The next step in this journey was the “accidental” uncovering of horrendous wounds of early childhood. There was an intense obsessional compulsion to know everything that had happened back then. The world of PTSD, flashbacks, body memories, blackouts, freeze-frames of trauma intruding into what I ordinarily expected as my contiguous life that did not (does not) have the same connectedness of ordinary memories because love was shattered. Diving deeply into it with the tools of spiritual practices, therapeutic techniques of hypnotherapy, EMDR, emotional release and reintegration as well as “traveling” into the past utilizing shamanic practices only works to a degree before traumatization reoccurs. My desire to know everything about the trauma in the way I’ve remembered my ordinary life never happened. I felt disappointed and I was also relieved once I accepted the different paths within myself.

My friends didn’t want to hear about my traumatic past and began to shun me so I contained the bleeding and confined my explorations with my therapist for a time. Other healers and seers saw clearly into my woundedness but I did not see as clearly as they were experiencing me. I had reached a plateau and I decided to shelve the wounded experiences and only focus on what was presented in the moment and not dig for stuff.

I had remained clean and sober from pot for 19 years (1985 to 2004) when I slipped with my much younger partner. The only insight that I was afforded was that in 1985 and the times before pot served to fragment my already fragmented self. In 2004 I saw that the fragmented parts of myself and though still fragmented were held together cohesively by me congealed with my attention and care.

From 1991 when the first memories of trauma began revealing themselves to 2001 I worked intensely on myself and then reached a plateau (’01 was the year my therapist retired).

Earlier this year there was a shift in my physical body and I began to open myself for a change. The universe provided an opportunity presented to me from my spiritual soul partner, colleague and mentor. When she presented me with the opportunity I had been waiting for it took only moments to accept.

She offered a homeopathic formula to help bring buried and stuck grief to the surface for processing. It has been a difficult and immensely rewarding process so far. Of the people I have shared some of this process with have misunderstood the position I take within the flow of emotions.

Maladoma Somē (see end notes) reported that grief is the most common emotion that all humans share. Grief is the process when it is not resisted or prematurely stopped via cognitive processes of compartmentalization and the subsequent emotions of judgement, self-criticism or condemnation on the one hand and stoic determination, anger and rational suppression or repression of grief into a lifestyle of condemning the self and / or others on the other can be released to then convey what is underneath.

When I began taking the formula it was in the evening when I first began — result: I slept for three hours and was awake working on a path to exposing the grief as the emotional connective tissue to the wounds. Release the grief and the horrendous memories shift and become multifaceted revealing the blessings while releasing my attachment to the intensities of the horror.

There was something blocking the work, something in the back of my neck on my left side that was the part of blockage or resistance. Something I could not see clearly enough to find and remove. I called out for help. Help arrived in the person that I once was in my most previous past life: a Polish Jew working for The Resistance and constantly hiding from the Nazis. He was trained as an engraver and was employed by the Polish Mint. He pulled something out of my neck which was simultaneously released from his neck in the same area. It went back to source where it disintegrated into ash.

The next morning, I was looking at a friend’s Facebook post when all my chakras opened and a profound compassion, love and understanding poured out of me to him (not that he necessarily needed it). I was surprised that this open feeling of compassion continued to branch out to many more who may have needed it to feel included since compassion is an emotion of inclusion. (The funny thing is that the content of his post was not of a personal nature at least on the surface and remembering the content was not important.)

Though some of the subsequent work of releasing grief has been filled with anguish and intense physical pain — such as a lava-like substance that was hot and filled with the bile of anger and hatred flowed out of the joints of my left hand and fingers. So far, the arthritic pain that has felt trapped in my body has decreased by as much as fifty percent.

These pockets of grief within me are spread like butter over toast throughout my body, persona and into the depths of me. The emotion is not me as it once was when I had first uncovered the trauma. I am above the feelings of grief and not immersed in them as I once was in the beginning.

I debated about putting this account due to its highly personal nature. I meditated on what to do and have decided to enter it here. In the midst of the on-going grieving process I discovered that part of my mother’s being was trapped in my body. It was only when I freed her did I realize that part of her had merged with me when I was a baby.

The “Ah-ha” moment arrived.

My mother was a difficult parent to live around. My sister concurred that she had been very critical towards both of us; very true. She was never happy with either of us.

My mom had poor boundaries with me and later as an adult I chose to establish and maintain better boundaries with her. She would burst into my bedroom door without ever knocking. She did what she called: “snooping” in my closet rifling through my stuff. I asked my dad if I could have a lock on my door. Before I could tell him why he said “no,” and walked away. In order to have privacy I took long 4-hour baths locked in one of our two bathrooms on a Saturday night. I took to burying time capsules in the backyard where I knew she would never look to have private secret things — for my eyes only. She wanted me to take French in High School so I could speak romantic French phrases to her. I failed French in my passive-aggressive style so I wouldn’t have to do it. And the list of behaviors bordering on the inappropriate and at times crossing the line went on.

My mother passed in March of 2015 from dementia. I had very little contact with her after the death of her body. My father had contacted me many times after his death.

In a session that lasted half the night I was able to extricate my mom’s spirit from my body and keep her from coming back in. She greeted me five or six times after I had freed her in her child-like manner and appeared to have said thank-you without actually coming out and saying it.

It was a relief to reclaim my body as my own and to begin to have a relationship with my mother as an individual to an individual, which continues to evolve.

I am not the grief and conversely, I am not the joy. I sometimes feel grief and I sometimes feel joy as well as all the emotions of the rainbow and the darker shadow.


Malidoma Somē author Of Water and Spirit. The author came to our community to speak about his book, drum at our community center. At one point he looked out at all of us and said:

“I see that many of you you have been initiated many times

but because there was no community to support and accept your initiation

you returned to you life as you now know it.”

presence, peace, happiness and sunshine

brown wooden kitchen cupboards

I awoke letting the convoluted dreams from sleep dissolve without pressing my intellect for possible meanings.

A short time later I began breakfast preparations. I felt the warm swathe of sunshine permeate my small abode – across the kitchen floor and into the bedroom. I gazed at the off-white stone tiled floor and felt a profound peace and happiness in the smallest of details.

I smiled to myself and thought / felt:

I am here.

My heart is full.

Peace.

Peace permeates

Happiness in the stillness of

A morning in sunlight.

 

It wasn’t an “overnight success”. It took 15 years to live, skirting a mess of miserable emotions; 6 months to jockey for position; 3 months of letting go of everything including my life in preparation for the death of my body* and 6 days of resurrection into that which continues to unfold.

During the 15 years I wasn’t such a dire mess as described above. I was floating in a boat in a becalmed ocean of slime feeding on the fleeting happiness of rarefied airs. In other words, I was an expert at compartmentalization and was kept alive on the higher aspects of my work. Intellectually its difficult to fathom how excruciating physical pain was (is) held in place by unresolved – stuck grief. Emotionally easy.

______________________________

*I had to die to be reborn. This was not suicide, but it was a relinquishing of everything without hope of a solution,

then… it arrived.

releasing chronic anger and underlying grief

abstract beads blur bright
a web of connection

Anger serves a purpose as a defense against immediate threats in present time. The emotion is often produced in conjunction with fear. Fear is experienced and is often followed directly by an acting-out anger response. Boys and men are more accustomed to this way of behaving because it is condoned and often encouraged by the fabric of society – namely patriarchal norms.

The way many children were raised in the 1950s and early sixties by fathers’ who had returned from WWII with undiagnosed PTSD was through a reign of terror often accompanied by addictive problems to alcohol, drugs and anger/rage. The children of those parents were subjected to constant anger and as adults have often adopted maladaptive patterns of chronic anger.

man couple people woman

When terror is unleashed on a woman or on children repeatedly over long periods of time – fear, anger and depression may be the result. In addition to an emotional stance in the world many of these women and children many somaticize some or all of these emotions. The emotions become tensions in the musculature and skeletal structure of the body and are sequestered from the conscious mind.

The nature of most humans is to avoid discomfort whether it manifests as physical, emotional, mental and/or spiritual pain. In so-called developing and developed nations an immediate response to pain is to take a pill for it. “Make it go away.” “Fix me.” “Stop this now!” “I can’t stand this any longer” are some of the responses to physical and emotional pain or discomfort. Pill popping, alcohol consumption, marijuana smoking, crack/cocaine use, and any kind of addictive process is an effort to escape the effects of immediate pain. I am not advocating the non-use of responsible herbal or pharmacological methods of reducing or managing extremes of pain I am only pointing out a pattern to behavior regarding pain.

Some cultures especially indigenous peoples treat pain in a different manner than in the “Western Post-Modern” cultures. Explorations into pain can sometimes produce a release of it that can be freeing as well as act as a release from immediate pain.

I followed the role-model of my father’s rageful behavior while being terrorized by it simultaneously. I vented rage at my sisters’ cats by chasing them under the couch and hissing at them; I felt so angry. It was the only safe place I could vent the rage I felt. For many years I clenched my jaw because “I felt determined” as other people were to reach their goals. I incorrectly assumed that because other people had their mouths closed that they were clenching their jaws too, and were also determined. It wasn’t until the mid 1980s that I realized that these were incorrect assumptions and that I felt extremely angry all the time.

Like any addict the rage would go underground until it erupted into a tantrum usually against a significant love relationship with whoever I was with at the time. I began to work with these feelings and worked to let them go as they arose. As I worked traumas from my childhood were revealed to me. I worked through these too as best I could until I reached a plateau.

Recently I have come to see that triggered anger/rage that arises both from awareness of injustices and from chronic anger has served to keep me isolated from others. As a child I was extremely isolated. And now I have been isolated (and stuck) in part by choice. However I have started to work with the chronic anger anchored in my body in order to uncover and release the profound grief of past traumas.

I have been preparing for this voyage into the release where I have kept myself separate from others and as a result have been stuck in a place of miserable safety.

Part of the preparation for this deep grief release work was a letting go of a reflexive need to comment on every post where my friends were venting their anger and frustrations on our so-called “president”. I didn’t want to participate in my addictive anger /rage venting that felt fruitless to make any real changes. The eliciting of the anger/frustration/rage and grief due to the actions of the president felt like I was allowing myself to be:

  • Pulled down to his level of nastiness
  • Giving him attention on an emotional level that feels like time not well spent (even though he is not witness to my outrage).
  • Feeding my addictive behaviors including a need to be right at the expense of making others wrong
  • Isolating myself from those that – mildly disagree with me to the extreme of people who vehemently disagree and maybe even hate me.
  • Isolating myself from feelings that bridge a gap between peoples
  • Stuck in a familiar cycle of known misery.

 

black and white picture of a crying child

Choosing not to participate in “president” bashing is one way to look for more effect means of protest and there are many ways in the nuts and bolts world of emails to representatives, supporting candidate campaigns and so on… I try to funnel my outrage into useful means of action, and I am human I sometimes succumb to bashing and raging.

everything is connected neon light signage

On Saturday evening November 16, 2019 while working on releasing anger and grief something happened. I welcomed the memory of a physically healthy emotionally fractured seven-year-old me back into my body where I could protect him and he could help me heal metaphorically. There was much tenderness love and connectedness in the healing metaphor. I felt my body open spontaneously and released compassion towards a friend on social media and then go beyond towards others in pain and suffering. Love was breathed in and out.

I didn’t know whether my friend received the compassion but to release it felt good to me and hopefully good for him.  And hope it was good for all the others it may have reached. The connection was strong and solid. The act of connecting on many levels was wondrous and highly recommended.

 

Something Simple: The Psychological Effect of Turning off Lights in a Darkened House During Daylight

Well… maybe not so simple

woman pose wearing black abaya dress

An observation:

I have found that turning off lights in the day time when temperatures soar over 100 degrees outside makes a room seem cooler. There is still some light that leaks in from outside so it’s not completely dark.

While there is the mundane of light bulbs radiating heat it’s not the psychological effect that I write to herein.

There’s something about the dark that’s ineffable. It’s mysterious because we can’t see so well into it. The dark of the night can be comforting when we embrace the mysteries with our hearts.

When I read The Night Country by Loren Eiseley (see end notes) I fell into his contemplative prose and was enveloped by the mysteries of his night journey. Night and darkness were never the same again.

Darkness became mystery of infinite worlds… Perhaps this is the psychology of a darkened room in the daytime and at night as well…

 

Notes:

The Night Country by Loren Eiseley

Loren Eiseley Books

 

 

Pondering the Social Media Trump Assault and an Alternative Part One

wethepeople

How It Is

Trump and the Trumpublicans (Trumpublicans are Republicans who have sworn their allegiance to Trump, surrendered critical thinking or are too fearful of criticism from Trump to oppose his Me-Only agenda whims) are engaged in a Libertarian Anarchistic Assault on:

  • Public health (Let’s go back to the way it was before the Affordable Care Act)
  • Sacred Earth / Environment (let’s roll back all EPA standards to promote Oil and Coal at the expense of the environment and public health concerns)
  • A Foreign Policy (there is no policy)
  • Congress (acting dictatorial without advice and consent from Congress)
  • Allegedly conspiring with Russia to disrupt/win elections (obstruction of justice; see Mueller Report)
  • Appoint Cabinet Members from “the swamp” of the corporate world creating conflicts of interest and fomenting greed etc., etc.
  • Emoluments (making money mandated by the office of the President) (an impeachable offence by the way)
  • Justice regarding Neo-Nazi, Immigrants, and LBGQ population (Trump is a White National Heterosexual Racist / Bigot)

And the list goes on. Trump reports that his policies are based on his “gut” intuition, giving him license to do whatever he pleases and change his mind often – clearly the actions of a dictator. My Facebook page is saturated with posts of our outrage against the Dictator aka Trump.

This is emotionally overwhelming mainly due to the injustice of it all.

No2Tryanny

Enter the many Democratic Challengers. Here are the top candidates:

  • Elizabeth Warren has a clear and pragmatic agenda with specific bills to address a progressive agenda. (Not much on foreign policy – but maybe I’m not well informed.)
  • Bernie Sanders has a clear progressive agenda. (Not much on foreign policy – but maybe I’m not well informed.)
  • Joe Biden – a centrist with an agenda to defeat Trump and a bumpy national agenda with moderate goals
  • Pete Buttigieg – an appealing intellectual centrist with an evolving agenda

As you may have guessed I favor a progressive agenda.

 

An Alternative: A Progressive Agenda

Intro

I was twelve when President Kennedy was assassinated and LJB became president. I never appreciated President Johnson’s work on Civil Rights, Voting Rights Act, Immigration reform, Federal funding for education, healthcare reform, in short, The Great Society which also included Gun Control, a clean environment, urban renewal, lowering poverty and so on… I never appreciated Johnson’s domestic agenda in-part due to my father’s conservative Republican harangue and Johnson’s escalation of the Vietnam War.

When Nixon was elected I became a peaceful anti-war activist.

When it became clear that Nixon broke the law and resigned from office I like a great number of others became disillusioned with the United States Government especially under Reagan, Clinton, George W. Bush, and Obama.

 

The Progressive Part

Looking back to President Kennedy and President Johnson’s domestic agendas they did much to start and continue the social programs of FDR helping to shape an emerging capitalistic economy for a rising middle-class, programs to assist with reducing racism – addressing poverty and with addressing environmental concerns.

It was a beginning that was stalled under Nixon and reversed under Reagan. Through Reagan’s deregulation agenda – the News Media was freed from being a public service to pursue profitable news – one reason why Conservative / Right leaning opinion is sold as News under Fox. Reagan’s tax cuts helped create a millionaire class while the middle-class began languishing further.

The ideas of Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren are middle-class people-oriented values and needs of the American public. Ever since Clinton abandoned many of the Democrat values by selling-out to Big-Money in his second term the Centrists took control of the party that no longer represents the people.

What’s needed is a vision of what Progressive America will look like once it gets going. How will it feel, what values will it return – how will it unite all Americans and not just the elite or the Big Moneyed interests.

This is a preface to the Progress vision coming in part two.

 

Gateway into the Light – 1984

sky space dark galaxy

In the beginning I avoided the extraordinary experiences because of a respected teacher had said:

“Many psychic-type experiences will happen as you do ‘The Work’. Pay no attention to this and continue to do your inner work.” 

 spoken by Pierre Elliot Headmaster

of the Fifth Basic Course at Claymont School for Continuous Education

in August of 1981.

In 1981 I had started a house cleaning business incorporating my inner work or ‘The Work’ as within the tasks of cleaning in Connecticut.  Then I transferred the business to Stockton, California in 1982 and then to Sonoma, California in 1983.

On July 3rd of 1984 I was cleaning a summer residence. J’s household was around in the early afternoon and then would leave with the children and Grandpa to Costco in Santa Rosa. They left me alone to clean the house. The weather was odd on that summer day in Northern California, overcast, hot and humid.

I was finishing up in the back utility room by putting away supplies when I heard a commotion on the deck between the house and the garage. It was a dust devil or whirlwind. It had picked up the plastic chairs and tables about 12 to 15 feet in the air whirling around. I peered out of the window watching it when it suddenly stopped and all the furniture clattered back to the deck. I straightened it. I was tired and dirty from cleaning and I had wanted to go home when I heard an odd sound originating at their built-in swimming pool.

Pool-Skimmer

The pool skimmer was caught up on the wave gutter of the pool. Wave gutters are normally for Olympic sized pools and one does not see them in backyard swimming pools very often. This pool skimmer was sputtering, a garden hose attached to its under belly.

I stood there examining the situation and finally said aloud to no one:

“I don’t feel like bending over and lifting it off.”

I felt an impression of a voice in my head say:

“You don’t have to do it that way.”

“Oh yeah,” I said feeling like an idiot for talking to myself, “What other way is there?”

No answer. A feeling or a sense swept over me.

I bent my knees slightly. I clenched my fists and bent my right elbow so that my right fist was near to my right shoulder. My left fist and left arm were extended by my left side. Using tension in both arms I reversed the positions and the skimmer moved off the lip of the wave gutter out towards the center of the pool.

“Nah,” I said aloud. The impression of the voice said: “Well, bring it back.”

I reversed my arms and it came back onto the wave gutter.

I freaked out. I ran to my car and ripped out of there thinking I was crazy.

In the summer of 1984 I experienced many odd things. I saw auras around people at times. While running, my spirit soared into the sky. I saw how light connected our hearts together and how that connected to the light of trees and plants and connected everyone with every being.

The Light, the Dark and Earth “Below”

Happy Solstice

time lapse photo of stars on night

A possible way of looking at Solstices and Equinoxes as the function of a patriarchal separation of people from planet earth to a reorientation based on the sun and light.

life was under stewardship

taurus

In the matriarchal times the beginning of the Zodiac was Taurus, the sign denoting the womb with the Fallopian tubes on top and not the bull. At the equatorial zones and in the northern latitudes the seasons of planting began after the frost towards the end of April -the beginning of spring for earth. Worship of earth as womb and creator of life was honored and built into an agrarian based culture / civilization. Though women nurtured life and men were thought to be vessels of the Goddess of an earth based deity the culture was communally oriented, nothing was owned. All was shared with the group and life was under stewardship.

honoring the Goddess

It could also have been that the Southern Hemispheres were grounded in a culture where the beginning of the zodiac was Virgo, based on spring there. Jeffrey Wolf Green, astrologer suggests that when men began realizing they contributed sperm and were not just vessels used by the Goddess they rebelled and the patriarchy was born – in reaction. Men owned property, women and children. Male children passed on the ownership and legacy of men etc.

a hierarchy took root

The focus moved away from nurturing earth, honoring the Goddess into worship of a God in the heavens thus the solstices and equinoxes, seasons divided into four quarters by amounts of light. Agriculture continued under the increasingly greater control of men and eventually science (an extension of men) but the focus was shifted from Earth to Sky and a hierarchy took root.

a sky God that meshed with the patriarchal structure of leadership

Goddess as Earth was a bountiful civilization with a nurturing structure of stewardship that maintained a mostly horizontal structure with the exception of the dimishment of the importance of the male. In the European and Tigris-Euphrates Rivers of Turkey, Syria and Iraq the overthrow of the matriarchy though violence was easy, as Attila the Hun swept across Asia – conquering. The matriarchy wasn’t prepared for the sudden change. In the Americas the changes in the indigenous population was more gradual from matriarchy to patriarchy. The patriarchal tribes retained many of the matriarchal transitions before they were albeit destroyed by the Europeans.

pure Goddess / Matriarchy roots

 The patriarchal God was a reactionary and vengeful God that came from above – a sky God that meshed with the patriarchal structure of leadership. This seemed to be a rageful reaction to the oppression by the matriarchy and the systemic misogyny based in the newer system. It wasn’t until the patriarchal God sent male saviors that retribution was supplanted by other forms of leadership though that appears to have been largely unsuccessful.

Wicca and Pagan celebrations though influenced by the patriarchy were still rooted in the matriarchy and may have tried to combine Solstice and Equinox traditions with pure Goddess / Matriarchy roots. The patriarchy sought to demonize them on many occasions, early Christians hid their celebrations by blending them with Pagan and Wicca celebrations and later demonized them via the Roman Catholic Church, for example.

Nevertheless, below in figures 1 through 4 are 3 representations of the upcoming Winter Solstice and one of the Summer Solstice:

WinterSolstice1n2

The gap between the patriarchy and the next epoch of which we are on the cusp is about a balancing and/or healing of the patriarchy with the matriarchy to help co-create an age of cooperative partnership.

Solstice3-4

Interpretations of each solstice chart will be coming very soon.

 

For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

Empathic Process and Beyond

adult alone black and white blur
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

On this precipice of transformation the world seems entrenched in romanticizations of the past, which is producing unnecessary injustices pain and suffering beyond the pale of the ordinary.

as an empath I feel their pain

 Survival is an interesting balancing act between feeling deep anguish,pain and suffering and a retreat into rationalizations and /or other protections of the mind. The danger of a continuous retreat into the mind is a numbing of emotion. Too much emotional distress that is left unprocessed leads to overwhelm and shock, suppression recycling unconscious processes that have alternating anxiety, fear, anger and /or depressive moods to name a few a part of the emotional strategies of coping albeit unbalanced.

something happens that seems like divine intervention

When I work with people who are in pain I acknowledge their pain, its truth and being and as an empath I feel their pain. It pushes up against the pain I have felt in my life and allows me to identify and bear witness to their pain and mine. Merely by bearing witness with an open heart, suspending judgment sometime something happens that seems like divine intervention. Their pain is slowly allowed to release a little in the moment. It doesn’t mean that the pain won’t return it just means that if I hold a respectful loving and compassionate space for someone without expecting any result the pain sometimes leaves. This is miraculous. It seems divine because it has to do with a force that is invisible in our lives – the neutral space, the place of the witness.From the witness the higher vibrations of love and compassion flows through me and amazes me because – although it seems a part of me it belongs to a greater oneness that is part of the essence, core or divine self. From many years of healing work it has become easier to release judgment and accept another person’s reality completely. This has been a gift (from the mystery of the Divine).

The Divine enters and is both me and not me

Surrendering ego is the push that keeps a boundary in place that may as well be a wall and that is extraordinarily difficult to release until it isn’t. In that moment when the “I” is released all compassion, love and/or the divine that is all round as it has always been. I have kept it out, me the ego. The release of ego is so simple in the act. Getting to the place of release, of surrender, of sacrifice is gut-wrenchingly arduous. The release is sweetness and freeing.

the light of relief is experienced in all its innocence

In that momentary place of release and holding space the healing empathic forces come into play. They come through me when I step out of the way in the moment.

The Divine enters and is both me and not me, is a child of mirth and wild play; and that which is greater acting through me. Still the ego in me would like to lift the suffering from the one who is with me. I, the ego, realizes this is a disservice to the person in front of me who is suffering. I have come to see that by holding sacred space and allowing the person’s pain and suffering to run its course that they are learning a new grace and wisdom of unwinding karma and releasing their pain. I feel privileged that I can witness a birth within another as suffering and pain go and the light of relief is experienced in all its innocence.

This is one gift of the empath.

For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

Home Remedies: Mind with Matter – on pain reduction

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Injuries – In dealing with injuries our first reaction is to avoid the pain especially during and immediately after a fall, like a twisted angle, elbow or knee. This is a natural reaction. And if you can remember to try this you may heal more quickly.

inflammation / swelling and pain is the body’s response to injury and indicates a healing response.

Don’t resist the pain. Relax your body especially around the site of the injury. If you can put one or both hands on the site of the injury and tell yourself that the healing energy of touch is gong to the pain to relieve it. Spend a few moments sitting at the site of the injury (if possible – ie out of immediate danger) relaxing into the pain and reminding yourself not to tense up. Next try some movement. If the pain is excruciating you may need some help getting up or an ambulance perhaps. But if the pain seems less as you rise, try walking especially if you have twisted an ankle or knee. It may be a good bet to get an X-Ray / medical treatment.

Mind with Matter enters

If you go to a Doctor, of course follow their advice.

Here are some alternative pain reduction techniques to help reduce pain that may help:

These techniques follow the lines of cold and /or heat as one way to reduce inflammation. Remember that inflammation / swelling and pain is the body’s response to injury and indicates a healing response.

This is where Mind with Matter enters. Mind Over Matter implies the magic of our Wills over reality. Using our mind to ally with what is happening in our bodies we can provide a mindful and somatic response that may help with healing processes.

  1. Preparation:

Active your body by drawing your attention to your life force of your chi located in an electromagnet vortex about and inch or two below your navel. If it helps your attention to focus on it, touch with your fingers. Breathe into that spot. Allow a sensing or special attention to reside there. Activate your mind at the level of your Pineal Gland above your eyebrows and centered over the bridge of your nose. Use the same activation method you used with the electromagnet center below your navel to activate your mind. Imagine the energy of your chi energy (below your navel) blending with your minds energy.

  1. Technique One:

This process may help to lower inflammation and reduce pain. [Note – it doesn’t always work or it may not get rid of all the pain]. Pretty much everyone knows what its like to put your hand inside a Jell-O or a gelatinous substance. Remember and/or imagine that feeling. Use your mind –body connection (preparation in #1 above) that you’ve just cultivated within your mind and project purple Jell-O into the site of the injury or where the pain is. Why purple? Amongst the 7 primary colors purple is the coolest of the colors. You want to introduce cooling into an inflamed hot/injured site. With your mind move it through your tissues, vascular system and even into cartilage and bone. Intend that healing is occurring – maybe applying your in- breath to go deeply into the pain and the out breath sending to pain out of your body.

 

  1. Technique Two:

This is often used in Hypnotherapy to dull or mask acute pain. Engage the Preparation in step 1. Focus on the site of the injury. Count backwards from 10 going slowly. Tell yourself that the injured part is getting colder and colder. Eventually it becomes numb from the cold and the pain may disappear.

 

  1. Healing aids.

The link – https://psychesweather.wordpress.com/2015/12/07/home-remedies-for-stiff-or-sore-muscles/

——- shows another post of using healing aides to reduce pain. You can employ the preparation in step 1 or not.

 

VertexSmalldarkerDone-copy For more about my work visit:  Ontario’s The Kai

I grew up inside a Terrorist Regime – my family

 

CypressGrove5x

The Road Out via Compassion

 

I grew up inside a Terrorist Regime: in my family of origin where my father was the dictator and his word was law.

When I was a pre-teen he would shout me down into submission when he disagreed with something I said and end with telling me I was being illogical.

This was worse than death, torture of my dog.

He would continue to castigate my mother by telling her she was “irrational”. More often than not she was intuitive and non-rational

Around that time we adopted a stray dog: Peewee. He went everywhere with me – on my walks in the woods and to the reservoir. We never tied him up when we weren’t home. He ran with a pack of dogs that ate sheep. The sheep owner told us we would have to tie him up. We did for a while and then not having the heart to keep him tied up we let him go and he ate sheep again. My father was to take him to the vet to be put down. At dinner that night my father said:

I took Peewee to Yale to be experimented on. 

My head sank. This was worse than death, torture of my dog. I was so sad and down.

I thought you liked science – my father said.

 Not anymore – I said starting to get angry.

But I couldn’t show my anger otherwise I’d get in-trouble so I stuffed it.

After dinner beginning in my early teens we played Ping-Pong every night after dinner. He’d use psychological tactics on me to goad me to become angry, throw me off balance so he could win. One night, I thought – this is supposed to be fun. I decided not to get angry and started winning games. Once that happened he stopped playing and admitted that I had been a better player than he was and that by using psychological tactics he knew he could win.

he would bait others into Republican ideological arguments and then shout them down when they didn’t agree with them

When I was a teenager my father would bait me into arguments that I was emotionally invested in and then use his premise to make me feel wrong and confused. I’d fall for his debate tactics every time. When I was in my twenties I began to disagree with his premises and all “debate” ended.

My mom came to me and asked: “What am should I do about your father?”

 “What do you mean?”

“Well you know how he is.”

My mother’s friends never came over anymore because he would bait others into Republican ideological arguments and then shout them down when they didn’t agree with them.

            “You could see a therapist or minster,” I said.

            “I couldn’t do that,” she replied.

            “You could get a divorce,” I said.

           “Oh no, I couldn’t do that,” she replied.

            “Well, I don’t know what else to tell you,” I said.

My sister and I would spend all daylight hours outside of the house away from my mother and father and that I supposed was normal. We lived surrounded by bucolic regions of farms, fields and woods. My father would use his booming voice to call us for dinner while we were at least a mile away. He had had a lot of practice bellowing.

He told me once that he promised never to hit us like his father had done to his mother, him and his two sisters. But he broke his promise a few times. However he made up for actually physical violence by terrorizing us with verbal and non-verbal threats.

He often accused and never apologized even when he made a mistake.

He oscillated between sometimes being a looming or threatening boss to be a playful child albeit isolating. He was jealous of my mother having any recognition and acted passive-aggressively to quell her recognition: My mother would play the piano and we would sing folk songs and Christmas Carols after dinner. My mom also painted some. My father decided he could paint too. He painted some squares and a triangle on a canvas and put a mahogany frame around it. He hung it over the piano. When this happened I felt a profound shame and the childish jealousy of my father. My mother’s only visible protest was never to play the piano again. We all knew and my father had won his petty little game.

One time my sister and I – always the rivals often competing for my father’s attention were having a blast; bickering. It was a bit like the Monte Python sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLlv_aZjHXc

Our father yelled from the other room to “Stop it,” in his booming voice. We furtively glanced at each other snickering under our breaths and then began bickering again:

“Yes it is,” I fired out.

“No it isn’t,” my sister came back.

And on we went…

Our father appeared in the door of the kitchen his face red with rage, fists clenched he spewed in a vitriolic manner:

You kids cease and desist this instant!

 I thought blood would spurt from a vein in his forehead. He glared at us full of fury and rage. I had to bite my tongue so as not to speak or laugh. Many years later my sister told me she was so terrified that she had wet herself.

In my arguments to my father about the Vietnam war – I returned from college and told him I was against the war: he punched me across the face with a 1-2 punch and then in the stomach. He opened the front door of the house and threw me into the bushes and said:

Don’t you ever set foot in this house, again.

I was shaking and crying. A moment later he came out and invited me back inside saying:

I guess I didn’t brainwash you good enough.

 I knew my mother had stood up for me in that moment.

I learned to bring emotion into our debate and was able to stop many debates cold such as: The Vietnam war is wrong because killing for any reason is wrong and that’s how I feel.

my father was extremely obnoxious … after drinking in the afternoon

Later when I was going through a very rough time and we were in family therapy without my sister who was in college out west my father agreed to be nice to me. For about a year and a half he was nice. And then he changed back.

When I asked him about the change he said: “I can see that you were okay so I decided to be myself again.”

I offered to do some hands-on healing.

My father would have an occasional beer and an after dinner liquor when his friends came over for dinner. Once I had lunch with him in New Haven in the 1974 when we both worked in the city (it was the summer that Nixon resigned). He had a pitcher of beer with lunch. He seemed the same before as he did afterwards. At that time I wasn’t as aware of the various shades of alcoholism as I became later.

In the 1980s my sister visited with my mother and father. I met them for lunch. I was to meet them later at their Bed and Breakfast and then we were to meet up my woman lover at a restaurant in Glen Ellen. When I met them at the B&B my father was extremely obnoxious: grabbing a magazine article from my hands while I was reading it, ignoring my protest, telling me I had to listen to him etc… Later I learned that he and my sister had gone to a bar after lunch and had been drinking. My mother probably just watched – she didn’t drink due to health issues.

I felt satisfied that I was able to help him and that he had accepted my help.

They moved from Connecticut to North Carolina and I visited them in 2000.

My father said out of the blue:

            They’ve discovered planets in other solar systems.”

            “Good for them,” I replied.

            “How does astrology explain that?”

‘Oh brother here we go again.’ I thought

“Sounds like your trying to make fun of my profession as an astrologer,” I said going to the end point.

“Ah, no, no I wasn’t,” he said and dropped the whole thing. I was relieved and he seemed relieved as well.

He often accused and never apologized, ever.

By August of 2005 my father was on oxygen from pulmonary fibrosis – a lung disease. Even on O2 he had difficulty breathing, gasping for air. Towards the last hour of my stay I offered to do some hands-on healing. I thought he would refuse since he rarely praised me and denigrated my actions, choices and accomplishments at every turn of my life. I was surprised that he agreed.

For the next 45 minutes while I was there he breathed normally and appeared thankful though he said nothing. I felt satisfied that I was able to help him and that he had accepted my help.

He died in 2006 on my birthday from from pulmonary fibrosis.


END NOTES:  I learned much about the frightened Conservative stance towards the world through my father and his strong patriarchal ideals. Underneath all that bluster, anger and rage was a frightened boy who had never recovered from the abuse at the hands of his father. My father acknowledged the beatings that my grandfather had meted out on him his sisters and his mother. I’m sure there was sexual abuse that was repressed and / or supressed by alcohol abuse and acting-out rage, just as my garndfather had sexually abused me in horrific ways.

Beyond the unhealed abuse and fear that caused him to shift from an expansive man who had voted for JFK to one who embraced Nixon, Reagan, and both Bushs. Nixon was elected in 1969 when my father was almost 50. This is sometimes the period that people wither or break free from their parents belief systems. Or they become dissillusioned with the ideals of youth and fall back into what they know. My father embraced conservativism because it was about the past – government unresponsive to the needs of the many and only able to see the needs of the privelged and the elite in which he identified.

Fear is a breeding ground for greed, having enough, believing government stood in the way of making as much money as possible for himself. He was angry at those in civil service work because they made almost as much as he did as an executive for Ma Bell. Manual labor was beneath him. The intellect was all powerful and deserved the best of the elite. The common man – the middle class became superfluous, invisible and therefore inconsequential to him.

He belived in the platitudes and the American Dream and thought that all had access to it through hard work. He was sexist and racist and homeophobic. He was a sad broken man who took out his wounds on others.

I am happy to have survived my childhood with my heart intact though it took me many years to get in-touch with my emotions. I have forgiven my father for all the wounds he had perpertated on me. And I trust that his consciousness is growing in a life beyond his mortal coil.